Super Rawking Conversations With Teh Mally

[++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++]

With Teh B3cky

Scene:[In media. Everybodies silent while watching a film....]

Becky: *whispers* Want to see my knickers?
Me: Sure

scene:[Mally matt and becky talking in media]
mally: maaaaaattt
*Matt doesnt reply*
becky: he's sick
mally: no hes nooot!
becky: he IS
mally: ok lemme see *hits him* OMG MATT NAKED CHINEASE WHORES ALL OVER THE FLOOR
*matt stares blankly*
mally: OMFG HES SICK
becky: i told you so

scene:[Me and Becky dearest in media and im trying to concentrate when she keeps TALKING TO ME.]
Becky:what ya do in the holiday pooface?
mally: *super concentrating* nothing.
Becky: *Laughing* hahaha you just answered to pooface.
mally: hmm

[shes a retard]

scene:[Mally and becky talking. Mallys getting changed]

Mally: omg becky, stop staring at my ass.
becky: im not, im staring at mine.

scene:[outside in school (Woah does that make sense). anyways becky picks up a stick]
mally: its a stick
becky: its not a stick. eeets a steeeek.
mally: *Stares blankly* ok *walks away*.

scene:[me and becky are holding rosalinds video camra. shes gone insdie back to class but we;re just walking along happily]
mally:*just randomly* OMG DROP IT.
becky: the camra? shede kill us.
mally:lets do it..!
becky: you do it. I DARE YOU.
mally: okay *Takes camra and places is softly on the floor*
becky: *laughs*

[we both bend over and just stare at it blankly for 2 minutes almost as if it was from outter space. we're staring in total awe , like 'omg' and we touch it, then back away etc...].

mally: wow.
becky: its so...
*we both get up to see our PE teacher (some trainer guy) just laughing at us*. we were like. ..
mally: um. hi there. we didnt see you creeping up on us! *laugh nervously, pick up the camra and LEAVE*


Malleh And Teh Nicholas

scene:[Mally and Nick have an argument :O]

<b>Nick: ARE YOU JUST MAD THAT I HAVE MY CLOTHES ON?
Me: YES.


scene:[My nicholas wa feeling quite godly I guess]

[*Mally in mid conversation*]

<b>Nick: I feel like jesus
mally: so then..what
Nick: lol, i dont have shoes on and my hair and stuff. lots of people have told me i look like him today
me: you feel like jesus because you dont have shoes on?
nick: JESUS DIDNT WEAR SHOES MALLY

Scene:[Nick is *constantly bouncing on pillates ball* ]

<b>me: NICK. JESUS CHRIST
nick: mally you dont  have to call me by all my names

Scene:[Later on..]

<b>me: nick, jesus...I love you
nick: please dont call me by my stage name


scene:[Nicks being an asshole the whole day. Mally has ENOUGH]

<b>Nick: Its because i dont feel I have to be "cool" around you.
Me: Trust me. your not.


Nick: MY WIFE, MY LOVING WIFE. PLZ MARRY ME IN 10 MINUTES
Me: how about five?
*Silence*
Nick: k like, do you seriously wanna get married like when i see you this year?

Me: Um we could wait lol
Nick: nah im kiddin i would never marry you
Me: Oh gee. lets never get married
Nick: k
Me: OMG NICK YOUR BOYFRIEND POINTS = GONE TOTALLY
Nick: Fuck. okay lwell i still have husband points. lets get married so i can move onto losing those too.

Yes this is the man i will be spending the rest of my life with....how ironic

Scene:[On teh phone...]

Nick: okay mally, im focused on you now..
Me: Yah about frikken time


scene:[mally talking to nick]
mally:i love you more than onions

[simple - but true none the less]


scene:[mally and nick talking - again]
mally: you know, if you say 'elephant juice (like mouth it' it sounds like your saying...
nick:I know
mally:like...
nick: i love you
mally:*realising he just stole her thunder* I FUCK YOU.
nick: youll fuck me? really?


scene:[mally talking to nick about tying her hairup]
mally:i need a mirror
nick:the webcam IS a mirror
mally: i need a mirror that updates quickly
nick: okay thats my new msn name.


Scene:[mally talking to nick]
*nick does something stupid*
mally:i love talking to you. it gives my mind a rest


Mally and teh Ianio


Scene:[Kay this one we're talking about transvestites...I love R.E]

Teacher: So just imagine if one of your male teachers came to school in a dress...
me: Like you sir?
Teacher: *laughs a little* no not like me, i cant really imagine myself in a dress..
me: *loud* oooh I CAN

*silence*

Ian:Mally please stop imagining him inna dress
me: *laughs* hahaha but i cant help it


scene:[for our drama assignment we had to do 'the three little pigs'. im the wolf:) you know the scene where the wolf goes to each of the houses and says something like 'lttle pigs, let me come in' - well i kept saying 'little wolves let me come in'...]
mally:little wolves let me come in...
ian: Were pigs, but its okay
mally: *still not understanding* uh. im a rabbit?
ian: okay. you're a rabbit. im a pig.

[moving on to the last house].

mally:: little wolves let me come in.
emma: mally we're pigs.
mally: uh oh. ive been calling you wolves havnt i?
emma and ian: yup.
mally: start again?
everybody: yup

Mally And teh Members of Authority

scene:[at homebase. i wanted some tennis balls]

mally:*to the assistant guy*. Hey, can i see your balls please?
guy: um.
mally: where do you keep them?
guy: *laughs uncomferatbly*
mally: oh shit. man. TENNIS. TENNIS BALLS.
guy: yeah, uh, just over here.

scene:[In R.E class the teacher asks MALLY what one of the main causes of divorce is. her mind goes blank lol.....]

teacher: Mally, what is one of the main causes of divorce? do you think??
mally: *thinks* um *mind still blank* marraige?


scene: [ during science ]

science teacher: *Stares at me blankly for like 5 minutres* Is there a reason you find this amusing?

mally: lol no, i just dont appreciate being constantly stared at for 5 minutes.

*silence*

teacher:: get on with your work now



scene:[ in history class while hes telling us some story thing]

history teacher: So one day i was texting my friends
mally: *whispers* he has FRIENDS?!?!?!?!


scene: [history teacher- again]

history teacher: I outshatted myself (sounded like he said that anyway)
mally: you OUTWHATED YOURSELF?


scene:[*mally very confused in maths- the maths teacher notices and is about to walk up to her when she wails....in a broken sorta mortified scream...*]

<mally: DOONT COME NEAR ME
teacher: *not knowing what to say - just stops in his tracks* thats probably the most hurtfull things a pupil has said to me -- "dont come near me"


Scene:[Me shouting in mid conversation while teacher walks by]

mally: *Really really loud as teacher stands behind her* I HAVE NO ERECTILE DIFFICULTIES THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I could have died


scene:[In Religious education today, we were talking about prejudice against gays....because we do that sometimes O_O]

Teacher: Generally Gay men are more prejudiced against that gay women....

me: *super loud* YAH BUT GAY WOMEN ARE HAWT.

