Jade's Bad Timing
Tales of the Abyss



Warning: Swearing and some bloody themes

“Maybe we should talk to him… He seemed so… so strangely neutral

“Natalia… We should probably just leave him alone.” Guy chided back softly. “How would you feel if you had to face… like Asch or something.”

“I would definitely be upset…. Which is why I think someone should all go and talk to him. “ The Princess said, hands on hips. She turned suddenly to the red-head standing beside her, “Luke, you should do it!”

“Huh?” Luke looked up, blinking. “W-Why me? Jade doesn’t even like me…” He sighed looking away as he dropped his chin into his hand. “He doesn’t even trust me still after all this time…”

“Well. Someone needs to go see him. He’s been gone for quite awhile.” Natalia snapped. “Need I use my title to order someone to do it?” Her eyes accusingly fell to Guy. “Well?”

“Fine! Sheesh!” Guy squeaked, jumping away as he noticed Natalia’s minute movements towards him. “I’ll go, I’ll go. Does anyone know what room he went into?”

“Two-twenty-four.” Tear said, softly. Everyone turned to raise their eyebrows at her, and the young woman quickly looked away, blushing. “I overheard the hotel manager when she handed Jade his key…”

“Okay, well, I’ll be back soon. Luke, you should come with me.”

“Huh? Well…okay. As long as I don’t have to say anything…”

~*~

It didn’t make sense… It never did. What had he been thinking all those years ago?

His fingers slowly worked themselves into his bangs, and try as hard as he could, his body wouldn’t stop trembling. It was agonizing… just thinking about the Professor. What had she thought as he had laid there dying in the snow, staring, mouth working in silence up at the two young boys she taught.

What had Dist been thinking?

He shuddered as a wave of dizziness washed over him. Damn it…. Just damn it…

The door handle jiggled and Jade slowly turned, feeling his eyes becoming unfocused. It was locked… Silly maids would just have to come by some other—

--the sound of a key rattling in the door caused the Colonel to turn sharply which forced a bout of dizziness on him so strong that he actually stumbled.

This is…they can’t…

“Hey, Jade, I’m sorry for intruding like this, but—“ The words caught in Guys throat as he watched the Colonel teeter dangerously where he stood. Despite the fact that the usually composed mans face was streaked with tears, the most shocking of all was the fact that everything from his waist up was exposed, and it seemed that every inch of skin was laced with oozing, red streaks of blood. “J-Jade?”

“You’re not…” Jade muttered, and it might have been funny at how hard he was trying to sound angry. He ankle caught a footstool and he tripped up on himself, falling against the back of a high chair. “…suppose to be here…” Jade finished. His breathing was haggard, his eyes unfocused, and a certain air of terror masked his usually coy expression. He was quite obviously caught off guard.

“Jade!” Guy started forward and reached the Colonel just in time to catch him before he slipped off the chair. The blond swordsmen gently lowered the man down into his lap, staring, horrified.

Luke, likewise, crouched in front of the delusional man. The red heads hands trembled and his wide eyes stared. He was visibly shaken as he stared at the streaks of dripping red. What should he do? Wasn’t he supposed to apply pressure? What the hell was going on here?

“Luke!” The sound of his own name snapped his green eyes up and he looked past the withering Colonel to his childhood friend, “Go get Tear and Natalia. Quickly!”

The red head nodded and sprinted from the room, still looking terrified and peculiarly childish.

“What the fuck, Jade.” Guy whispered, exasperated. The blond had one of the Colonels bloody arms clenched in his hand, and he shuddered at the feel of the warm, gooey blood between his fingers. “What the fuck were you thinking?”

Jade, unsurprisingly, for he never seemed to show the right emotions at a given time, merely laughed. “You…weren’t suppose to come…” he muttered. A black wave of darkness engulfed his vision and the brunette struggled against the appeasing blanket of drowsiness. As he moved, the hand gripping so tightly on his mangled arm sent a sharp, almost unbearably pain down his spine.

Sure… he had been wounded in battle before. Though he had never hurt himself like this; at least not to this extent.

