ODE TO PIWI HERMAN

Bob had a little muffin its fleece was white as snow and every where that bob went the muffin came skipping after until it got shot by a 12 boar shot gun in the head by Piwi Herman and then ate him with a spoon and sucked on is tender chocolate pieces. Then John was chased by Jonny in to a large thicket where they found Piwi Herman and the muffin having a small but yummy tea party with cakes and pies and small fish sticks which they ate with vigor. Jonny ate the muffin and then John did not believe him and shot him with a can of beans and then ate his tomato covered chain mail and replaced his fingers (which he snapped off and fed to Piwi Herman with small fish sticks garnished with garlic and hat fritters).

Now the odd thing about that day was that (apart from Jonny not saying "glank") was that there was very few spelling mistakes in my sandwich, only punctuation errors and stupid things happening. You see, dear reader, I was watching the proceedings from a tree as a fish riding a muffin, wearing a hat, smoking a cow and nibbling on a sheep rode by with a small yet smug grin on its face (I say it because at first glance I have trouble telling the difference between a bull and a cow yet I was assured later that it was bull but how Jonny found that small fact out is still a mystery). It told me (as in the royal me king of all things mint) that it was all a dream and that in about 12 and a half zillion seconds and 1 minute. There suddenly came a burst of old king Wenceleslas from the thicket where by now John, Jonny and Piwi Herman were enthralled in a good old game twister and Jonny was now in a compromising position with Piwi Herman. 12 and a half zillion seconds and one minute later I awoke to find the world very odd and quite gay the end and muffins to all.

I would like to dedicate this work to Hermon Von Cheese and myself the guy from the black lagoon.

Richard the squeaky little fish from around the corner. Hasn't it ever occurred to you to get a new kidney Bryan?

Jonny the inspiration.

My friends, family and other forms of bacteria.

And the Amble fish monger that shouts. "Come and get me haddock and troot."

I say to him thanks for all the fish.