*everyone stares at me*

me: Im not a lesbian. Honestly.





Mally And Teh Great Vag

Scene:[On the phone to vag while talking to my mom]

<b>Me: I was never 12 years old
Vag: Mally did you just say you were never 12


Scene:[Rosalinds conversations with her brother David which i found to be Fucking hillarious]

scene: [On the way to the hospital]

Vag: *points at hedge* David theres a quicker way through there....
David: *pause* yes well it would be if there was a way through the hedge
me: lmfao
David: oh look rosie theres a much quicker way through that Wall too!

Scene:[David taking the piss out of Rosalinds Vegitarianism]

David: just you wait till the great famine and then when all the sane people are eating a nice Steak you can go munch on a leaf. She makes our mother go out to Marks and Spencers to buy expensive packaged leaves when theres a perfectly healthy garden out in the back.

Scene:[In leeds :O:O]

Me: Does my ass look big in this
Vag: Mally, your ass always looks big
Me: heeeey!
Vag: haha im joking, you look very "petite"

scene:[marches into bookstore........]

Me: *marches into a HUGE BOOK STORE with a very determined air about me* I need to buy "slaughter house five"
Vag: uh. why?
Me: Well Nick read it and he said it was good, So I want to read it *Whines*
Vag: um okay sure.
Me: hehe *marches a few steps forward to find corridors leading away in every direction* right..um *pause*

*silence*

Vag: Mally..
Me: okay. lets go *marches out*
Vag: Mally didnt realise the hugeness of the shop. lol
scene: [Beaming proudly....]

<b>Me: I enrolled you onto a website :D
Vag: *silence* *Sternly* What ?
Me: cannibals annoymous
Vag: mally. please PLEASE tell me your joking
Me: no :)

scene:[talking at lunch time....]

<b>vag: yeah did anybody watch that episode, a couple were taken into hospital because they were like stuck to eachother. *silence* like in eachother....*hahaha*
mally: what the fuck
vag: well they were having sex...
mally: again...what the fuck
vag: mally they were just stuck OKAY
mally: haha maybe they thought the glue was lube...
vag: like in american pie?
mally: exactly

([okay. Right now im sitting backwards on a chair and im really really uncomfertable, i have my hand like on the rim of my trousers, well, down my pants kay, lol, BECAUSE i was just like. rearranging stuff...kay])

mally: *Really long silence* im stuck....(I MEANT THE CHAIR. I COULDNT MOVE FROM THE CHAIR. I WAS STUCK BACKWARDS FALLING OFF THE CHAIR)

vag: *looks at hand in pants* Mally. have you been using teh glue again?


scene:[Discussing womanly issues..as you do]

vag: Ugg my periods extra early this month, i dont know why
me: *inteligently* Well maybe your not pregnent?
Vag: thanks mall


Scene:[Just general conversation :D]
<b>Me: Yeah i was up really late last night...:)
Vag: Doing what?
Me: Just doing stuff
Vag: Doing Nick?

*lmao*

Vag: omg my shoes are STILL wet from tomorow.

wtf


scene:[Im freaking out in the underwear shop...]

Vag: honestly. its like a kid in a candy store. *silence* Wait, its like me in a candy store.
mally you and your FEWD!

Scene:[Mally telling vag who was online on her contact list]

Me: this guy called tom, this girl called kirsty, this guy called Ian, This guy called Brad, this guy called Cal, this girl called nikita, this guy called uh girl.


scene:[Phone call with teh great vag. I had slept in and missed my bus for school. Therefore I was not In school. So she calls me, while im still asleep and totally disorientated. Fun!]


vag: MALLY
me: um who I..what?
vag: WHERE ARE YOU!!
me: I..I..dont know?
vag: you dont know?
me: um I
vag: no listen, why arnt you at school?
me: I..dont..dont know?
vag: are you coming to school?
me: i dont know :S
vag: what are you doing?
me: I I I dont know?
vag: omg youre hopeles...

mally: hey rosie how long is your brother? *Realises* shit. i mean. how tall is he. haha


scene:[mally and vag on the phone]

mally: *says something*
vag: *mummbles*
mally: what?
vag: nothing
mally NO TELL ME
vag: *in the cutest voice ever* no, you'll hit me

[still talking on the phone]

mally: you know, im gonna have a shower today, to make me feel really sexy. And then im gonna get into something nice. Then get naked.

vag: Mally you sound like a sex line


rosie: *Says something really really funny*
mally: HAHAHAHA i havnt laughed that hard since i was a little boy
*silence*
rosie: um
mally: yeah that was a real conversation killer eh?


scene: [So she explains something, and then a few minutes later, I somehow forget.]
rosie: have you got the memory of a rock?



scne:[ my THEORY]
mally: *trying to seem inteligent by explaing this really long winded theory about um, fire doors*

rosie: you know, you are the reason why people commit suicide

scene:[me and vag going through math questions]

me: omg you are going to FAIL
vag: hey if im going to fail what the hell are your chances

scene:[Me asking my weird questions]

Me: vag. if you were never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever get sex in your life...would you do it with....a horse?
vag: *silence* no mally. that is morally wrong

scene:[Discussing textiles and stuff. when i was making a cushion for nicholas]

vag: well you could do a bow
Me: How do you do a bow?
Vag: *patronising* mally. like you tie your shoelaces you tie a bow! 

scene:[on teh phone once again]

Me: I think im getting stretch marks on my legs
Vag: Well its because your growing
Me: Im getting them and i dont know how or why
Vag: mally did you just listen to anything i just said
Me: What. I think its because ive been practising the splits and stuff
Vag: mally its cos your growing, people grow. Pregnent women get it.
Me: *insulted* IM NOT PREGNENT
Vag: stretch marks in your STOMACH MALLY. not your legs.

scene:[In a class room. Shes sitting on the other side lol]


Me: hey vag.,...
Vag: mally. whats my full name?
Me: Vagina?

scene: [LOLLLL]
me: it was vag , me and, uh whos that other girl that we hang out with someimes?
vag: harriet?
me: thats the one

scne: [just PROVING she likes being called vag]

mally: rosie?
*Silence*
mally: Rose??
*Silence*
mally: Rosalind?
*Silence*
mally: Kirkham??
*Silence*
mally: ROSALIND KIRKHAM?
*Silence*
mally: VAGINA?
*TURNS around real fast*

VAG: YEAH?

scene:[LMFAOOOOOOO]

Me: do you enjoy touching horses
vag: in what context
me: in a totally sexually context
vag: MALLY
me: lol okay in a non sexual context....
vag: ugh no im not having this conversation with you
me: lol okay like, example, i like touching furry things, but it doesnt nessisarily mean that i am attracted to all furry things
vag: yes but you are
me: yes but thats not teh point


