There's Always A Reason
Original


It was so strange sharing a bed with him. Sure, it was completely platonic—very innocent. Be even so there was this terrible pounding in Yami’s chest that he couldn’t quite control. Kaelin was sound asleep and lying on his side with his face towards the demon. As awful as he felt for staring at the monk while he slept, the guilt just simply wasn’t enough to make him stop. There was just something about that sleeping face, the way his bangs shifted slightly with each breath that escaped through his slightly parted lips that was just too beautiful to look away from. But they were friends… they were only friends. He shouldn’t…

Yami let out a shaking breath and shifted as carefully as he could onto his back. His eyes strained up at the wooden beams that he could just barely make out in the dark. It was so late and he knew that he should be sleeping. He knew that, and yet it couldn’t. It wasn’t that he wasn’t tired—he was exhausted. He was just too afraid to sleep. He usually had his own bed with his own little area to sleep where terrifying dreams would wake him with a start. It would just be too awkward to awake in tears with someone so close and so sure to hear…

“Yami…?” Kaelin’s sleepy voice called. Yami felt his heart flutter and he slowly turned his head to look at the monk. Bright violet eyes greeted him behind half-closed eyes. “You’re still awake… it’s so late…” The monk almost looked as though he had fallen back a sleep, but he blinked forcefully several times and did his best to focus on the demon lying beside him.

“…I’m not tired,” Yami lied quietly. He swallowed thickly and cleared his throat. Half of him hoped that the elf would simply fall back asleep. However, one gentle hand reached out to clumsily tangle in the hair just over his left temple. The monks touch made his body unexpectedly shiver pleasantly but he did his best not to show it.

“Are you sure…? You should just try to get some sleep…” Kaelin yawned quietly and the gentle fingers stopped caressing the demons long black locks, but they were still slightly twisted within them.

Yami hesitated, “I just… can’t stop thinking. It’s hard to stop… My mind just doesn’t want to stop…”

Kaelin licked his lips absently, eyes closed before they strained to open again. “About what?”

Yami hesitated again. “My mother.” It wasn’t a complete lie. His mother was always in the back of his mind. Kaelin, above anyone else, would understand how much she had meant to him. The day she had died had triggered the madness in him that had ended up claiming countless lives.

“Tell me about her,” Kaelin said gently.

Yami’s heart skipped a beat. Tell him about her…? He had never talked about his mother with anyone… The demon rolled onto his side so that he was facing the monk. He wasn’t displeased at how close they were now. Crimson eyes searched violet eyes for a moment before they shifted to stare at the sheets spanning the distance between them.

“My mother was a beautiful woman…” Yami began. “She was so kind… gentle. She would always find time for me even when she was sick.” He laughed quietly, smiling slightly. Kaelin noted how handsome the demon looked when he did. “We use to watch these bluebirds migrate back to Aurora City every year… up to my exile.” He hesitated, trying to decide what to say next. “Even when she was really ill… she used to send for me so that we could spend time together in her chambers… I use to play the violin for her on those days. She liked that…”

His expression suddenly turned very sad and Kaelin couldn’t help but reach out to gently touch the others face comfortingly. Yami started, blinking widely at him but he slowly smiled and it was a poignant smile. “She was the most wonderful person I ever knew… But then she died because of me.”

“What?” Kaelin jerked himself out of his sleepiness, “No, Yami. That was not your fault,” Kaelin said frowning.

“Of course it was…” The demon sighed quietly, closing his eyes. “I was born with a sister, you know. A twin sister. But she died too.” His sister had been the one offered to the council—to show that the little elf princess had not survived the pregnancy. No one had been suspicious of another child—especially one looking like that of a demon. Her death had probably been the only reason he had not been killed at birth.

“Yami… That couldn’t have possibly been your fault.” How horrible of a thought to think you had killed your own twin…

“I was a murdering even before I left the womb.” Yami laughed, but it was shallow, mirthless.

Irritated, the monk sat up, glaring down at the demon. Yami gave him a surprised stare. “You did not kill your sister.” Kaelin said firmly—a little angrily. “You should stop telling yourself that. It wasn’t your fault. You were a baby… not even born yet. How could you possibly be at fault?”

“Whose fault was it then?” Yami asked. They were both surprised at how deadly of a voice he had used.

Kaelin’s eyes narrowed slightly—but all in all, the blond locks falling so messily around his face could only be described as cute. Kaelin wasn’t any good at looking intimidating. “Everything happens for a reason.” Of course it was something the monk would say.