The Colonel withered in Guy’s arm, and the blond could only stare helplessly, watching blood smear across his own clothing. It was so strange to see Jade like this. This was something he had prepared himself to see in Luke—even though he wouldn’t like to admit it, he knew that something like this was plausible. But seeing it with the sarcastic, witty Colonel? He had never dreamed…

“I wonder…” Jade muttered, gnashing his teeth and letting out a gasp of pain. “I wonder if… she felt this much pain… when I…”

Guy felt a tremor of sadness trigger in his heart and he shook his head violently, “You idiot… This is why you did this? I knew you were upset about it… but, fuck, Jade… Look at you!”

Instead, maybe to spite him, Jade squeezed his eyes tightly and his back arched painfully as he tried to suppress a moan of pain.

“Jade!” It was Natalia this time. The healers of their party came to a disbelieving halt in the door way. After a moment, Natalia threw aside her shock and quickly ran to her companions aid. “Tear, quick, put him to sleep… I can’t work on him like this…”

Jade attempted, silly enough, to stay awake even as the soft purple light fell across him and Tear’s soft melodic voice began to sing him to sleep. The last thing he remembered thinking was; They weren’t suppose to come here.

~*~
“Nnn…”

“Is he waking up?”

“I think so…”

Jade felt the beginning of a migraine throbbing dully in his temple and he sighed heavily, running his hands over his eyes. Why were they up already? He was usually the first awake. His hands stretched out for the nightstand and his fingers walked delicately across the surface until they fell upon his glasses. He swiftly sat up while pushing them up onto his nose. He took a moment to let his old eyes focus and when they did, he was suddenly very unsurprised by the sea of worried and unhappy faces.

“Ah…” Jade said softly, reaching up to place a hand to his now clothed chest. His red eyes closed gently and he let out a soft sigh. “I remember now.”

“…Colonel… I know this might be too soon, but… Why?” It was Anise, of course. He had always been the closest to her. Had he started his own family, he surely would have wanted a daughter much like her. The accusing tone of her voice caused a shudder of despair in his heart, but in his usual state of mind he easily hid that.

“It was quite the mistake. I apologize for the inconvenience. It should have never gone that far.” His voice was even, cool, calculating. Like everyday dinner talk. Hello, how was your day? Splendid, thank you.

“Jade… I don’t think we care much for the ‘inconveniences’.” Guy said. “The simple fact that you did something like that is extremely alarming.”

“Once more, I apologize.” Jade allowed his crimson gaze to focus on the blond. Sudden images of the blond kneeling over him, panicked, holding onto his bloody arms and listening to him sob about how sorry he was for Nebilim’s death flashed before his eyes. They were embarrassing memories; images Jade wished could have been avoided. “I did not mean for it to go that far. It was a mistake.”

“One that could have very well cost you your life.” Natalia said sternly, but there was a quaver of horror in her voice. “You could have died, Jade. Why would you do that to yourself?”

Jade sighed, running a hand across his tired eyes. This wasn’t what he wanted to do first thing in the morning. Explain to a bunch of kids what it felt like to be Jade Curtiss. “I’m sorry.” He finally said, and a tinge of annoyance edged his voice.

“Is that all you have to say for yourself?” Luke snapped. The red head let out an annoyed sigh. “Look, me of all people know what you’re going through. Sure, I hated myself a lot for what happened in Akzeriuth. Part of me still hates me for that, but I never… I just couldn’t…” He shook his head and sighed. “Sure, I thought of it… “ He trailed off, “I guess the difference between you and I is following through…”

“No, Luke,” Tear said,“it takes pure selfishness to attempt to take your own life.”

Jade felt his eyebrow twitch. So this is what everything was about. Suicide? Him? Very unlikely. Jade was far too arrogant to stoop to the level of suicide. In the moment of sheer hatred of himself and for what he had done, he simply wanted punishment for his sin. Death was hardly one he felt he deserved.

“You misunderstand.” Jade said shrugging off the blankets. He swung his feet over the bed and placed them firmly on the floor. “I had no intentions of taking my life. It was simple punishment that went too far.” He felt his legs quiver as he stood, but he was far too proud to show how completely unstable he felt.

Spots of white danced across his eyes and he began to realize he had lost far more blood than he had initially thought. He felt something in himself cracking. Tick, tick, It was like ice cracking across the pond… That damn pond he would skate on as a kid with Peony, his sister and Dist… and the professor. Crack. He gnashed his teeth and let his face fall into one hand while the other reached out to catch himself on the wall.

What the hell was that? A tear? What was wrong with him?