Scene:[Vag in maths]

Me: *says something gross*
Vag: *silence* You are repulsive.


scene: [ me and vag talking]

*rosies says some really uber serious story. Mally isnt really paying attention. she pauses for a response*

mally: how very erotic


Scene:[*big conversation about lips*]

rosie: *to hatty* you have really thin lips...

hatty: i know :(
izzy: its not bad
hatty: hmmm...*to mally* you have HUGE LIPS
mally: OH THANKS
izzy: thats good....like VELUCTIOUS MELONS
mally: my lips look like veluctious melons
hatty and rosie: hahaha
mally: yeah i know im pouty
hatty: yeah you are lol
mally: omg dont agree with me
rosie: *to izzy* you have really pale lips
mally: OH YEAH i know, their like minge lips *Stops* SHIT. i mean. not minge lips. I mean like, they minnnngle into your skin tone.
*izzy mortified*
mally: NOOO its not like that, its just like a huge opening in your face.
*izzy mortfied*
mally: aaah fuck this *walks away*


([I wasnt saying ANYTHING thattoday :S])


Scene:[On msn yet again....]

rosie:omg...this is so awqard with matt
me:yuo spetl tit rong
me:its awkward

*mally realises she spelt every word but awkward in the sentance wrong* lol

scene:[VAG RIPPED MY UNDERWEAR]

Vag: *rips MASSIVE hole in mallys thong*
Me: OMG I JUST LOST MY ASS VIRGINITY TO YOU
Vag: eww
me: *checks ass out in mirror. realises that hole looks quite cool, its positioned just before crack. rosie has created a new brand of thongage* Hey vag this is cOOOL!!*shows*
Vag: mmm! easy access!
me: easy access to my ass? why the fuck.

Scene:[in a big field outside my house]

Me: *POINTS* OMG LOOK ITS A RABBIT. NO ITS A HORSE! ITS A HORSE. LOOK AT THE HORSE.
vag: mally. its a cat.



scene:[rosie and mally on the way to school]
mally: wanna see me naked?
rosie: No thank you
mally: its okay

scene:[lol me feeling really uh, sexual haaaahahah]

mally: his voice is SO hawt. I could just listen to him for hours and hours. its like, I dont CARE how he looks , hes HOT, so im just fucking lucky, I dont care what hes like, i just want to have sex with his voice.

scene:[Me explaing to vag about the joys of having the house to myself]

mally: i love it when my moms out, because it means i can run around the house in my panties and bra and noone will ever know
rosie: mally you know your typing alloud right?




Malleh And T3h Mafphew

scene:[Matt and I- talking about his new chinease girlfriend lol - let me remind you that this innocent little girl came on an exchange to england to experiance english culture. right.]

Me: Aw so who asked who out?
Matt: she asked me out kinda.
Me: how how how
Matt: well it was on msn. she just said "I dont have a boyfriend. Do you want to try"
Me and matt: *OMGLMFAO*

[Later that day...i was walking along teh corridor, linking arms with him and shouting...]....

Me: HES GOT A GIRLFRIEND
Matt: AND ITS NOT HER.

Scene:[on msn talking to maff]

<b>me: when did he say that?
matt: a minute ago
me: yeah but when was a minute ago
matt: i dont know like two minutes ago
me: What the fuck matt

Scene:[on msn lol...]

<b>matt: hihi
me: DONT TALK TO ME I HAVE AIDS
matt: dont care. prolly have it too
me: fair enough


Scene:[Running to matt while walking to drama]
Me: *runs up over to matt and joe and jumps on matt* HEY
Joe: oh look its the dirty whore
me: HEY *punch* what did you say?
Matt: he said that "oh look its the pretty whore"
joe: lol matt, you know the opposite of dirtry isnt pretty. its clean.
me and matt and joe: lmfao

Scene:[Invites matt to an audo conversation..]

Me: can you hear me?
matt: oo o oo o o o talk!
me: kay matt, I am...
Matt: owh? i dont think its working then
Me: Maffy, are your speakers up lol? are they even on?
Matt: lol yes they are.
Me: sure?
Matt: yes
Me: are you super sure?
Matt: I dont know. but im super sized


Scene:[Matt asks me somethin]
Matt: mally, would you ever fuck a fat person?
Me: lol hmm i dont think so :P unless i was REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH THEM. AND HEAVILY SEDATED.


scene:[matt and i talking in media about christina agularrriaaa however the hell you spell her name anyways]

me: maaaattt
*matt turns around in really sexual way*

matt: hmmm yesss *licks lips*

me: ew matt dont look at me like that

matt: hahaha like that christina agulara song, you know, when she's like "dont look at me"

me: omg yess. hey matt *SEXY christina agulara voice from the song....* dont look at me

matt: okay *Turns around*

me: MATT lol. *throws book*


Scene:[When Matt and Phil came over...I was surprised that Matt came because there was a possibilty he couldnt...]

mally: MATT. YOU CAME
matt: yah i know, no need to rub it in
phil: no matt, if you rub it in, you'll NEVER get the stain off



scene: [me and matt]
mally: my hands are cold
matt: want me to put them down my trousers?

*silence*

matt: That a yes?
mally: No matt.
matt: what is it?
mally: its a no
matt: I tried
mally: *scary stare* you failed
matt: I know
mally: miserably
matt: goodbye
*Silence*
matt: your loss
mally: oh gawwd matt I KNOW!
matt: *blink*


scene:[trying to get matts attentiong]

mally: *trying to get attention* Matt im hurting
Matt im in pain.
Matt i need to talk.
Matt im in love
Matt nothings right
Matt what do i do
Matt im going to cry
Matt i need you to help me
Matt im loosing everything
*gives up*
MATT IM NAKED

*silence*

matt: and your problem is....

*tearfull silence lol*

matt: maybe you should masterbate. *Silence*


Scene:[Matt And I discussing the serious hawtness of Angelina Joli]

me: Omg shes so hawt I could turn lesbian just staring at her
Matt: Omg shes so hawt I could cum just staring at her

Scene:[on msn woooo]

me: Matt I love you

Matt: n I sexually Love you too altho i wanna sexually kill u as well. I have to goooo. bye byee
me:I love you

Matt :then y dont u fuck me then
*Goes offline*

scene:[On msn......]
me: wanna see something funneh?
matt: is it your face?
me: HEY


scene:[Theres no such thing as a non sexual conversation with teh matt]

me: hi matt
matt: I think i smell of cum


Mally And Her M0ther

scene:[conversation with mom]...

