Ch. 1

The words I said







“I’m not your friend, not sure if I ever was. At first I was just being nice, now I’m just getting sucked in. You are…very complicated, and most times I have no clue what to say to you. But I must be doing a pretty damn good job, because you still consider me a friend to you. Don’t ask me why I haven’t let myself trust you yet… because I can’t answer.

“I don’t agree with a lot of things you do, but I can’t rag on you too much. We all know I secretly wish I could do them too. But I can’t. And that sucks. I’m not like you… and I want to be. I want to not care, but unfortunately… I do care. I’m not a bad kid, I get good grades, I do my chores (most of the time), and I don’t talk to strangers who have long trench coats on. Hell, I even try to be like all the other popular girls in school so I’m not teased. I’m still a virgin, I have a horrible guilty conscious, and I still paint my nails because people tell me it’s “lady like” to do so. I do what I’m told, and I’m to afraid to do my own thing a lot of the time. When I’m stuck alone for too long, I panic…and I hate pink, but I still wear it.

“I listen to music to calm me down, but who doesn’t do that? I like to just…walk, to clear my mind when I get pissed off. But who doesn’t do that? When I break something that is valuable, I try to hide it. But who doesn’t do that? Sometimes I loose my temper, and say things I don’t mean. But who doesn’t do that? And then again, I get afraid and don’t say some things that I probably should. And I’m sorry.

“I want to be normal, but if I’m normal, then I’m like everybody else. And “everybody else” scare the shit out of me. “Everybody else” kill people every day. “Everybody else” commit suicide, and “everybody else” treat others like they are nobody. Sometimes I get so mad at myself, that I start to piss a lot of people off. I kill all my friendships, so don’t trust me.

“I’ve forgotten what it felt like to have a new friend that cared about me. But I started to realize that you were trying to be that new friend. I don’t know how to let you in, and I wish I could. And I’m sorry.

“Everybody tells me that “it’s ok.” and “it’s not your fault” and “I know how you feel.” But sometimes that’s just not what I want to hear. Sometimes I just want to hear “Suck it up” and “quit being a baby, you’re life is better than most.”

I looked at myself in the mirror. “God, that was they gayest thing I’ve ever said.” I gave myself a face and made a retarded sound.

“Who’s gay? You?” A face popped up in the mirror behind mine. I screamed and jumped ten feet into the air (only slightly exaggerating.)

I groaned with disgust and turned around to face him. “Screw you.” David Foley stood in the bathroom doorway watching me. I brushed past him and into my room.


“Uh, no thanks.” He replied. “But maybe later.” I flicked him off while still walking away. I could tell my temper was rising.

“Who let you in?” I asked, finally turning around to see him sprawled out on my bed. He lifted his head and smirked.

“Your Mom.” David dropped his head back down and then pushed himself back up onto his elbows, looking at me.

“What?” I said with an edge to my voice. I can’t believe my Mom would let David into the house, let alone MY ROOM. He was laying on my bed, and invading my space.

“Nothing…” He replied, still looking at me.

“Then stop staring at me.” I ordered. He laughed, and jumped off my bed.

“Touchy, touchy.” He walked over to my dresser and picked up a notebook, leafing through it. He glanced up to see my staring at him. David smiled.

“Why are you here.” I asked him, annoyed. I snatched the notebook from David’s hands, and set it on the other side of me. David gave me a sarcastic look and leaned up against my dresser.

“Because I can…” His face was blank, and I rolled my eyes. I rubbed my head and sighed. “Do you want me to go….because I will…”

“No…no, that’s ok.” I said. What the hell is wrong with you Kylie? You want him to leave! He makes you…feel things you’ve never felt! “Oh shut up.” I told myself out loud. My head flew up, as I remembered that David was still in the room. He had a smirk on his face.

“Having fun?” His eyes gleamed in the light, and I felt my cheeks getting red. A smile spread across his lips, and I knew for sure that my cheeks must have been as red as my hair. I groaned and turned around, laughing a little. “Hey, don’t sweat it. I talk to myself all the time.” David walked up behind me and put his arm around my shoulder. “Now…about what I heard in the bathroom…”

“Oh my God.” I shot my head up. “How much of that did you hear?”

“Ooh, something I wasn’t suppose to hear?” David’s face lit up with a smile that I rarely saw. His eyes started to glow again, and my stomach twisted.

“Not exactly.” I said. “How much did you hear.” I repeated.


