Grah. Apparently "late January" is Jan. 30th, because that's how long it took UGA to send me the letter regarding my scholarship application. I would've appreciated a little earlier notice, considering I had my application materials in early too. But apparently I am not good enough for that scholarship anyways, because they rejected me. I'll just have to find others, but I don't exactly know where to look; all the other sites have FAFSA written all over them (American federal assistance program, for you non-Americans). I can't fill out that application yet, so it's all on hold, but it can't really afford to be on hold because it's mostly first-come first-serve. I had really expected to at least be a finalist for the scholarship, though. Rather disappointed, and now I don't exactly know what to do with myself. My dad says I should've taken Columbus State up on their honors scholarship, but it's a little late for that now, which is why I wished I had received notice earlier. I don't want to go to CSU anyways, but try telling that to my dad. He just worried about how much it'll all cost him, which is understandable
On the bright side, this means I'll be able to attend the Mock Trial Competition in February. But I really would've preferred to be a finalist. Apparently I'm just letting everyone down, and I feel quite worthless at the moment. Ever feel like you're just a financial burden? Well, his name's Caleb, and he eats through money like it were dessert, or so I hear :(
Sometimes you just know something's gonna happen, and so you prepare for it, but it happens anyways and still catches you completely off-guard. I knew that listening to my music so much would eventually desensitize me to it, so I'd hardly hear it, and I worried about it, but just yesterday I realized it had already happened. Somehow music had just become a game of identifying the track as fast as possible, and remembering what it was about. Songs I knew well I skipped, and listening to music became pretty worthless.
Luckily for me, I realized this had happened yesterday, and was able to enjoy my music again. That part had worried me. Once I grew used to something, would I ever be able to go back? Apparently yes. So just a reminder to everyone. Make sure you don't twist something that's really important to you into something it's not. Things grow old, but if you keep in mind what it's really about, it will seem like new. I think. I still haven't exactly figured this out o.o
Reading Terry Goodkind is like willingly entering a mental carwreck o.O
Somehow, in every book, he takes a very pleasant situation, turns it into a living nightmare for all characters, then fixes it all up again just like new, and then better. Wonderful series, though I've only read the first four books in the Sword of Truth series. This one has been the most twisting so far o.O It's very enjoyable to read, but unless I finish the book, it tends to leave me in a suspended state of tension. I think that if I ever start the fifth, it'll have to be in the summer when I don't have to stop reading to go to school :P
Speaking of this state of tension, it's very interesting. Richard in the series operates as the Seeker of Truth by harnessing his rage, which takes a righteous form, for the most part. For the past few days I've been smoldering myself. Some thing or another irritated me, and set off a little ember, as far as I can tell. I wasn't mad at a particular thing, exactly, but more at a lot of things, and it didn't really matter what. Now, from a moralist point of view, which I tended to hold previously, that would be very worrying. Anger in any form is bound to cause trouble. Best to leave things to a clear mind.
But when I was continually angry, I operated much more efficiently, with more purpose, and I possessed a stronger conviction in everything, even things completely unrelated to any source of anger. I think at one point I decided I was just upset that there was anything wrong at all in the world. I was thinking that people shouldn't have to be working so hard to do some chore or something. In any case, finishing the book resolved the irritant, and I'm back to clear-headed calmness. A bit of relief, like finally sitting down after a long bit of work. But I find that I was never not cool-headed when I was irritated either. It was just a different state of thinking, and probably a more profitable one, considering my lack of motivation when I'm this analytical. But things had a more desperate tinge to them then, as well.
I have to wonder how many other states of mind there are that I haven't experienced. Perhaps love will be another like this, where everything just seems fuzzy, but I'll retain my clear-headedne
Before I forget yet again:
iippo, you should read Slaughterhouse Five, by Kurt Vonnegut, if you haven't already. There are just too many things in there I read that I thought, "iippo would say something like that!" :D
Wow, I guess thin clouds make rendering very quick, because it finished the large picture in under an hour. Link, if you're interested: http://www.dev
I think it's a nifty picture :)
I'm currently working on my first quality Terragen Tech Preview image. It's going to be rendered at full quality and all, and I'll be submitting it to dA. I'm really only making this diary entry cause it's really boring waiting for preview renders to load to make sure everything is nice and ready before I hit the key to lock up the computer for a few days :P
I'll tell you, it's really annoying to add a moon to the scene and still get the lighting you want. Sometimes I wish I were a real artist and could just paint the silly picture how I wanted, instead of telling a computer what I mean :D In any case, it's turning out well and I'll have it ready to go as soon as I can make a computer understand "softer clouds" and all that. And maybe some stars. It's getting late, though, and I need to be up by eight tomorrow, so I may put off the stars until tomorrow, which would mean a delay to the render. But I'll have it up in no time :)
Edit: Stars proved to have a bug (strange red dot unrelated to anything but the light source being there), so I'll forego those. The render has been started, after I've been satisfied with everything else. Can't wait to see the result tomorrow morning.
Saw another anti-homophobi
Oh, and it doesn't surprise me at all that Deus is the Princess of Jerusalem. It's just like him. (Mood reference, for when he changes it).
Merry Christmas, everyone!
Prolly ought to stick this in my mood if anywhere, but oh well.
"Putting clothes on backwards is a feat not many can accomplish while drunk"
after many translations through numerous languages, becomes:
"It puts provided that the place and the different method which puts, give fire and is to us this one pj' nej, a possibility so that acquires with a cttj and and great past of the number"
Working on a Terragen piece, but some of it seems kind of off. I'm hoping to make it much larger, but as for now, I'd appreciate any critiques: http://www.dev
Terragen 2 Tech Preview is to be released in approximately three weeks, on December 15!
http://www.pla
Sometimes people feel like they're entitled, so to speak, to be a bit rash, such as when they're going through a particularly difficult time. The obvious extra stress seems to make it reasonable and expectable that you'd explode. Everyone else around you knows that you're stressed out by external factors and is more agreeable to you, even when you sort of explode.
I think that the understanding and expecting aspect of this is the main cause, not the stress. People feel like they're allowed to explode sometimes, so they don't bother not exploding, even if, stress taken into account, they normally wouldn't explode at the time.
Case in point: my dad's temper is awfully short, and I think it's because he thinks that's alright, not because he's irritated more than usual -.-
[Mekashef] could've helped write Good Omens without any loss of quality. If he ever becomes an author and publishes anything, I want to read it :)
http://www.dev
I love the title the most, though.
*cries* Elftown refused my password. I can't freaking log into Elftown with Qwerty anymore, because it's too common. That was my favorite password. Elftown should mind its own business and let people who want simple passwords get hacked -.-
Message to all: Elftown might loose its network for some minutes today. It will be back quickly hopefully...
And after the network is loosed upon the world, there is no telling what can stop it :D
How the heck could I really be born in a family as self centered as mine? I won't say anything about my siblings, I think they're turning out fairly well for the most part, but my parents do nothing but complain about everything. They take personal offense at the slightest thing, even if it was unintentional, and feel as if they were gods themselves. Of course they could never be wrong, and they always know how to do everything better. My goodness, to hear them talk about how incompetent their doctors are, you would think they ought to be the doctors themselves! How about a little respect for people?
Pfft, and I think that if my dad wants more help around the house, he could be a little less sarcastic towards us when we aren't bowing to his every whim -.-
Ugh, sorry to random watchers, I just really wanted to type something out about it >.<
x.x
I can't tell if this was just an accident, and intentional copy, or too much Robert Jordan at work in his subconcious:
(a map, drawn and supposedly invented by a given person)
http://storage
(and a map of the world in the Wheel of Time series)
http://en.wiki