me: mom im getting my belly button pierced
mom: no your not
me: yes i am
mom: no your not
me: mom im not asking you for your permission, im informing you...
mom: oh


scene:[im rummaging through the kiitchen for food]
mom: what are you doing?
mally: im curing world hunger. starting with me

scene::[My motha trying to be teh kewl]

mom: righty mateys....
me: ew mom dont talk like that
mom: whaaat!
me: that is SO not cool
mom: if one of your friends mom's talked like that, you would say they were 'cool'...
me:no
mom: you WOULD TOO
me: okay fine, but you sound stoooopid
mom: why!
me: you're trrrrying too hard
mom: sooo...youre saying you like me the way i AM
me: *Stares blankly* no im saying youre weird
mom: hahahaha
me: hahahaha


scene:[we're walking back from david loyds and my moms says:]

mom: I want a thong
me: Whaaaat??!?!?!?!?!??!?!
mom: hmm yeah, im going to buy one., just to see what it feels like
me: mom, please dont.
mom: why not!
me: because, thats morally wrong. you're,my mother. youre OLLLLD
mom: im not THAT old. anyway why cant old people where thongs
me: *Cringes* ewwww *Shudders*
mom: well you always wear them
me: and youre point IS?
mom: I want to try one. buy one for me
me: hahahah there imma buy you the one saying "sexy sixty" on the front.
mom: ewww MALL
me: *laughing* haha mom, please NO
mom: no im being serious
me: I KNOW THAT. that's why its freaking me out
mom: why is it freaking you out so much
me: eeww images
mom: i actually have a small bum
me: mom STOP
mom: no really, Im only a size...
me: MOM
mom: Im going to start wearing really sexy nightwear...like you
me: NOOO
mom: like that little see through pink thing you have
me: mom please no
mom: I like the feel of satan against my skin
me: great but please doooooooont
mom: why NOT
me: YOU'RE MY MOM. YOU CANT BE SEXY.
mom: I WANT TO BE SEXY. IF YOU CAN THEN WHY CANT I
me: IM NOT, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
mom: fine ill buy it myself
me: FINE
mom: FINE
me: can i choose the colour pleaseeeeeeee? *Smiles innocently*

scene:[My mom can be stupid sometimes....]<?b>

<b>mom: so mally, you need to clean your room, the cleaning ladies are coming...
me: So i need to clean my room?
mom: yah, the cleaning ladies are coming today

me: um, you want me to clean my room because the cleaning ladies are coming to clean my room today...
mom: JUST keep it clean for them!
me: but then, what are they going to do?
mom: CLEAN
:me: clean WHAT?!
mom: the house. we pay them to clean the HOUSE.
me: then why do i have to clean my room?
mom: because your ROOM is part of THE HOUSE.
me: MOM i know THAT.
:mom: just clean your room...
me: for WHAT?
mom: the cleaning ladies, dont make me repeate myself.
me: mom your telling me to clean my room so that the cleaning ladies can RE CLEAN MY ROOM?
mom: not reclean
me: what then just to stand in teh middle of my room thinking 'boy, this is one CLEEEAAAN room'.
mom: you have to make a good impresssion.
me: if your going to pay money for them to admire our house because its soo clean thats wasting money mom...
mom:they arnt going to ADMIRE anything..their going to CLEAN IT.
me: then WHY DO I have to clean MY ROOM. i will, but i dont understand why...
mom: just DO it *getting mad*
me: OOOOK!

*cleans room* *stares blankly*

what the fuck

scene:[Mah mom is teh coolest]

Me: So yah mom, I feel much more confident in class and stuff. its really good. I even volenteered to read in english :D you know how much i hated that. Also I play the part of Elizabeth Proctor when we;re acting it out :)
mom: thats really really reallys good! so what do you think made you change?
me: mmm. Maybe its the drugs.
mom: really?
me: *Seriously* yes

*end of conversation*


scene:[**mom puts the most hideous coat on ever**]

Mom: I don’t care what you say. I like it, imma wear it. I asked your aunt and she said it looked fine!
Me: Mom no, please don’t do this…
Mom: do WHAT!
Me: Mom you look half male and maybe a tiny portion female, and the rest I don’t even know…mom please no
Mom: Mall, that’s not very nice! **laughs**
Me: yeah im sorry but neither is that thing your wearing
Mom: OH come ON
Me: Mom I will not be seen with you in that. **both laugh**
Mom: Ugh why do you make me do this **Takes of coat and puts it in the closet**
Me: THANK YOU
Mom: Why do you do that!
Me: Do what
Mom: that!
Me: Im protecting you

Teh Mally and Teh Ianio And Teh David. Teh tw33 Muskatweers!


scene:[*Watching "Mississippi Burning " in Re*

Mally Hey he looks like Tom hanks.....and toby Maguire
Ian: What a crossbred?

*lots and lots of laughing because Ian is just so funny*

David: Hey mally, you look like...
mally: who who who?
david<?b>: that guy...

*Siilence*

<b>mally: Guy?
david: Off CBBC. Cbeebies. The tweenies? YES thats it.

(For those who do not knnow - the tweenies are creature like things)

Ian: Dave but their like colourfull, bright pink creature things.
david: Yeah so?
Ian: How kind, Mally, dave thinks you look like a TWEENIE!
mally: yay *unenthusiastically*
David: OH WAIT.. wrong one. I meant the teletubbies. LALA? no wait. PO.
Ian: lmao. the red one?
David: Yeah i think so
Mally: David will you please go suck your cock someplace else?

scene:[Just before school started. Mally=Not happy]

David: Malllllly….Do you have your R.E book?
Mally: No I don’t…. I forgot it
David: hm okay. Mallllly do you have your Spanish Books?
Mally: No I don’t
*Silence*

david: Malllly? Do you have your bag?
Mally: Probably not

scene:[totally random but scary]


<b>Ian: *totally seriously* Yeah i always found girl knickers to be quite uncomfertable.

*stare*

Scene:[David's stupidity once again]


David: Have you seen Daddy Day Care?
Ian: No
David: ok. have you seen the part where the girls like...
Ian: DAVE. I HAVNT SEEN IT.


Scene:[Ian explaining to me....]

Ian: *explains how he did like 4 1/2 pages for drama homework"

Me: oh dewd, thats totally bleeding man

Ian: most of it is just a stage plan though

Me: HAH CHEATER

Ian: shup!



scene:[David and I on the bussss]

David: a b c d e f g oh my god i forgot my alphabet *laughs REALLY HARD*
Me: *stare*
David: Why dont you ever laugh ?
Me: Oh I do, your just really not funny


scene:[Ian and I walking from Religious studies. After this time, we always do this same conversation after Re :D Its like a habit now.]

me: Ian will you walk me to history
Ian: I have spanish...
Me: *pause* Will you walk me to history
Ian: I can walk you to spanish
Me: Will you walk me to history
Ian:Will you walk me to spanish?
Me: Will you walk me to history and then ill walk you to spanish
Ian: Will you walk me to spanish?
Me: Will you walk me to history
Ian: Will you walk me to spanish?
Me: sure! *pause* HEY!
Ian: *laughs*

Scene:[*I was supposed to have callled ian last night about when hes coming over* ]

<b>me: IAN IM REALLY SORRY I DIDNT CALL LAST NIGHT....I HAD A SHOWER.
Ian: *pause* for five hours?

