[Fun things do during an exam!]

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

[2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"]

3. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the teacher's left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

[6. Bring cheerleaders.]

7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

[8. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.]

9. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

10. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

11. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

12. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

[13. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.]

14. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

15. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

16. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

[17. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it!]

18. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.

19. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

[some one please try one of these things and e-mail me the result]

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[How to Relieve Boredom!]

When at work, jump on to your desk, shout "ARRIBA!" and proceed to belly dance to a tape of 'Livin La Vida Loca'

Walk up to random people in the street and shyly ask in a baby like voice "will *you* be my fwend?"

Have hundreds of leaflets printed reading 'Yung go Ping's Chinese takeaway' now in association with the R.S.P.C.A.' Go ahead and leaflet your area

Go to the Bingo, when you win, jump up and shout " HA!, I conquer you elderlies!"

Go to the supermarket, pick up a courgette, hold it to your ear then say, "what?!, you don't want me to eat you?, well...ok then" put it down and move on.

Later, re-enact the Chariot scene in Ben Hur with your trolley.

While on the bus, eat a whole lettuce as if it were an apple.

Make a list of ways to relieve boredom.

When crossing the road, run across in exaggerated slow motion whilst humming 'Chariots of fire'. When you reach the other side, slow mo celebrate. Get emotional.

[When talking to someone, look over their shoulder and suddenly freeze, look terrified as you say "Don't. Move." start to back away. say " I'll get help" and run off.]

Put your head in a candy floss machine...see what happens.

Go to the Train station and stay on the platform, as a train is leaving, grab a passengers hand through an open window and run along the side of the train, all the while telling them how much you're going to miss them and will never forget them. Done in the style of 'Brief Encounter'.

Cello tape your mouth shut, communicate with Morse code via blinking.

Wear a sheet as a toga, proclaim yourself to be 'Farticus' and pass wind every time you speak your name.

Superglue a chess set to your ceiling, Like my friend Riad did!

Befriend trees.

Go around saying, "I'm sane, I swear."

Have a hotdog eating contest with yourself.

[Memorize the lyrics to theme songs. E.g. pokemon, cardcaptors.]

[Stare at a spot in the ceiling and see how many other people you can get to do it.]

[Pull the skin on your elbow and scream, "My Weinus Is So Big!"]

Watch a black and white movie, mute it, and make up your own dialogue for it.

Take the powder from Fun Dip, throw it at people and say, "Evil begone!"

After every sentence say, "Over" and make that static noise that walkie-talkies make.

Start every sentence with, "Momma always said"

Put tape over your nose and talk like Michael Jackson.

Pick up the coins in the fountain in the mall and scream, "I'm rich!"

Tell people they have dead spiders following them.

[the ones in pink i've done]

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[Follow these rules to maintain your sanity]

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

[4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"]

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

[6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".]

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation marks

[9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.]

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

[14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.]

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Devon.

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

20. Put this in all of your profiles.

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[Supermarket Fun]


1.Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2.[Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.]

3.Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4.Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.

5.Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

6.[Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.]

7.Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8.Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9.When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

10.[Tell an employee in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.]

11.Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".

12.Play with the automatic doors.

13.Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along.

14.Walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"

15.Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16.Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."

17.Follow people through the aisles, staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

18.[Play soccer with a group of friend, using the entire store as your playing field.]

19.As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

20.Put M&M's on layaway.

21.[Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.]

22.Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows.

23.Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

24.Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25.Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

26.[Toilet paper as much of the store as possible.]

27.Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28.[Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.]

29.When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30.When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

31.[Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.]

32.Take bets on the battle described above.

33.Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

34.Hold indoor shopping cart races.

35.Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission: Impossible."

36.[Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.]

37.Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

38.[Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"]

39.Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

40.[Two words: "Marco Polo."]

41.Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

42."Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.

43.When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

44.[Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.]

45.During announcements over the PA, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

46.Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

47.[Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.]

48.If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

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Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bit**."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bit**?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bit**."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BIT**!!!"
[Repost if you laughed]

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People who have sons know stuff like…
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Some Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 3-year old Boy.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's don’t eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine doesn’t make worms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

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May the lord cum onto thee... (snicker snicker)...



Confucious says...

Man with hand in pocket feel cockey all day

Man who stands on toilett is high on pot

Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs.

Baseball all wrong -- man with four balls cannot walk.

Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who lay woman on ground gets piece on earth.