Welcome to

Different

home of random oddities provided by the management (myself)
I'm not sure if you found this place by chance, by fate, or by the machinations of others.
And honestly...I don't care
So, if you see something you like. Take it. Save it. Copy and paste it elsewehere. Use it to your heart's content. The internet is about sharing. So share.
I mean, what can I gonna do about it?



So, enjoy Your Stay

P.S. Content may vary from amusing, to terrible, to educational. It depends on my moodswings. Adapt to the change.

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" The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No. "



























All Metroid players will get this.

q








Who is Jack Shit?

Who is Jack Schitt you ask? The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says " you don't know jack schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O Schitt, the owner of kneedeep N. Schitt, Inc.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt,Giva Schitt,Bull Schitt, and the twins, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' wishes, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.

Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout their childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. Thewedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg,Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son left home to tour the world, and recently returned from Italy with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.

So now when someone says, "you don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcbazH6aE2g
“Slaughter Your World”
Lead Singer: Richard
Excitement abounds, I almost can't wait
Relax, I don't want your baby
I already ate
Though I do tend to generally kill
Kill things that don't fight back
(Heh heh)
I see this village, what does it hold?
What should I butcher them with,
Fire or cold?
Running from me, sure you'd think
He's a pathological, bloodthirsty, homocidal maniac
I'd kill kittens and puppies and bunnies
I'd maim toddlers and teens and then more
You see a wife. I see a widow
But what then? Can't you see?
I'd kill four!
I want to incinerate, and decapitate
I want to melt, melt some faces
Watching the peasants
Oh, what do they called it?
Ah! Grieve!
I suppose that being undead there's not much to life
A soul is needed for loving, feeling
How does this all not make me
Ah, what's that word again?
Heave!
You've nowhere to hide, nowhere to run
Your village will burn like the heart of the sun!
With infinite glee, it's going to be me
That slaughters the world!
How could I glare into these eyes and then not
stab them?
I could I stare at their loss and then not
Laugh?
I'd cut him in half, then I'd graft
His head back onto his shoulders
For after I blub it, I'd make a puppet
On top of a staff!
I am a Lord that is sometimes bored
Have some urges and need to fulfill them
After my mayhem I simply don't
What the word?
Care?
The stench in the air, the smell of the gore
The carnage far greater than any war
My legacy, death becomes me
I'll slaughter the world!

http://tinyurl.com/auyhp
I whole heartedly agree iwth this; rap IS the bastardization of music culture as we know it, and thusly MUSt be destroyed. Stop the false-bravado bullshit they spew. End the whoring pimps and the million dollar sales for criminals marketing to teenagers that actually look up to, and believe in, these false idols of the destruction of true music.




Rhiannes random piccys






How does one describe me? Hmm, a hopeless romantic for one. I'm 5' 11", brown hair, and no life. Well, I kind of have one, but it ain't great.....Anyway, I love anime and manga, video games, television, food, music, drawing, writing, and net diving! (I.E. surfing the web). I like to chat with friends, and hang out. Iroleplay as a kitsune, so don't give me a weird look when I state that I have a tail! More info will follow if you ask for it.

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This is my everynight prayer for your protection Rachael.
'Protect my beloved with a ready sword and sturdy shield. Aid her in times of need, protect her in her darkest hour, and comfort her in times of illness.
Keep her well and keep her strong. May she be waiting for me upon my evening's return, a shining gift in a world of darkness.
By the Gods I pray, Amen.'

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Peanut Butter Jelly! Peanut Butter Jelly! Peanut Butter Jelly! Reminds you of Ark, from www.legendaryfrog.com , doesn't it?

Beware the SUPERBALL! XD

Ever been depantsed in public before?....I have...

KENSHI! Everybody loves Kenshin! Or should DIE!

KITTY! I call him Sqwibbles!

Another Kitty! I named this one Kip!

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You can leave when you get through the door.

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And Now, ME! ^^ And my baby bro, Max. He's the one with da red hair....