[teh next day ]

Me: IAN IM SORRY I DIDNT CALL LAST NIGHT.... I ...
Ian: let me guess. you were taking a shower?
Me: YES
Ian: for another five hours?

Scene:[Me and Ian discussing something...]


me: omg and then i woke up and i was ASLEEP!
ian: *laughs*

scene:[During reg]

me: *whiny* iaaaaan . *SMACKS HER ELBOW ON THE TABLE* FUCK.
miss: *doing register* malavika...
me: *wimpering* yes...miss.
ian: lmfao

scene:[Dave trying to say sorry]

David: *Trying to appologise* mally, come here, mally, come here, come here mally
mally: ew im not CUMING anywhere NEAR YOU




Mally and Teh B3rtie

scene:[*bertie and mally sccurrypast some shop windows*

*mally stops and looks in the mirror*]

bertie: LMFAO MALLY

hey we were high. and im just vain

Teh Mally Teh Vag And Teh Hatty

Scene:[Uh just read it already]

Hatty: *hands me 45p*
me: thankee

*vag walks in*

Me: Oh hey, Harriets just buying some shrooms off me...
Vag: right
me: yeah look shes just given me...*counts* 45p change
Vag: are you sure its not just change to buy you a twirl?
me: shut up.


Scene:[At our trip to the big pile of rocks with school!]

Me: *mumbling for about five minutes while hatty and vag are having a conversation. hatty is drinking. so im mummbling right...and then suddenly i say...* BULLSHIT *with soo much venom in my voice lol*

Hatty: *chokes*

scene:[Just talking about precum]

mally: *spills water all over hatty*
hatty: *shouts* UGH LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE NOW. YOUVE MADE ME PRECUM.

scene:[At teh sleep over. hatty wakes up EARLY]

hatty: the best things happen in the day. the early bird catches the worm

mally: THE EARLY BIRD SHOULD BE FUCKING SHOT.

scene:[Anyways, i got my friends to cover for me when they came over, and just say that they also stay up to the ridicules hours of the mornining too]

hatty just takes it a step too far.

mom: So how much sleep do you guys get usually?
izzy: hmm coouple of hours :)
rosie: yah same here
hatty</b: I just dont sleep


([the best part was was how casually she said it....i cant describe it. She just shrugged as was like, yah no biggie..])

<b>mom: So what time do you go to bed?
izzy: Two or three?
vag: yeah two to three thrity? sometimes four
hatty: *in all seriousness* I go to sleep at seven am.


*Silence*


me: you know hatty, theres over the top, and THEN theres you.

scene:[BIG BEASTY SCENE WITH HATTY.]

okay well after that. We're just admiring our beauty in the mirror when this year 9 chick runs in crying and goes into the toilet. so naturally, me being the caring and loving person i am, is like ["are you okay.........?"]

She just whimpered and cried harder and said ["we're getting our flu jabs and im so scared of needles. everybodies getting them *Cries"]

So hatty, the most helpfull person on the planet is like:

<b>OMG it hurts SO much doesnt it

I looked at her, totally in disbelief. how the hell could she say that. I hit her and i was like, jesus christ harriet.

she just burst into more tears. and hattys like.

"Youve had it already right?":

Girl: [um no not yet...*Scared face* *Cries*]

I looked at hatty like, omg wtf have you done. and i was rapidly trying to think of away to get her out of this situation.

Hatty: oh um *totally changes her tune* it doesnt hurt at all.

We both just stared at her like. harriet just leave lol.

and THEN she said:

umm WELL IT DOESNT. ACTUALLY IT DOES. NO IT HURTS FOR MOST PEOPLE. NO SOME PEOPLE. IT DIDNT HURT FOR ME UM I UM

at which point i realised force was the only method. i grabbed her hand, appologised, told her it wasnt bad at all and left.

[what the fuck would she dew without me]


and then we're in mid conversatio and i happened to besaying "omg shes so hawt" t the time as this girl walked passed. she sorta stopped in her tracks, put her thumbs up and said "thankssss!!"

scene:[See tampon machine charging 50p or whatnot for a a TAMPON]

Me: OMG YOU HAVE TO PAY 50 P FOR A TAMPON. WTF IS THIS WORLD COMING TO. WTF HAPPENS IF YOUR BLEEDING AND YOU NEED SOME AID AND YOU DONT HAVE ANY MONEY WITH YOU. OMG MOTHERFUCKER. I BET THIS WAS DESIGNED BY A MAN. I MEAN, ITS NOT LIKE THEY HAVE TO WALLOW IN THEIR OWN BLOOD FOR A WEEK EVERY MONTH FOR THE REST OF THEIR SORRY LITTLE LIVES. I THINK NOT. HAH. ITS A DISGRACE. OMG. OMG OMG OMG FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER. FUCK YOU.
Hatty: *trying to get my attention* MALLY. there are other people IN HERE.
Me: oh jesus christ
person: hi mally
me: um. hello. im sorry about that.
person: lol um. its okay. it happens all the time.


Mally and teh people she dont remember

scene:[mally reciting lots and lots of adverts from tv]
mally: ...omg i dont believe i know so many of them.
person: me either. I think you need a therapist.
mally: yeah i think i need an exorsist.

scene:[talking to someone pretty retarded]
mally: are you a moron or are you just possessed by a retarded ghost?
guy: dont get smart with me...
mally:me get smart with you? how would you EVER know?


scene:[mally talking to somebody]
mally: you know what im thinking?
person: no, what are you thinking?
mally: no idea, isnt that kinda frightning?

scene:[lootta people in a room together. its really silent]
mally: OH MY GOD. YOUR STEALING MY MAGICAL SOCKS.
person: your magical socks?
mally: yewp, their magical.


scene:[mally talking to a guy :S]
mally: stop it
guy: *laughing* stop what?
mally: you know what...
guy:*whos still laughing* whaaat?
mally:stop it!
guy: stop whaT?!
mally: stop thinking 'it'.
guy: thinking 'it?'
mally: yes thinking 'it'.
guy:how do you know what im thinking
mally: i saw you thinking iit. bitch.

