Storm of Fears

Original


He hated it. He hated everything about it. He hated how the bright light would blind him and the following noise would deafen him. He hated how his senses were toyed with like some little trivial plaything. He hated the way it made him feel. So helpless, so powerless… so alone.

A bright flash illuminated the room and the demon in the corner jerked into a tighter ball, eyes squeezed shut, palms pressed hard against his ears. A moment later a sound that made his chest vibrate and his breath escape him in a whimper exploded seemingly all around him and he curled tighter onto himself, trying hard not to cry. Damn you, storm, damn you rain. Damn it, damn it, damn it!

How long was this going to last? How many more minutes, hours—days it seemed—
would he be sitting here cowering in the corner like some wounded animal? How many more times would he flinch and cry out with terror? Goddesses, it seemed far too long. His heart was thundering in his chest, his arms and legs were shaking, his throat felt raw with emotions and his eyes stung. Goddesses, please, just make it stop, make this bloody terrible monster stop.

Had he been younger he may have sought refuge from his mother, or maybe even his brother—though not now. He couldn’t do that now. For fucks sake, he was the same man who had graduated top of his class twenty years earlier than expected for the average elf. He was someone that was far beyond his years in both intellect and wisdom. How dare he be afraid of this simple force of nature! How cruel… how humbling.

Another flash destroyed whatever bravery he began to muster. Thunder stole his hearing. He grabbed the blanket off his bed and pulled it tightly over his head. His heart pounded—would he still be able to tell when the thunder came? Or would this block that terrible flashing light? Was it easier not knowing? Anxiety and dread filled him and he shook terribly.

“…Hey in there,” a soft voice called. Yami stiffened, choking on his tears as he listened hard. Was that…? His heart filled with hope. The blanket gently lifted from above and Yami slowly tilted his head up. Wide frightened crimson eyes found the gentle blue of his brothers. Ankei smiled slowly and crouched down in front of his little brother. “Hey, it’s all right, Yami… Don’t be scared.”

“I-I’m not… not s-sca—“ Had to be brave. Had to be—lightening blinded him and he flinched horribly clamping his hands over his ears. He felt like screaming to drown out the awful boom but he found himself unable to catch his breath. Stupid storm. Stupid, stupid, stupid storm!

Ankei searched the others shaking and cowering body for a long time. He couldn’t quite understand this fear his brother now showed. Then again, Yami wasn’t really one to be afraid of anything—so maybe it was good for him to fear something? But fear something so badly like this? Yami was twenty-eight years old. Most children grew out of their fear of thunder—Ankei jerked back in sudden realization—when their mothers and fathers came to comfort them during their first storms—during the times when they were really, truly, terrified of the ferocity of nature.

Ankei felt his chest tightening.

Yami had never received their mother’s gentle kisses as she sang softly to ease his angst. Shrain had been too sick to hold Yami when he had finally grown old enough to fear the potential of a storm. Ankei had been lucky, she had been able to hold him, to tell him everything would be all right… and when she hadn’t, his father had.

Kitisrumi had always been surprisingly gentle when Ankei had been young and scared of his first real storms. He hadn’t told him he had to be big and tough to rule Aurora Kingdom—he had said you just had to be stern, but gentle while being understanding and diplomatic. Kitisrumi had held him and talked in that forever comforting voice and, that in itself, had always just lured him into sleep… But Yami? Kitisrumi wouldn’t even look at him, let alone touch him. Yami had never been told that the storm would go away, that everything would be all right, that mum and dad were there to protect you…

Now at twenty-eight, the demon still cowered in the corner like his child self had done since the moment he could remember those powerful and terrible storms.

“Hey…come here… It’s all right.” Ankei reached underneath the blankets and pulled Yami up against him in a tight embrace. Touch—it felt so wonderful to have it. Yami shakily reached around him, burying his face into his older brothers neck. “Don’t worry, Yami, I’m here for you… It’s going to be all right… It’ll go away.”

Will it? Yami wanted to ask bitterly. Of course it would. But while it was here it would terrify him more than anything else he had ever experienced. He hated himself for fearing it. Hated himself for being so scared in front of him. Yami shuddered helplessly.

“Hey… Yami?” Ankei tilted his head so he could try and catch a glimpse of his brothers face, but Yami was elusive and refused to let him. “You know it can’t hurt you, right? The lightening stings a little and the thunder is kind of loud… but at the end of the day you’re going to be fine… Nothing’s going to hurt you…” He waited for Yami’s response but the other seemed to just stiffen—probably with anger. “Besides, I’m here to protect you,” Ankei said quickly.

Yami finally looked up at him—and when he did, Ankei was a little thrown off by the venom behind that stare. His eyes were fierce—glistening with the hint of fiery tears and his lip trembled ever so slightly. “I don’t need—“ the prince flinched at the flash of lightening and clenched his teeth, looking away as the thunder assaulted them, “I don’t need you to protect me.” Goddesses, how it hurt to even utter those words. Yet, Yami couldn’t help himself. He hated himself for not being able to fend the storm on his own. If only Ankei would keep his big mouth shut… He didn’t need to remind him how pitiful he was.

“Everyone needs someone sometimes… It’s all right, Yami… We’re all vulnerable at times…”

“Not me.” Yami pushed himself away from his brother and took the blankets with him. He fell back against the corner of the room—wedging himself between the wall and his desk. “I don’t need you… I-I never have… Go away.”

“Yami… You can’t mean that.” The blond crossed his legs and arms. He shook his head slightly causing his feathery bond hair to tickle his neck. Ankei smiled slightly, “It’s okay to be scared…”

“It’s not.” Yami shuddered, pulling his knees into his chest and resting his face into his palms as he laid his hands on the upraised knees. “Please… I can do this alone. I always have…” Lies… He prayed that Ankei would see through his façade—but Yami was playing the part so well. His words were filled with such conviction, such loathing.

Ankei’s eyes saddened profoundly and he stood slowly, straightening his clothing. He hesitated a moment longer, “You know where my room is… I’ll always be there when you need me.” The blond smiled half-heartedly to the man that couldn’t quite understand and left.

/I’ll always be there when you need me./ Yami repeated slowly, questioningly in his mind. Yami laughed quietly, somehow doubting this. He pressed his fingers harder against his eyes to try and stifle the painful tears. Rain beat furiously at the window just to his right and the sound was making him think of a violently beating heart. Almost a mockery… If only Ankei knew.

/I have always needed you./


[Ramirez]


<sub>A/N: I started to write this when I was feeling really crappy. At first I was going to make Shrain come and comfort him but for some reason I decided on Ankei since it made more sense to me. I ended up stopping after having too many painful memories associated with Ankei's name and real life... but decided to end it in a way that both myself and Yami could relate to. I'm not very happy with how it went and kind of pissed at myself for letting real life-emotions get in the way of writing it how I wanted, but I'm getting over it.

I sorta figured this would be around the same time that Yami was realizing he was falling for Ankei. Being brothers he hated himself for that and didn't want to ruin Ankei's life so he starts doing little things to push them farther and farther apart. It eventually works. Painfully well.</sub>


Back to: Ramirez's Art