Some Facts of Summer

1. If you punch a shark in the nose it will get scared and go away.

2. Never take a shower or use a telephone during a thunder and lightning storm; the lightning will come right down the nozzle or through the receiver and throw you across the room.

3. Bats are attracted to and get tangled in long hair. Rabies shots are worse than rabies.

4. Don't touch a beached jellyfish, because it can and will sting you. Use a stick.

5. The books you find left behind in a rented cottage always include a paperback copy of The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich. The pages of these books are yellowed and rippled and tend to fall out in chunks.

6. Summer colds are worse than winter colds.

7. If you hold a buttercup up to someone's throat and there is a yellow reflection, it means he or she likes butter. There always is a yellow reflection.

8. Crickets chirp the temperature. You can count the number of chirps in a minute and add fourteen, or something like that. European crickets chirp in centigrade.

9. All cottages have enough hot water for only one shower. There are never any dry towels around anyway.

10. No one has ever seen a baby seagull.

Back to The Neurotic's Summer