[later that day- the guy approaches me]

mally: dont even think about thinking 'it'


scene:[mally talking to this guy again....:P]

mally: so, so you say you love me...
guy: yes, yes i do...
mally: how?
guy: uh, because your so beautiful, and funny, and...bla bla bla.
mally: oh god. i mean, HOW, do you love me?
guy: what do you mean how?
mally: well like 'how'.
guy: *Silence* uh. i do it with my heart?

scene:[mally talking to someone with big head]
mally: i can see my reflection in your forehead. you know thats not good right? (i know that was MEAN, but i couldnt help it. i was grumpy)

scene:[friend going up to write on the board]
mally: *Screams* DONT DO IT, YOUR STILL SO YOUNG.

scene:[at a big fancy chinease restaraunt and im eating the noodles. anyway there was this HUGE MASSIVE KILLER NOODLE which i was eating i go :]
mally: *more or less shouting* OH MY GOD, IT WAS LIKE 15 INCHES IN MY MOUTH. *silence*
mallys mom: could you please keep it down?
mally:sorry.

scene:[watching some star wars thing and they kept saying words like reserection, inserection....]
mally: inserection, reserection, so many erect...*pauses*. im gonna go the toilet now.


scene:[on the bus, this guy says this thing, the funniest part is, he didnt realise what he said]
retarded guy: so is it like a pussy colour?

okay. well i found it funny.

scene:[science class.....]
teacher: so can anyone tell me what a-sexual reproduction is?
retarded guy: yes. its when you need too orgasims to make a baby.
teacher: actually. your a little off there.


scene: [mally and friend talking about when they wanna die...]

friend: maybe when im like 80 something? In my sleep....:)
mally: IM GOING TO LIVE FOREVER. or atleast, die attempting it.

*Silence*
friend: yes mally.

scene:[mally talking to a friend about this flower thing]

<b>mally: omg there was a really pretty flower out there but it was dead and crushed to the ground....:(somebody killed it

*silence*

friend: did you kill it?

*Silence*

mally: how can you say that!!

friend: did you?

*Real long silence*

mally: oh my god

friend: you did didnt you

mally: thats not the point

*silence*

mally: okay so what if i did


scene:[mally realises she just worked something really clever out...]

mally: *realises she has the upper hand on something BIG* MWHAHA NO ONE CAN DEFEATE ME....NOT EVEN YOU.
friend: Actually...*proves wrong*
mally: shit



scene:[me teaching my friend..]

me: okay you need to trust me now. just imagine this. this ball here has te charge of + 1. This has a charge of -2 and i am an extreamly attractive young woman.


scene: [conversation about lying....]

mally: OMG YOU LIED TO HER
friend: no not lying...
mally: what the hell do you call it?!
friend: umm
mally: well?
friend: it was only a little white lie
mally: A LITTLE WHITE LIE?! ITS MORE LIKE A FUCKING HUGE BLACK AND GREASY HAIRY ONE.

Me: *looks at phil Baguley* That fluffball needs some pussy.


a smitten kitten
who was wearing a mitten
was bitten
by a chicken


Me: HAHHAHAHAHAH NO ONE IS EVER GONNA LOVE YO! *you AND YOUR GONNA DIE A COLD AND ALONE AND THE ONLY PERSON AT YOUR FUNGERAL WILL BE M!
friend: no ones gonna love I?
me: TO LAUGH!
friend: okay but whos M!
me: shut
me: UP
friend: XD


me: I will kill you as you sleep

me: *throws shoe*
friend: HEY wahts that for
me: *shrugs*
friend: oh well, i wasnt wearing shoes before anyway
me: *blink*. what did i throw then?
friend: *pause* mally, where the hell is my sandwhich.


friend: I love you?
me: I lover your daddy

Me: Should it be a sunny day, a cold day or a moony day?
friend: you mean night?
me: shut up

me: omg the pope is like "TEH POPENATOR. - ILL BE BACK!"

annoying person: malllly why are you being so anti-social
me: i am not antisocial. I just hate you.


me: *mummebling*

[someone tries talking to me]

me:. Hello. Conversation going on here. dont talk to me when im trying to talk to myself


Friend: *explains herself for the 100th time*
Me: ok ok ok ok ok ok i understand. wait what?
friend: MALLY


scene:[ my moms like lecturing me while we were shopping. shes telling me about this person we know]
mom:</b> she spent so much money all the time...always shopping for clothes and stuff, now look whats happened...
mally: what? shes pregnent? (She actually is)what the hell does THAT mean?
mom: lol

scene:[ okay this was in registeration and i was really really tired due to lack of sleep lol. And im like mumbeling something...]
mally: uuugg..uuaah...
hatty: lol
mally: *thinks*whats the time?
hatty: ten to nine
mally: no that wasnt the question *okay <- it sounds weird but its beause like, i was thinking of a question and it didnt come out right so i asked what the time was and um...*
hatty: *doing her 'i-think-your-retarded' face* Yes it was...
mally: *softly* It wasnt in my head...
hatty: well it Was in your voice

Scene:[*mally writes in her history book something*]

hatty: what does that say? :S
mally: hospital
hatty: uh..no it doesnt.
mally: yes it does
hatty: mally you've written hospalily
mally: NO I HAVNT *checks* oh. Maybe i have

*laugh*



scene:[well you know...]

guy in school being an asshole: you are full of so much crap
mally: well all YOU are is cum, vagina juice and a broken condom.....

*Silence*

mally: suck it UP buttercup. go take a shit (i LOVE that one - you get the best responses)




Some guy to me: You maybe small but you have the power to kill
Me: ooh yesss


rand0m


scene:[Mally observing rosalinds earings. like DEWD they were this funny coloured and everything....]
mally: OMG is that a picture of Jesus christ in them? *moves head closer before realising*...OH ITS MY REFLECTION. hah.

Scene:[somebody choking]

mally: *Super super concentrating*

*Friend keeps on and on and on coughing CONSTANTLY*

mally: *looks up sternly lol*
friend: im *cough* dying *Cough.....*
mally: Well could you please die silently


[Someone asks me...]
Interests: your mother.

Me: *on the phone to somebody* helloooo
Steven: um who is this?
Me: I am your worst...um....uhh...*totally forgets*...
Steven: nightmare by anychance?
Me: Damn straight dawg


*Me and Ashlee walking up towards chemistry. Matt is looking sorta constipated*

Ash (OMG LIKE POKEMON. oh yes, I know you watched it): whats wrong with matt *to matt* MATT WHATS WRONG?
Me: mmm
Ash: I think his penis is hurting again

Mark: i wnt boxxing lst nyte
me: oh nice! did you kill anybody?
Mark: no onli ad 2 fytes
Me: you had two fights and you didnt kill anybody? oh man. You suck.
Mark: well 3 but 1 wlked away.
Me: oh go you. okay Mark you need to start spelling your words correctly.
mark: lol
Me: its not a laughing matter.
mark: wot u up 2 2nyte
Me: wtf.
mark: I fort u wer cewt
me: what
mark: sweet innocent mali
me: as apposed to what? oh gosh no, im harcore mon.
mark: u broke mah heart
Me: I did what?! When :S?!


Me: Im always happy. except when im sad.



[Ever so seriously in Biology.....]
James: Are you Pregnant?
Me: Yes James I asexually Reproduced offspring.
James: *turns away*

By TEH IZZY

Scene: [Sarah and Izzy in Izzy's bedroom]
Izzy: *falls over*
Sarah: Izzy! What happened?!?!
Izzy: ... It hurts me to think.