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Easeful the forest, easeful its mansions perfected
Where we grow and decay no longer, our trees ever green,
Ripe fruit never falling, streams still and transparent
As glass, as a heart in repose this lasting day.

Beneath these branches the willing surrender of movement,
The business of birdsong, of love, left on the borders
With all of the fevers, the failures of memory.
Easeful the forest, easeful its mansions perfected.

And light upon light, light as dismissal of darkness,
Beneath these branches no shade, for shade is forgotten
In the warmth of the light and the cool smell of the leaves
Where we grow and decay; no longer, our trees ever green.

Here there is quiet, where music turns in upon silence,
Here at the world’s imagined edge, where clarity
Completes the senses, at long last where we behold
Ripe fruit never falling, streams still and transparent.

Where tears are dried from our faces, or settle,
Still as a stream in accomplished countries of peace,
And the traveler opens, permitting the voyage of light
As air, as the heart in repose this lasting day.

Easeful the forest, easeful its mansions perfected
Where we grow and decay no longer, our trees ever green,
Ripe fruit never falling, streams still and transparent
As air, as the heart in repose this lasting day.

And now, for whoever wishes to drool over it...here ya go.





















[4% OF TEENS WILL STAND UP FOR GOD...
REPOST THIS IF YOU'RE ONE OF THE 96% WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN THAT BULLSHIT.]


http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/nanaca






















You are Xeohelios, Demon of Cunning and Manipulaition You are a intelligent being who kills his victims in unique and unusual ways. You often have others do your dirty work for you by manipulating them. You rarely dirty your hands with killing, but have many people killed. And the only times you do this yourself is when you have a personal issue with them. (like envy or hate)


































http://www.dp-comics.net/

Ohhh, doggy piddle. Maybe it's water proof!

ALWAYS REMEMBER!



DOGGY SNIPERS! ^^
THese are some latin thingies I'm putting here. Enjoy much.

Do you realize that your God is false?
Operor vos animadverto ut vestri Deus est reproba?

I dare you to threaten me
EGO praesumo vos eminor mihi

You need guidance
Vos postulo regimen

You old fool
Vos vetus fossor

The Gods are mocking you
Filiolus es inrideo vos

You truly are a hypocrite
Vos verum es a simulator

You are no more than filth
Vos es haud praeter spurcamen

Ironic, is it not?
Irrisorie , est is non?


http://fake.swedma.com/
And a link....
Kenshin gettin' whooped!

And Kenshin kicking ass!

And Kenshin being a Chibi!

People can no longer cover their eyes
If this disturbs you then walk away
You will remember the night you were
struck by the sight of
Ten thousand fists in the air.

And Vegeta Dancing! AND GAARA TOO! AND SAKURA! EEEEEE!


Wow! Lookit those critters gig!


Sex is the inclination
Of your imagination
making a guy stick his locatioin
into a girls destination
to increase the population
of the Next Generation.
was that a good explanation?
Or do you need a demonstration?










http://www.translation-guide.com/free_online_translators.php?from=English&to=Latin
'Protect my beloved with a ready sword and thick shield. Aid her during needful times, protect her during her darkest hour, and comfort her during her sickness. Keep her well and keep her strong. Let her be waiting for me upon my evening's return, the shining light in this dark world. By the Gods I pray, Amen.'

'Servo meus carus praesenti mucro quod creber contego. Suffragium suus per necessarius vicis , servo suus per suus caligo hora , quod levamentum suus per suus morbus. Servo suus puteus quod servo suus validus. Permissum suus exsisto exspecto mihi super meus vesper reverto , rutilus lux lucis huic atrum universitas. Per Filiolus ego precor Amen.

