Taco of The Funk's Stories

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2009-07-20 21:17:49

Last author: Deus Ex Taco
Owner: Deus Ex Taco

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Stories by: John McCullough

Enjoy =]

The Macabre Festival:

My name, who I am, where I come from. None of that is important. What I know, however, is. About 25 years ago, there was an emperor by the name of Slade. The atrocities that he had enacted made the world view him as a tyrant. One such atrocity was the Macabre Festival. Once every full moon, he would select a village at random. That village would have to sacrifice a newborn child to show their undying faith in Slade. When it came time for my village to be selected, the father of the newborn strongly protested the affair. However, the people ignored his plea to save his son, for we were all too afraid of Slade to refuse him his cruel demand. On the night of the festival, a group of soldiers, including myself, ventured to the capital of the world that Slade called his home.

When we reached his city, we made our way to his palace. It seemed he was celebrating early. All of the streets were soused in blood. Knights of his Chaos Army lined the pathways in organized formations. I had never witnessed such a terrible sight. Even more terrible yet, was the emperor himself. It was easy to see how he had come so far in his reign of terror. His figure stood a good 7 feet tall, his pitch black hair fell down his gaunt, pale face and down to his shoulders, which were as wide as a bear’s. His deep, malevolent voice bellowed out with power throughout the courtyard as he proclaimed,

”You who are my subjects, it is time to fulfill your duty to me and my holy empire. This fulfillment will be paid in blood! On this night, the moon as been born again, so to balance this new life that shines upon us, we shall cease the life on another. This child will uphold the nature of existence, and with it’s death, we shall continue to live on!”

I began to slowly ascend the sinister stairs that led to Slade, carrying the infant in my arms. As much as I wanted to, I could not stop my legs from moving. Scaling each black, smooth step, one by one, until I reached the emperor.

“To you, your highness,” I began to say with the taste of bile in my mouth, “I offer this flame so that you may extinguish it, thus preserving the delicate balance of life and death.”

Then I held my arms out toward Slade, the newborn wriggling and whimpering within them. The emperor began to reach for the child. Before his sinful hands could grasp it, however, I pulled away from him, clutching the small and frail infant close to my chest, trying to assure it of its safety. I have never felt as much fear as I did in that moment. My honor was about to be the end of me. Slade drew his colossal blade with the most immense look of malice and contempt that any human being could possibly make.
“You who dares to defy my holy empire and I. You who denies this world it’s rightful balance. Die at my hands, and feel the wrath that you have invoked upon existence itself!” roared Slade.

He raised his blade that seemed too heavy for anyone to be able to wield high above his head. The smooth, black metal shined brightly in the moon light. How terrible that something so beautiful could be held by someone so wicked. He began to swing down and I closed my eyes, preparing for my end, knowing that there was now nothing I could do to save myself, or the infant crying in my arms.

I heard the sound of a sword tearing through flesh and I felt the warm spray of fresh blood, yet I felt no pain. Was I dead? Was that the end? I opened my eyes and to my horror, saw what had happened. The father of the infant had leapt in front of the blade at the last second. I gave the now disemboweled man a sentimental and mournful look as he gazed up at me and his son, with a blank expression on his face.

“Please…T-take care of my son…His name is…His…Name is…Seris,” said Seris’ father with his dying breath.

I moved his lids down over his tear filled eyes after what was left of his body went limp. A single, lonely tear went down my face, honoring his bravery. I would not let this man’s sacrifice be in vain. I would not let his son, Seris, die at the hands of this evil tyrant that stood before me, soaked scarlet with blood. I knew I could not take the emperor on by myself, especially not with Seris in my arms. I also knew that my comrades would not dare lift a finger against the emperor due to the constant shroud of fear that loomed over them. So I did the only thing I could do, I ran. I ran faster than I thought possible. I ran further than any animal could have hoped. I was driven by the father of Seris’ will and his resolve to protect his son.

Now, 25 years later, I have sought out all of the teachers that I can. I have had Seris trained in every way possible to prepare him. I admired him as I remembered the once small child that I held in my arms. He had now turned into a fine man. He stood at almost 6 feet tall. His long, blonde hair traveled down to the bottom of his shoulder blades. The shining white and silver armor that he had donned gleamed in the sunlight as we and the army we raised, the Sacred Soldiers, marched to the palace of the emperor. We would arrive in two days. Those two days marked the anniversary of the night when I first met Seris, the night of the Macabre Festival!