Scene: [Yet another maths lesson...]
Izzy: What do I do now??!!?
    There's nothing left on the board for me to copy!!!

Scene: [...*blank stare*]
Phil: Evening.
Izzy: OMG IT'S YOU AGAIN
Phil: Never mind...
*pause*
Izzy: Hi.

Scene: [Conversation between Emma and Izzy in computer room]
Emma: *points at screen* OMG! I HAVE ONE OF THEM!! It's a... What do you call it? You put a photo in it?
Izzy:... A photo frame?
Emma: That's the one!!!!!!

The next bit was written by teh izzy, so the "me"'s = Izzy

Me: I'm getting my hair ringletted on thursday!!
Alice: Oh good. I can't wait to fuck you with that.
Me: *blink blink*

Alice: *nibbles*
Me: *licks*
Alice: *pinches*
Me: *rapes*
Alice: oh
    rude.

*doorbell rings*
Me: *screams*
  *runs downstairs*
  *opens door*
  Owwww. My TOE
Dad: *stood outside door*
  You're supposed to MOVE your foot when you open it.
Me: Screw you.

Me: Mally.
  I think Libby's brother just walked past my house.
Mally: ... OHG


   FSGB


   DBGFJMS


   F


   CSAZGB,.DF S


   G'D


   SF#]'DS


   GD


   S#H'


   *Head hits keyboard*
Me: Oh no... Maybe it was just someone else fit.

Mum: Do you have the bin bags in your room?
Me: Nope.
  I ate them

[*bell goes at end of history. Also end of day*]


Me: WOW! It's like, the holiday!!!
Mally: No, Izzy, it's not like the holiday. It is the holiday.
Me: ... Screw you.

Me: I hate Tracey Emin.
Dad: *walks into kitchen* I hear she speaks very highly of you...
Me: I mean, look at her!
Dad: Well... She does have a rather... Unfortunate look about her.
Me: She's unbelievably ugly!!!
Dad: ...I suppose that's another way of putting it.

[*So we're all lying on the grass in the park after ballet, with me copying Hatty's chemistry hwk, and Mally leaning on me writing a letter*]


Me: *reads* 'So you need to light a spank...'
  What?!!? Why are we lighting spanks?!?!
Hatty: I'm sure I wrote sparks...
Me: That SO says spanks...
Rosie: It really does
Hatty: It says sparks!!
Me: Maybe we were lighting spliffs...
Rosie: ...Like that time we asked Wusty for a spliff...
Me: ...'Hey, sir, can we have a spliff to light our bunsen with please?'
Mally: *dies*


Me: you are so odd
  but i love you
Rosie: haha....odd....nah....nobody is quite as odd as you..
Me: omgthatissomean
  HAHAHAHAlookatthelackofspaceage
Rosie: heheheyouaresodumbattimesitisunbelieveablebutheyyoucannothelpitasyouaresoweird
Me: it's inherited =)

Me: Uuuuuuuuugh
  *dies*
Ashlee: Are you ill...?
    Or doing coursework?


Me: Sarah?
  Do you still love me??
Sarah: No, ive hated you since you slept with my girlfriend and had an affair with the cat next door.

*On phone to dad*
Me: Hey, I dropped cheese all over the floor
Dad: Well maybe you should clean the cheese up
Me: Or, alternatively, I could kick the cheese under the fridge and hope nobody notices
Dad: Or you could do that.


*me and lolo looking out teh window in teh music block. There's a bunch of random year 8's looking at something. Lolo is eating some green chewy thing*


Me: What are they looking at?
Lolo: They're stripping a guy. Then they're going to eat him. Like cannibals.
Me: ...They're going to eat his penis raw.
Lolo: *chokes*


~*~


Mrs E: Strawberries grow on the earth
Briony: ...Don't strawberries grow on trees?

*izzy and rosie waiting outside physics...
stuart walks out of his form room*



.....




*glare*


*in last weeks physics lesson. We were supposed to be doing something.
...Feck knows what.*


Ian: We now have a fully working circuit.
Izzy: Oh really? And can you prove that fact?!?
Ian: *turns circuit on*
Izzy: ...Shit.


~*~


Ian: *frazzles wire*
....I think we broke it.


~*~


*I was trying to teach Dave how to be
cool. He stole and read one of Mallys notes a while back. People still hate him for that*


Izzy: *writing Mally a note to give to her in history* See Dave? Cool people write notes to each other.
Ian: .... Uncool people read them


*me and Mally were on the phone*


Izzy: Mally, have you put the phone in your mouth again?
*silence*
... You have, haven't you?
Mally: *tries to say something*
   *fails*
Izzy: I'm sorry, Mally, I can't hear you because you have a phone in your mouth.


~*~


Mally: Did you call me?
Izzy: No Mally, I'm talking to you telepathically.


~*~


Mally: Are you talking to me now?
Izzy: No Mally, I'm talking to the brick.


~*~


Mally: And Rosalind's boyfriend's sister, no. Wait. Boyfriend's girlfriend. No. Sister's boyfriend... Uhh... Girlfriend's boyfriend... No. No. Brother's girlfriend...
Izzy: Rosalind's brother's ex-girlfriend?
*silence*


~*~


Mally: I didn't realise what I was saying until I realised what I was saying.


~*~


Mally: Is it 'cos I'm black?
Izzy: ...Yers.


Mally: Aaawww...
*pause*
You smackhead =)
Izzy: ...*blink blink*


(I kept answering questions in history)
Mr Atkinson: Who can tell me who the surgeon was who discovered circulation initially?
Lauren: Some muslim guy...
Me: Ibn An Nafis?
Atko: Excellent! *stamp*
Hatty: *with much surprise* Izzy!!! You're on fire!!!!!


*talking about a cd*
Me: Omg. We SO have to buy that
*pause*
Dad: Whaddyou mean we, white man...?


Me: FUCK me!
Mally: Izzy.
  Been there.
  Done that.
Me: XD


Mally: Hehe...
Izzy: ...What?
...
What have you done now?
*pause*
Mally: Omg that's so evil!!!!!



Mally and teh emma

scene:[. cold day. talking in our fantastic german linguistic skills]

mally: ICH HEISSE KALT
*silence*
emma: my name is cold?
*silence*
mally: uh i mean. ICH BIN KALT.
emma: yeah thats the one cold :P

Mally and Teh Br0ther

scene: [me and mmy bootiful brother]

brother: *Getting really really mad*
mally: BLAH. go take a shit

[Me lecturing my brother about the importance of homework]

me: sure dont study if you dont want. go work in macdonalds , spunk in all the batter. flip burgers or something. have fun.
brother: *mortified**long silence**looksaroundroom* MOM SHE SAID SPUNK!


me: [helping in the education of my brother] okay this bits really boring, pay attention.
brother: no.
me: okay.