Everything is fine. I’m fine. There is nothing wrong.

“Jade, maybe you should sit back down.” Tear suggested softly.

“No. I’m fine. I just need a shower. If you’ll be kind enough to allow me to do that, then we can continue our discussion later.”

No they wouldn’t. He wouldn’t allow it. This whole incident would be buried and forgotten. Tick, tick. Buried? Ah, Professor… Why would that word bring him back to her grave? So stupid…

“Hold on, now, Jade.” Guy said, standing. The blond pressed his palm, hard, against Jades chest to prevent the Colonel from advancing. “You’re on ‘suicide watch’ now. Be prepared to leave that door unlocked and to be badgered constantly for a verbal response.”

“Suicide watch?” Jade frowned at the opposing hand before sweeping it away. “I already told you, I have no intentions of taking my life.”

“Your actions and what you say don’t add up, Jade.” Guy retorted flatly. He crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow. “Are you going to cooperate, or does someone have to get in there and scrub your back for you?”

Jade gave the blond a deadpan stare. Was Guy chiding him? The faintest of smiles touched the corners of his lips. Of course he was, and rightfully so. Guy was quite the interesting character.

“Do as you wish.” Guy flushed slightly, and Jade made his get away.

As the Colonel closed the door behind himself he felt a sudden weight on his shoulders and he slouched forward, feeling pain all across his body. Yet, that wasn’t right. Tear and Natalia surely healed him to the point where no physical wounds touched him…

Jade straightened, and his gaze turned to focus on his own image reflecting back at him in the mirror. He looked worse than he had imagined. He was extremely pale, which should be expected, and the dark circles under his eyes did nothing to help his case. He did look like a disaster. Even his well placed hair was messy and untidy. At least he was showering now; he could regain his composure.

He slipped off his clothing, and slightly amused traced the handful of faint scars that remained from the night before. Apparently the healing arts could only do so much. Feeling a little edgy about the fact that anyone could burst into the room at any time, the Colonel quickly removed his glasses and stepped into the shower, jerked the curtain closed and turned on the water.

The hot water was strangely painful as it slapped mercilessly on his skin. The man wondered vaguely if it was because he now had freshly healed skin—much like an childs soft skin that so very easily bruised and tore.

“Fuck…” He swore softly, a little surprised at himself. He scrubbed his hands over his face, trying to fight off the sudden choking emotion. What happened last night was definitely not good. He should have never given into those urges of person self abuse. Was he a masochist? The thoughts had certainly crossed his mind, but he had never thought twice about it. When was it the last time he indulged in pitiful self abuse? Fifteen, twenty years ago? Why had he given in now? What had been the point?

He shook his head and water rained against the already wet surfaces around him. Why had possessed him to stoop to that idiotic level again? Sheer depression, he guessed. The last time he had put a knife to his own flesh had been some time when he had returned back to Ketersburg, stared at his Professors grave and was assaulted by horrible memories. It had also been the last time he and Dist had had a decent conversation that wasn’t just exchanging blows to the ego. Back when they had actually still had a hope for friendship.

Jade sighed, tilting his head back and letting the hot water burn against his throat and chest. Dist had been so foolish… Why did he have to keep bringing it up? Like it mattered… It was all his fault that he had turned to that stupid self-abuse anyways. Had he just kept his mouth shut…

The door banged open, “Jade!?” It was Guy, of course, actually poking his entire head in and staring intently at him through the practically see through shower curtain.

Jade slowly turned his gaze to the other, but even if he tried, there was no way he could actually focus on the blond without his glasses. He simply stared in the general direction, hoping the blond would go away before he decided to pick up a bottle of shampoo and chuck it at his head.

“I don’t hear a verbal response, Jade. Remember our agreement.”

“Arise O violent waters to rout mine—“

The door slammed shut before Jade even came close the end of his chant. The Colonel laughed softly, and his head slipped forward to knock gently against the wall. Why was he doing this? He should just come straight out and say it, ‘For awhile when I was young, I had problems with self abuse. The urge became too great, I was too overwhelmed with emotions and I didn’t know any other way to handle myself. I apologize, and I am grateful you care enough to watch over me, but I promise it was nothing but a fluke.’