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d26/bwagner_01/thedward.jpg
<img:http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d26/bwagner_01/thhomeworkkills.png
<img:http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d26/bwagner_01/1050979911_m.gif










QUESTIONS FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!!
1.If a pack of gum says that each piece is 10 calories, is that amount just chewing the gum, or also for swallowing it?
2.Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
3.Isn't it weird that all year round your parents tell you not to play with fire, but on Independence Day they hand you a package of explosives, a lighter, and say have fun?
4.Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?
5.How do "do not walk on grass" signs get there?
6.If you made biscuits with chocolate milk instead of regular milk, would they taste chocolaty?
7.Do stairs go up or down
8.Can you make a candle out of your earwax?
9."Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?
10.Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup?
11.Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
12.Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?
13.If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
14.In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?
15.Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?
16.Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?
17.Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?
18.If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?
19.Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars?
20.If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
21.If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?
22.If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops?
23.Why do they put the names of football teams on baseball caps?
24.If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?
25.If you were under house arrest and you lived in a mobile home, wouldn’t you be able to go anywhere you want?
26.If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?
27.Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
28.If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?
29.Just what was the "Baby On Board" sign for? Did it help us decide which car not to hit in case of an accident?
30.Why is it when we laugh in school the teachers say do you find something funny? When obviously we do?
31.Can a metal plate in your head get rusted?
32.Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full?
33.When a car is for sale and it has a balloon on it, does the balloon come with it?
34.Can a person choke and die on a life savor?
35.When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?
36.What would happen if: Everyone was to flush their toilet at the same time?
37.Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?
38.If someone crashes his or her car on purpose, why is it still a car accident?
39.If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
40.When you snap your fingers, does the sound occur when your middle finger releases from your thumb, or when your middle finger hits the palm of your hand?
41.Seeing as cupid is so good at matchmaking, does he have a girlfriend?
42.How come, in the Mini Wheat’s commercials, Sweets has a Brooklyn accent and Wheat’s has an English accent? They're attached at the back, wouldn't they have been raised in the same place?
43.Is it possible to scream at the bottom of your lungs?
44.Since the U.S. says United We Stand, does that offend legless people?
45.Do ducks sneeze?
46.What would happen if you said "hi" to your friend named Jack "Hi Jack"
47.Do fish ever get thirsty?
48.What does the T in T-Shirt really mean?
49.If the energizer bunny attacks someone, is he charged with battery?
50.why are rubber duckies yellow when most real ducks aren't?

Really stupid stuff to do (muahahahah ideas)
Things To Do In An Elavator
1. Make racecar noises when people get on and off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while slapping your forehead and muttering, "Shut up dammit, all of you just SHUT UP!"
4. Whistle the first 7 notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout Cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask, "Got enough air in there?"
9. Offer nametags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper, "Ever had a Wet Willy?"
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral."
14. One word: Flatulence!
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on."
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
20. Burp, then say, "Mmmmm..... tasty!"
21. Meow occasionally.
22. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
23. Frown and mutter, "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say, "oops!"
24. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
25. Sing "Mary had a Little Lamb" while continuously pushing buttons.
26. Holler, "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
27. Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
28. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a hand puppet and talk to the other passengers "through" it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
34. Play the accordion.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say, "Ding!" at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say, "I wonder what all these do?" and then push ALL the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh mouf??"
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
46. Carry a blanket a clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting bigger."
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil fiercely and scream, "BAD TOUCH!!
MORE STUFF~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses
on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone
has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the
prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation marks
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what $ex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through! order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape
of jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend
their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, raumpin riley
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
Deep Thoughts

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like...night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

14. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

15. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

25. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

26. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

27. Life isn't like a box of chocolates.... it's more like a jar of
jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

I live by the Procrastinators Creed:

...I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.

...I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.

...I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

...I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.

...I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.

...I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.

...I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesimally small, is not exactly zero.

...If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.

...I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.

...I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.

...I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.

...I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan.

...I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.

...I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.

Rules of Life

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

2. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I apologize" and "You are right."

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"

7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her -- believe them.

8. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, 'Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?'

9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right >about you.

12. Work is good, but it's not that important.

13. Be really nice to your friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

Follow these rules to maintain your sanity:
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses
on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something,
ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone
has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the
prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation marks
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they
answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend
their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name,
Rock Hard Devon.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won! 3rd time this week!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot,
yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are
going to have to let one of you go."
20. Put this in all of your profiles.