Brother: So like can they do anything special?
Me: anything special?
brother: like do they have special powers
me: who? cannibals?
brother: yeah. like can they climb up trees really fast
me: *LMFAO* lolololololol "can they climb up trees really fast" lol. no they're just normal people who eat...people.
brother: no but i mean, about the trees thing..like (we are tlaking about the scene in hannible when he throws that dewd out of the blacony with his intestines hangingout)...how did hannible get up to the top of the building if he cant climb trees really fast?
me: lmfao....there is such thing as stairs you know.
brother: oh are they allowed to climb up stairs?
me: omg lol YES. they can climb up stairs.
brother: so like, they eat other people
me: yewp thats what they do
brother: why?
me: i dunu, OOH if HUMANS ARENT meant to be eaten WHY ARE WE MADE OF MEAT!
brother: because thats the only product available at the supermarkets.



Me: *points at picture of mary kate and ashlee* whos prettier
brother: well they kinda look the same to me


Brother: Your so gay you idiot ([vicious I know])
Me: Uh whats wrong with gay people? are you homaphobic?
Brother: no its just gross . like gay men *Shudders*
Me: so why are you calling me gay like its an insult. homopobe
Brother: what does that mean
Me: people who are anti gays
Brother: oh I thought it ment people who were afraid of gays.
me: lmao
Brother: it said phobic on it. you gay idiot.

Brother: Yeah we met this guy on the street who's from your school. he says he knows you...

Me: Me? he knows me?

Brother: Well yeah thats what he said.

Me: Is he in my year?

Brother: No he's in year 8

Me: And he knows me?! haha im so goddamn popular.

Brother: *stare* anyway. yeah he says he knows you

Me: Whats his name

Brothrer: I dunu :S

Me: You didnt ask him?

Brother: no i told you we just met him on the street.

Me: okay well what did he look like?

Brother: well, he had this ...face

Me: *stare* He had a face? Helpfull. Thanks brother.


Brother: Hi
me: *Stares blankly*
brother: you've turned evil again havnt you?

Mally and teh susie


Susie: *Starting to talk about something* My body...
me: PLEASE NO. I DONT WANT TO KNOW.

me<b>:I need to close the door *Silence*
<b>susie: yes that would involve getting off your arse and using your legs to munouver yourself towards the door.

bored


scene:[just randomly.....]
Izzy: Spinning down bypasses are fun.


scene:[ok well we'vve just had our sex ed talk. and me and my friend hatty have been taking the piss out of the little year sevens who ran out from the class room holding giant pads and blushing like it was the greatest thing ever. so yeah, it was the end of our lesson and the teacher was like:]
Lady: okay so we have some sample tampons for all of you
hatty and I: *really really LOUD* YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. OH YESSS!

*silence*
*everyone in hall turns back and looks at us*
*hatty points at me*
*i point at her*
*they're still staring*
uh oh


scene:[in teh computer room, im talking to a sixthformer]
Mally: so yeah like....
Rosie: sorry about her ^^ shes quite retarded.
Hatty: OMG rosie that is so mean. shes not retarded.
mally: no im not *beams*
hatty: shes 'special'

[thanks a wholeeee lot]


[it was funny at the time]



scene:[mally's friend Anna points at spider man picture]
anna: how does he breathe in that thing.
mally:*ever so seriously*. hes spider man. he has spidey powers.


scene:[in maths, teacher guy asks mally hard question which she spends 5 minutes trying to answer, sooner rather than later she forgets everything]
mally: so then, when you divide it by the surd you get *Silence* uh oh. i think i just swollowed my brain.


Scene:[Maths- Sara and Izzy. Izzy is being completely oblivious to everything and Sara is trying to get Izzy's attention]
Sara: Izzy.... Izzy.... IZZY! IZZY IZZY IZZY IZZY!!!! HOBO.
Izzy: ...*turns round*

Scene: [Mally's bed]
Izzy: I will eat your brains...

Scene:[mally runs up to this really pretty flower]
mally: omg look its so pretty, its the most beautiful flower ever *crushes it to the ground*

I killed it


Scene:[mally is examining rosies earings]
mally: omg is that an image of Jesus christ? *realises* OH wait its my reflectoion

Scene:[maths teacher...]
teacher: you know, sometimes i read words that arnt actually there

[OUR UBER FUN MATHS LESSON XD XD >.<]

scene:[Mally writes the word 'quadratic equations' on her book. Izzys staring at her]

izzy: Quadric? what the fuck is quadric?
mally: *silence while she observes her stupidity* Quadratic, Izzy... QWAAARD-RAAAAT-EEEC... Q-U-A-D-R-A-T-I-C. Put the sounds together... Quadratic.

[well it seemed funnier at the time]

scene:[Izzy puts her hand up and asks what something says]


izzy: um what does that say? the little one next to the two
Maths teacher: *silence* are you asking me to tell you what two times two is?
Izzy: *thinks* four?
maths teacher: well done, maybe we can consider moving you to set one ([this is the clever group of people]) where they've mastered the two times tables.
izzy: *Wails* Im so confused....
mally: *laughs hysterically*
Izzy: I feel stupid now >.<

scene:[Pollard (the maths teacher) in the background of mally and izzys conversation...]

pollard: ....bla bla bla....trust the formula.
Izzy:*blank stare* Did he just say "trust the formula?
Mally: yewp.
*silence*

I trust the formula.

Izzy: Formula, I trust you

Scene:[girl in our maths class asks the teacher a dumb question]

girl: Is that cubed or squared?
Pollard: You're asking me if minus three cubed is cubed or squared...*blank stares*
girl: cubed?
pollard: well done.
mally : *laughs hysterically*
Izzy: what what what? tell meeeee.....
mally: well She just said 'is that cubed or squared' and Pollard is like 'your asking me if minus three CUBED is cubed or squared. *laughs more*

*izzy laughs too*

*silence*

Izzy: I dont get it.
mally: *stares blankly*

Izzy: *subdued* They're going to think im such a retard.
mally: yewp
izzy: *sighs*

scene:[Izzy and Mally prancing down school]
mally:: OMFG IZZY I LOVE YOU
Izzy: OMFG MALLY I LOVE ME TOO :)

....................................Later....................................

*we're singing songs*
mally: we are SO cool
Izzy: we ARE. SO MUCH. We are GOOD.
mally: You're good
Izzy: no your good
mally:im good
izzy: your good
mally: im good


scene:[religious education in year 8, talking about who gets the custordy of the children when the parents divorce. the teacher just says that the more responsible parent gets it]
izzy: what if the fathers on crack, the mothers an alcoholic and the brother has direct links to the Al Qiaeda?

*silence*



scene:[vag and dave talking on msn]
dave: TOUCH ME
vag : eww no. if i had to touch you, that would involve contact, ide need disinfectant to touch you ([they have a history of violence])
dave: hmmm yes, disinfectant. the more lubricant the better