We approached the vile city of the emperor. Waiting for us, about 10 leagues away from the city, was Slade and his Chaos Army. We continued our march at a steady pace, our steps shaking the earth as if a mountain were being raised from the soon to be blood soaked soil. We halted about half a league away the emperor and his army.

Seris shouted, “You who serve the wicked being who dares to call himself a man Slade! Know that on this day you shall perish along with your vile king! On this night, the moon is reborn. This rebirth is the beginning of the demise of your evil presence here on this earth. Know my name and fear me! I am Seris, and these are my Sacred Soldiers! On behalf of my slain father, and everyone else who has been scarred by the hands of Slade, you will all die! Charge!”

The sound of our battle cries and our feet stomping the ground was greater even than that of thunder. Our armies met in a clash of white and black armor. The only sounds were the clashing of swords, the tearing of flesh, and the breaking of bone. The Chaos Army was nearly silent, except for the sound of laughter that escaped their throats when they felled one of our soldiers. Seris was glorious on the battlefield. All of those years of training made him a force to be reckoned with. He tore down the soldiers left and right, like a maelstrom of vengeful fury. He was slowly making his way towards the emperor, who was sitting on top of his pitch black mare, letting his wicked soldiers do the fighting.

I started moving towards him, slaying members of his Chaos Army as I went. Finally, I reached him. He got down off of his steed and roared,
“You dare defy me a second time? I will wash away this taste of impudence in my mouth with your blood you wretch! Die!”

He unsheathed his glorious great sword and charged at me. I, however, was the one to make the first move. I stabbed my sword toward him, meaning to impale him. He parried my strike and made a counter, aiming his wing at my legs. I flew over his sword and brought mine down upon his helm, which was the color of the midnight sky. I thought I had found victory and let my guard down, but he did not falter. He lunged at me one last time. I felt a terrible pain as his sword pierced through my stomach like the wind through a net. Slade smirked as he removed the blade from my body. I gazed at it as I fell to the ground, the blood was glistening in the moonlight. My death was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

As I hit the ground like a giant tree chopped down with an axe, I heard Seris cry,
“NOOOOOO!”

I then saw him strike at Slade, with his silver long sword with a white hilt, there was a scarlet ruby imbedded there. The emperor blocked his strike, but was knocked back several paces. Seris kept up the onslaught, swinging strike after strike, wearing Slade down. Slade finally found room for a counter attack which caught Seris in the side, denting his armor and sending him flying a few feet. Slade laughed in triumph and began to walk towards Seris to deliver the finishing blow. A tremendous feeling of desperation overcame me as I struggled to rise. Using the last of the strength left in my dying body, I hurled my sword at Slade like a javelin. The blade spiraled through the air for what seemed like an eternity, and met it’s mark. The sword struck Slade in the back, and in it’s wild rebound, the hilt also struck him on his now unshielded head. He cried out in pain and turned to look at his assailant. He looked shocked, as if a ghost was standing before him. Using this opportunity, Seris quickly rose to his feet and lunged at Slade, letting out a terrible battle cry that could strike fear into the devil himself as he did so. Before Slade could react, Seris swung his sword with such godlike speed, I hardly saw the outline of it. Seris landed past Slade, snapped his sword in the air to remove it of the blood that now stained it, and sheathed it. Slade’s body went limp as his head slowly rolled off of his shoulders and hit the ground with a dull thud.

     “Good riddance,” said Seris, with malice in his voice.
I fell to the ground once more, and gazed up at Seris. It was a magnificent sight to behold. He raised his sword high up in the air, the moon’s light reflecting off of it so beautifully as the Sacred Soldiers cheered wildly. Seris then looked at me with saddened eyes. He moved over to me and said ever so kindly,

“You have been like a father to me for 25 years. You are the true hero of this day, not I. You saved my life for the second time today. This battle shall be named after you for your honor. The day that the wicked emperor Slade was slain and his people freed from the oppression that was forced upon them. The bloody battle where the Sacred Soldiers met the Chaos Army in a violent clash of blades. The Battle of Cayden!”

“T-Thank you…Seris…I am s-so glad that I could raise you as my own…Live on, lead the p-people down the path that we have opened for them…I love you oh so dearly. I shall tell your father of your deeds when I see him,” I said with the final reserves of air left in my failing lungs.

Maybe now my name, who I am, and where I come from are important. My name is Cayden, I am the father of Seris, and I come from the now liberated empire that was once Slade’s. I gazed up at pale, full moon. I restored the balance of it’s rebirth with my life as I closed my eyes and gave in to death’s embrace.