He laughed. “I don’t think I’ll tell you.” He took his arm away from my shoulder, and I looked at him as he started to back towards the door.

“Oh no you don’t.” I took a step forward. “You came over here for something. What was it?” My eyes narrowed, and I leaned against my wall. David started to dig in his pocket.

“I almost forgot!” He said. “That new CD you wanted…” He took it out of his pocket, and handed it to me. “You said whoever got it for you, you would be forever in their debt…” First I shrieked with joy, because I’ve been waiting for the damn CD for a long time, but then I groaned.

“What do you want me to do….” My voice was filled with doubt, excitement, and concern.

He put a hand over his heart. “I’m hurt…to know that you would think that I would want you to do something that wasn’t “goody-goody.” He then smirked. “But you’re right. I want you to do something you’re not suppose to do.”

“Uh! I knew it!” I threw my hands up and looked down at the CD. It was either loose the damn thing… or do whatever screwed up thing David wanted me to do. “Fine…” I sighed.

David smirked again. “Uhh… I kind of told these friends of mine… that I had a girlfriend…”

“DAVID!” I yelled, dropping my head into my hands. “Can’t you get your sister to play your stupid girlfriend part?” This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening.

“NO!” David said with pure horror. “And besides…they have already seen my sister.” He rubbed his head. “I don’t have anybody else to go to Kylie.”

“What about Lucy?”

“She said flat out no.”

“Amber?”

“Amber hates me.”

“Janet?”

“Who?” David took a step forward. “Kylie, for one, I need someone I trust to do this, and two, you’re the only girl friend I have. Please…it’s not like we have to kiss or anything.”

I made a face at that and he glared at me. “Well at least I’m not gay.”

“Fuck you.” I said, throwing the glare right back at him.


“Don’t give me any ideas.” He responded. I rolled my eyes, and flipped my CD over in my hands. “Kylie… please. I’ll never ask you for anything ever again. Just act like you kind of like me.”

“I do like you though.” I said, looking back up at him. “I mean… not like that, but I like you.” I like you but not like that…what are you? Four? At least four-year olds have the decency to tell the truth. I almost told myself to shut up again out loud, but I didn’t. “Just because you look so pitiful, and you did buy me the stupid CD….”

“Thank you!” David sighed. “I really thought I’d be dead meat.” He scratched his head. “But it’s this Saturday…at my house.”

“You could have just asked my sister, you do know that right?” I said, finally setting my CD down on my dresser.

“Yeah…but your sisters a bitch.” He responded, turning to leave.

“This better not affect our friendship in any ways.” I said to him.

“What friendship? You’re not even my friend, you’re not even sure if you ever were” David said, looking back at me right as he exited my room, closing the door quietly behind him.

I looked down at the CD that he had given me, and then back up at the door. “Damnit.” I replied, running my hand through my red hair. I opened the case, and set the CD down into my CD-player, letting the music flow from the speakers. I walked across my room and looked out the window, watching as David exited my house. He looked up at my window, and flicked me off.

“Yeah! I love you too!” I shouted out to him through the screen. I closed the window as he walked away down the street and turned the corner to the road he lived on.

“Kylie….?” My mothers voice called to my through the door. I turned down my music a few notches and walked over to the door, opening it. Mom’s face was lit up by a smile. “I wasn’t sure if you went with David or not, I was going to shut off your music for you.” Her smile grew softer.

“No…I didn’t go with David.” I said flatly. “But on Saturday…” I shifted my weight to the other foot. “I’m going over to David’s for a little while… okay?” Mom nodded and a let a sigh escape from my mouth. This was going to be a royal disaster.


* * * * * * *

I cannot just believe I asked Kylie, out of all the people, to act like my girlfriend. I should have just turned around and came strait back home after what I heard in the bathroom. But then again, she is harmless. I mean, she wouldn’t have just asked to come over to my house all those times for absolutely no reason…right? And…she wouldn’t have apologized if she didn’t mean it. Because Kylie never apologizes. Not even to herself… and that’s pretty damn scary.

“David…?” My Dad’s voice rang out from the kitchen. “Where did you go.”

“Nowhere, just for a walk.” I lied, skipping the stairs up to my room. And who’s to say she was even talking about me…. But she did look like she’d drop dead when I told her I heard her whole conversation. Why the hell am I getting so worked up about this for? I’m not really her friend either. We only talk to each other when we have too…. Why should I expect anything less, or more, from her.

Jack the Ripper