The Squirrel & The Biker
I never dreamed slowly cruising on my motorcycle through a residential
neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous! Little did I suspect.
I was on Brice Street - a very nice neighborhood with perfect lawns and
slow traffic. As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile shot
out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me.
It was a squirrel, and must have been trying to run across the road
when it encountered the car. I really was not going very fast, but
there was no time to brake or avoid it -- it was that close. I hate to
run over animals, and I really hate it on a motorcycle, but a squirrel
should pose no danger to me.
I barely had time to brace for the impact. Animal lovers, never fear.
Squirrels, I discovered, can take care of themselves!
Inches before impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet. He was standing
on his hind legs and facing my oncoming Valkyrie with steadfast resolve
in his beady little eyes.
His mouth opened, and at the last possible second, he screamed and
leapt!
I am pretty sure the scream was squirrel for, "Bonzai!" or maybe, "Die
you gravy-sucking, heathen scum!" The leap was nothing short of
spectacular...
He shot straight up, flew over my windshield, and impacted me squarely
in the chest. Instantly, he set upon me. If I did not know better, I
would have sworn he brought 20 of his little buddies along for the
attack.
Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of
activity. As I was dressed only in a light T-shirt, summer riding
gloves, and jeans this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry
little tornado was doing some damage!
Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dr essed in
jeans, a T-shirt, and leather gloves, puttering at maybe 25 mph down a
quiet residential street, and in the fight of his life with a squirrel.
And losing...
I grabbed for him with my left hand. After a few misses, I finally
managed to snag his tail. With all my strength, I flung the evil rodent
off to the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I
recoiled from the throw. That should have done it. The matter should
have ended right there.
It really should have. The squirrel could have sailed into one of the
pristinely kept yards and gone on about his business, and I could have
headed home. No one would have been the wiser. But this was no ordinary
squirrel. This was not even an ordinary angry squirrel. This was an
EVIL MUTANT ATTACK SQUIRREL OF DEATH!
Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands and,
with the force of the throw, swung around and with a resounding thump
and an amazing impact, he landed squarely on my BACK and resumed his
rather antisocial and extremely distracting activities. He also managed
to take my left glove with him! The situation was not improved. Not
improved at all.
His attacks were continuing, and now I could not reach him. I was
startled, to say the least. The combination of the force of the throw,
only having one hand (the throttle hand) on the handlebars, and my
jerking back unfortunately put a healthy twist through my right hand
and into the throttle. A healthy twist on the throttle of a Valkyrie
can only have one result. Torque.
This is what the Valkyrie is made for, and she is very, very good at it.
The engine roared and the front wheel left the pavement.
The squirrel screamed in anger.
The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy.
I screamed in .. well .. I just plain screamed.
Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in
jeans, a slightly squirrel-torn t-shirt! , wearing only one leather
glove, and roaring at maybe 50 mph and rapi dly accelerating down a
quiet residential street on one wheel, with a demonic squirrel of death
on his back.
The man and the squirrel are both screaming bloody murder.
With the sudden acceleration I was forced to put my other hand back on
the handlebars and try to get control of the bike.
This was leaving the mutant squirrel to his own devices, but I really
did not want to crash into somebody's tree, house, or parked car. Also,
I had not yet figured out how to release the throttle... my brain was
just simply overloaded. I did manage to mash the back brake, but it had
little effect against the massive power of the big cruiser.
About this time the squirrel decided that I was not paying sufficient
attention to this very serious battle (maybe he was an evil mutant NAZI
attack squirrel of death), and he came around my neck and got INSIDE my
full-face helmet with me.
As the faceplate closed part way, he began hissing in my face. I am
quite sure my screaming changed intensity. It had little effect on the
squirrel, however. The RPMs on the Dragon maxed out (since I was not
bothering with shifting at the moment), so her front end started to
drop.
Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in
jeans, a very raggedly torn T-shirt, wearing only one leather glove,
roaring at probably 80 mph, still on one wheel, with a large puffy
squirrel's tail sticking out of the mostly closed full-face helmet. By
now the screams are probably getting a little hoarse.
Finally I got the upper hand . I managed to grab his tail again,
pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I
could. This time it worked ... sort-of.
Spectacularly sort-of ...so to speak.
Picture a new scene. You are a cop. You and your partner have pulled
off on a quiet residential street and parked with your windows down to
do some paperwork. Suddenly a large man on a huge black and chrome !
cruiser, dressed in jeans, a torn T-shirt flapping in the breeze, and
wearing only one leather glove, moving at probably 80 mph on one wheel,
and screaming bloody murder roars by, and with all his strength throws
a live squirrel grenade
directly into your police car.
I heard screams.
They weren't mine...
I managed to get the big motorcycle under control and dropped the front
wheel to the ground. I then used maximum braking and skidded to a stop
in a cloud of tire smoke at the stop sign of a busy cross street. I
would have returned to 'fess up (and to get my glove back). I really
would have. Really... Except for two things.
First, the cops did not seem interested or the slightest bit concerned
about me at the moment. When I looked back, the doors on both sides of
the patrol car were flung wide open. The cop from the passenger side
was on his back, doing a crab walk into somebody's front yard, quickly
moving away from the car. The cop who had been in the driver's seat was
standing in the street,
aiming a riot shotgun at his own police car.
So, the cops were not interested in me. They often insist to "let the
professionals handle it" anyway.
That was one thing. The other?
Well, I could clearly see shredded and flying pieces of foam and
upholstery from the back seat. But I could also swear I saw the
squirrel in the back window, shaking his little fist at me. That is one
dangerous squirrel. And now he has a patrol car. A somewhat shredded
patrol car ... but it was all his.
I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made a gentle right
turn off of Brice Street, and sedately left the neighborhood. I decided
it was best to just buy myself a new pair of gloves. And a whole lot of
Band-Aids.