Epic poem based off of just another boring day in shop class. Written by a friend and myself for an English assignment n.n

Sing to me oh muse, and give Rodney the strength to bypass the dimwitted Bianco and save his alluring box. The notorious Taco took the glorious and precisely crafted metal box, which was believed to be made from the heavens above. With Rodney’s tool box in hand, Taco looked persistent on destroying every ounce of glory making Aphrodite herself weep from the pure beauty being crushed between the sinful hands of Taco McCullough.

The day began with the Bianco’s voice ringing through the classroom like a chorus of baby angels singing on a Christmas morn. His words pierced through the class’ ears like wind through a net for no one listened to the impudent orders of the Bianco. Try as he might, the Bianco ceased his attempts to tame the morbid class. One in particular was the ever-defiant Taco. He struck fear into the hearts of lions and Hades himself. The Bianco, try as he might, had no chance of taming this one, for he is like a stallion wild in the open flames of the underworld.

We descended into the shop, with the Bianco close behind. Taco found some well-structured tools that seemed to be crafted by Hephaestus. He used these sacred tools of creation for his wicked act of destruction of the creations of the innocent and tender people. The innocent people tried to warn the Bianco, but he just sang out in his awe-inspiring voice, “Don’t worry about that right now. Just bend your metal.”

The Bianco was blinded by the constant shroud of fear that Taco smothered him with, like a freshly born infant straight from the womb. One student stood stronger than the rest, however his valor was no match for Taco’s ever lasting slaughter of things that people held sacred to their hearts. The tears of the innocent tender people sustained Taco’s hunger for sadness and contempt and left the ignorant clod Bianco repeating his phrase, “That is one warning. You only get one.” The Bianco’s words were hollow and soulless as usual, for Taco always obtained more than one warning. The amounts of stars in the night sky were the only things that could compare to the amount of Taco’s warnings.

Taco finally arrived at the best box of them all. This box seemed to be crafted for Athena herself. Rodney’s box seemed indestructible with its perfectly sculpted structure, but the demonic Taco with his ways of destruction, overwhelmed its perfect craftsmanship. Taco’s box was evil and grotesque just like Pandora’s Box. The jealousy was building up inside him with the magnificent sight of Rodney’s glorious box. Taco placed the metal box into the clamps and began to close them like Cerberus’ maw of death and despair. The class looked on in horror ,frozen, as if they had gazed upon Medusa’s eyes. The Bianco was so terribly weak in that moment of strife that his self-esteem was lowered by the atrocity that Taco was committing. Unlike the other students, Rodney wasn’t going to stand idly by whilst the cruel Taco let the clamps devour his project like a black hole of malice and malevolence.

    Rodney’s voice rang out through the spacious Metal working shop as he attempted to quell Taco’s anger. “Look Taco , you can smother your evil ways and halt your smiting of this innocent class. They are mere beings like you and I. We should all get along with our tools from the Heavens and finish these boxes the right way, the way of innocence and purity. Come, Taco, join the class and be seen as a figure of good and not the tainted ways of evil.” Taco grinned even wider as he saw the tears building up in Rodney’s beautiful eyes. Looking into these eyes was like looking into a glistening ocean made of orphans being adopted with love and care. These eyes angered Taco further and he began his treacherous act of turning the bar of destruction. Rodney dashed with the speed of Hermes and the figure of Hercules with his glistening chest and rock hard abs to stop Taco.

    Taco’s grin was like that of a newly formed rainbow of blood as Rodney’s rippling thighs pushed ever on. The destruction was close at hand and he believed that victory was in his grasp. Before he could finish the demonic deed, however, the perfectly-sculpted Rodney, with his hair blowing in the wind, took his hands of justice and thrust them into the chaotic heart of Taco. Taco cowered away like a maimed hyena before the wrath of a white tiger. Rodney exerted his dominance above the Bianco, thus restoring peace and harmony to the Introduction to Metal class.

2009-01-31 [kristaltia]: oh, wow... amazing.
they are right, you are an exceptional writer. :P
lol.
Keep it up! You have amazing talent! :D

2009-07-09 [Nae.palm]: WOW.
This is fantastic! Have you thought of getting your writing published??
I want to read more!!

2009-07-10 [Deus Ex Taco]: Really?

Thank you n.n

Nope, I've never thought about getting it published :P

2009-07-20 [kristaltia]: YOU MUST GET IT PUBLISHED! :D

I would buy it. ;)

2009-07-20 [Deus Ex Taco]: Oh wow, well maybe then I'll consider it :D

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