“Oh?” Yami rose one eyebrow at him and a smug and rather pious smirk stole his lips. “And how do you reckon that?”

“The Goddesses have plans for us all…” Kaelin said softly. Though his voice was gentle his eyes were fierce. It was as though everything he ever believed was behind that stare. However…

“I don’t believe in the Goddesses. You know that.” Yami replied darkly, snorting. He rolled onto his back and glared pointedly up towards the heavens. “How could I believe in something that inflicts suffering upon the world so carelessly?”

“That’s not—“ Kaelin started, face twisting with hurt.

“—true?” Yami finished darkly, “Of course it is. You say there is balance in the world. Balance between the Goddesses of Dark and Light. But where was Love when I lived under the scornful glares of my father who hated me the day he saw these red eyes? Where was my Wisdom the day I was forced into exile with no knowledge of the world beyond those castle walls? Where was my Power each time I had to submit to those people I was forced to call Master? Where were my Goddesses of Light? Suffering is all I have ever known. Chaos is what poisons my mind. Death is what follows me wherever I go.” He finally looked to the monk. He was not surprised that the kindhearted man was fighting tears. Even so, Yami continued, “Where is my Light? Where is my balance? Tell me, monk. Why have the Goddesses of Light abandoned me?”

“They have not…” Kaelin said shakily, fighting back a sob. How it hurt so much to hear how Yami felt the Goddesses of Light had abandoned him—but how much it hurt so more to hear of the helplessness he had endured. “They have not abandoned you…”

Yami shook his head. “You think what you want, monk. It is your duty to be so unquestioning.. I know better. I am not blinded by something so feeble as faith.”

“You were never abandoned, Yami… Never. You just sometimes failed to see when the light was there.” Yami looked hard at the blond, but Kaelin could only smile under that intimidating glare. “Maybe back in those days your life was dark and it may have been so hard to find the light… but you’ve found it now. You’ve found it for a long time now. You’re just not looking in the right direction. You’re still looking back—still looking at those dark days.”

Yami shook his head. What nonsense…

“Love has been with you. Your friends love you, your brother loves you… Your mother loved you.” Yami flinched. Kaelin hesitated a moment before he smiled, “Your daughter loves you. Your Flouresce.” /I love you too./ Kaelin blinked in surprise, flushing a little and almost hopeful he had said it out loud. He realized he had not and he wasn’t sure if he was happy or sad upon that realization. He studied Yami’s tortured face. “As for Wisdom? Yami, you are the smartest man I have ever met. You’re intellectual—you seem to know something about everything. What you don’t know you thirst to find out. And Power… You have more power than most would dream of having. You’ve used it for good more often than not. Your ability to Heal is power beyond what any would dare to dream of. You’ve had light in your life all along… Can’t you see it?”

Yami’s eyes searched somewhere off in the distance for a long time for so long that Kaelin wasn’t even sure if Yami had been listening. However, those crimson eyes slowly found his again. He was honestly speechless.

“I don’t know what to say…” Yami finally admitted.

“Then don’t say anything.” Kaelin whispered, and he was gentle in how he said it. The monk laid back down and then wiggled closer to the demon. Yami looked at him, and was thankful that the night helped hide his blush. “Dream happy dreams, Yami. Think of the happiness you have. Think of that and you will dream beautiful dreams. I promise.”

The demon allowed the elf to pull him against him and even let one of his own hands gently snake around the others waist. It was strange being so close to someone like this… So strange to find this act of affection inviting.

It took him only a few minutes to fall asleep after he closed his eyes. And when he dreamt that night he dreamt dreams that were beautiful. Just as promised.


[Ramirez]

<sub>A/N:Thought up during one of those times when I'm laying in bed half-asleep and too much in character that I end up talking to myself in character. I'm that weird. I only vaguely remember what I had come up for and had to fill in what I don't remember. I know I ended it differently than I had originally thought. I know I forgot some point. Oh well. For one cup of coffee in the morning and an hour of writing it's not so bad.

Goddesses of Light are: Goddess of Love, Goddess of Power and Goddess of Wisdom

Goddesses of Dark are: Goddess of Suffering, Goddess of Death, and Goddess of Chaos.

Yami has yet to understand he is the Child of Dark, and Kaelin doesn't realize he's the Child of Light. They balance each other quite nicely =3</sub>

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