Rules For A Gunfight

Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your friends who have guns.

Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap-life is expensive.

Only hits count. The only thing worse then a miss is a slow miss.

If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough or using cover correctly.

Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and Diagonal movement are preferred.)

If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a long gun and a friend with a long gun.

In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.

If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running.

Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be dependent on "pucker factor" then the inherent accuracy of the gun.

Use a gun that works EVERY TIME. "All skill is in vain when an Angel blows the powder from the flintlock of your musket."

Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.

Always cheat, always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.

Have a plan.

Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.

Use cover or concealment as much as possible.

Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.

Don't drop your guard.

Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees.

Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them.)

Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.

The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get.

Be polite.

Be professional.

But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.

Your number one option for personal security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.

Do not attend a gun fight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with anything smaller then "4".

You can't miss fast enough to win.

---

18 Ninjutsu Skills (Ninja Juhakkei)

The eighteen disciplines were first stated in the scrolls of Togakure-ryū, and they became definitive for all Ninjutsu schools, providing a complete training of the warrior in various fighting arts and complementary disciplines.

However, Ninja Juhakkei was often studied along with Bugei Juhappan (the 18 Samurai fighting art skills). Though some of them are the same, the techniques of each discipline were used with different approaches by both Samurai and Ninja.

The 18 disciplines are:

  1. Seishin-teki kyōyō (spiritual refinement)
  2. Taijutsu (unarmed combat)
  3. Kyudo (archery)
  4. Ninja ken (sword fighting)
  5. Bōjutsu (stick and staff fighting)
  6. Shurikenjutsu (throwing blades)
  7. Sōjutsu (spear fighting)
  8. Naginatajutsu (naginata fighting)
  9. Kusarigamajutsu (chain weapons)
 10. Kayakujutsu (fire and explosives)
 11. Hensōjutsu (disguise and impersonation)
 12. Shinobi-iri (Stealth and Infiltration methods)
 13. Bajutsu (Horsemanship)
 14. Sui-ren (Training in Water)
 15. Bōryaku (Military Strategy)
 16. Chōhō (Espionage)
 17. Intonjutsu (Escaping and Concealment)
 18. Tenmon (Meteorology)
 19. Chi-mon (Geography)