The netpaper about Elftowners, by Elftowners, for Elftowners.
Burning Wood
by [All_Most PUNK]
Based on a true story by [
All_Most PUNK]
"So, tell me, how do you burn wood?" said Drunkard 1 to Drunkard 2.
"I burn it... Iiii burn it... C’mon, if you know so much, what kind of wood is darker: the oak or the iron?" answered Drunkard 2, trying to stay straight with considerable difficulty.
" " Explained Drunkard 3, who was passed out on the floor:
"See? See? He really does know a lot about wood, not like you, Drunkard 2," declared with conviction Drunkard 4 (who, curiously, was also Drunkard 1), pointing towards Drunkard 3, who, of course, didn’t react at all.
"And what do you know, idiot! When you started working with wood, I already had 12 years of experience cutting it and making plates with soda cans" responded Drunkard 2 with a cutting edge on his voice. He was thinking that it would have been a better idea to name himself Drunkard 1 or Drunkard 10, that was a lot more impressive.
" " Drunkard 3 argued again from the floor, totally firm in his position (laying with his legs straight and a napkin covering his face).
"See? He really does know about soda cans! Besides, I went to Spain, so I really know about wood. I bought
tapas from a Spanish guy and, d’you know what?, they were made of wood. I almost broke a tooth with them. But there I learned about wood."
The one talking now was Drunkard 1, without loosing any face in front of the arguments. Also, he had decided to change his name to Rudolph.
"Look, Rudolpha, when you cut your first tree, I was 40 months old and was working with my two sons, their three grandchildren and my ET named Rudolph. So don’t come here saying that wood is made out of cardboard boxes." This was said by Drunkard 2, who still went by that name.
" " Drunkard 3 said with conviction while a fly danced on his nose.
"See? He really does know about trips to Spain made by ETs! And he isn’t thinking about naming himself Drunkard 10, as if that was more impressive!" raised his voice, a little, Rudolph, who now wanted to be called Drunkard 1. "Anyway, if you know so much about wood, how are the lines of the wood? I’m sure you don’t even know that!"
"Look, Rudolpha, by the time you polished your first branch, I had already been working, with my father in the middle of the forest, for over 240 years making trees. So don’t come here saying that you know about wood. And do you know what else? No, no, you don’t know, because you don’t know the first thing about wood. I'm fed up with you. I’m leaving." Drunkard 10 stood up, kicked the stool around a little bit, mumbled something about James Woods and walked away.
" " affirmed, kind of insecure, Drunkard 3, who probably was going to sleep for the rest of the week.
"See? He really does know about kicking the stool! Bah, go, go. You know nothing, anyway." Drunkard 1, whose ID now said 'Rudolph', returned all his attention to his glass of wine. Then, he looked at the person that was sitting in the stool next to him "And you, how do you burn wood? Because I’ve been trying to find out how to everywhere and I can’t. I tried the Internet, the National Library, several book stores, the newspaper, the race course, in the Black Woods and I can’t find an answer, y’know? I haven’t seen a tree in all my life, so I’m totally at a loss here..."
This is, honestly, based on a true story. A conversation I heard once while eating at a small bar with a friend. I may have exagerated some parts a little, but just a little bit.
Note: Tapas is a common dish from Spain. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tapas
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