He suddenly shook with emotions and he fought back a wave of tears. What was this? Tears? Again? He should stop this. There was no time. He reached blindly for the shampoo, squeezed a surplus amount into his hand and began to scrub furiously at his scalp. The soapsuds began to get everywhere; even his eyes and he shook his head in annoyance, trying to brush them from his ears.

Maybe he did just need a good cry? How long had it been? Quite a awhile, he imagined. Quite awhile indeed…

He scrubbed the rest of the bubbles out of his hair and switched off the water. He could hear voices loudly on the other side, but nothing distinct enough to catch anything. They were probably arguing, about him. Oh well.. He already had the speech in mind. He would just—

The door swung open, “HiI’msorryI’makingsureohmygodI’msorry!” Luke flailed, covered his eyes and began to retreat but was seemingly shoved back between the doorframe and door, “I’m sorry, Jade. Guy’s making me do it. How are you?”

“Naked and wet.” Jade replied flatly, staring at the blur of red poking out from behind the door. Could have very well been a stuffed animal, the near blind man would have known no differently.

“I-I can see that, I mean! I’m sorry. Okay. I’m sorry.” The door slammed shut and Jade shook his head, sighing softly. It was like Luke had never seen another naked person in his life before. Jade paused for a moment, shrugging. Well, he probably hadn’t come to think about it.

The crimson-eyed man began to towel off, sighing softly. At some point, Luke must have tossed in a newly washed uniform, and Jade really didn’t mind. He could use new clothing any time. He took his time to dress himself, and for the life of him he really didn’t know why. It was like prolonging a funeral. Everyone knew it was coming, so why put it off?

Ah, funerals... Another soft sigh escaped his lips and he took a brush to his hair, combing savagely at the knots. Nebilim’s had been so pretty… delicate snow flakes fell from the heavens above, and Jade could distinctly remember the powdery snow covering everyone’s head. Peony had been quiet… Nephry had cried, and so had Dist. Dist the Runny indeed. Jade couldn’t have possibly counted how many times Saphir had run his dirty sleeve across his nose in between sobs. And what about Jade himself? He had stood there, stoically, staring blankly at the casket being lowered. He never said a word….

Jade pushed up his glasses. Of course… You were in shock… Why would you say anything? It was a bloody funeral…

Jade took the time to gather his clothing and pile them into the corner. He noticed that his pants still had smears of blood on them. He let out another sigh. He wasn’t use to being so lame and depressive. Being upbeat was part of his personality. Of course, he hadn’t always been like that.

When he jerked open the door, everyone expectedly turned to look at him. Immediately, Jade began to say what he had practiced in his head, “I had problems as a child. I never showed the right emotions. I was always wrong with what I did. I never knew what to do, and I always did everything wrong.” What, this wasn’t what he rehearsed… What was he doing?” “Nebilim treated me like a human being and tried to look past the emotionless bastard child that I was. I repaid her by killing her… I was a monster and deserved nothing but death. “ Well shit, he was crying now, wasn’t he?

He could feel the warmth teetering over the corner of his eyes. It was like time had gone still as he felt the droplet slip from the corner of his eye and slide down his cheek. Well, fuck. This wasn’t what he had planned at all. And yet, here he was standing there, hair still damp, eyes pouring tears, and his lips twisted into what would soon be forcing out sobs.

“This…isn’t what I wanted to say.” He admitted, reaching up to brush angrily at his eyes. “Fuck…”

“Hey, it’s okay.” He felt Guy reaching out and taking him under the arm. He allowed himself to be led towards the circle of chairs and couches and sat down obediently, fighting the tears and staring intently at the floor. “It must have been hard growing up like that. We’re just glad to be a part of your life now. We’re your friends now, and we want to listen.”

Jade felt his head lowering further so he raised his hands up to catch his face. The last thing he wanted was to turn to a mushy puddle of sobs on the floor. There was still so much to do, and no time for silly sob stories.

He felt Anise’s tiny arms reaching around him and she gave him a tight embrace, “Come on, Colonel. You know we love you no matter what, right?”

“Yeah, Jade. There’s nothing you could do that would make us hate you.” Luke said, and he patted the man on the shoulder. “If anything, we just want to help you.”

Jade felt the warmth of the others gathering around, and it seemed that all at once they were in one tight embrace. He felt a flutter in his heart, and this time it wasn’t a bad one.

And Jade the Necromancer knew that everything would work itself out.

[Ramirez]



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