This night marks an ending of a love story.
I am now single. Only this time, I left him, after a long, rambling conversation. We're now friends, and will be nothing more from hereon. I expect I shall miss the kissing and cuddling, but the truth is, as I couldn't stand a great part of his personality and he wasn't willing to change, this is for the better.
Anyone who doubted this second try is free to say 'I told you so'. I won't be offended. :P
And when I'm over the initial melancholy that surely will drop by, I shall enjoy my singledom.
I... am in love. With this piece. Admire it. With a passion. Utterly, completely in love.
http://www.you
Take a look at this. Pretty darn awesome.
http://www.you
Onions, plz?
Look down at
fragile shaking hands
a stream of tears
on the muted tones of earth
Here, silence reigns
with an iron will
and a court made of glass
shatters -- yet persists
as the night screams
for dawn
Just watched The Sixth Sense. It's been long enough since I last saw it that the end came totally by surprise. Now I am bothered. xD As someone on the IMDB forums asked: Did Cole know? I would view the thread, but can't remember have I actually registered and if so, with what ID and password... and I can't be arsed to re-register. :P
Won't bug you with any more diaries after this today, promise.
I hope I'm not going back the way of depression. I'm feeling bad about this relationship thing, for not knowing what it is that I actually want. The stagnation in other parts of my life is not helping. I need change, and soon. I'm not yet ready for anything as radical as moving to another country, or even another city, though it might actually be good for me even now. There must be something I can do right now. I just don't know what.
My boyfriend is an idiot.
I'm having doubts, more and more, about this relationship. I'm thinking of my future, and I'm not sure if I even want him around as anything more than a good friend. Back when we first dated, before he broke up with me and broke my heart, I used to think he was The One. But on this try number two... I'm not so sure anymore. I love him, I really do, and it feels so good just to cuddle him, but at the same time, we're really just wrong for each other. He hurts me, I hurt him. We're so different. Perhaps there is a future for us, but what will it be like? Maybe it's time to end this story. I don't know.
I think I'll just stick around for a while more and see where we go. Having these thoughts is just so painful. I am so confused.
WTF is up with dA? It lost my author tag, and now it won't display the one I'm trying to upload! Gah! Crappy thing.
Goals for the rest of the year:
· writing lots of good stuff (also participating in and finishing Nanowrimo)
· taking a bunch of fabulous pictures
· losing weight by way of exercise and healthy diet (things I should do anyways even without the weight-losing factor)
· reading many of the books on my reading list and thus becoming more civilised
· starting to read newspapers, also to the point of becoming more civilised
· selling handmade stuff, as well as old things I don't want or need anymore, to get money
· saving said money for vacations, tattoos, and the like
· getting to school or to a better job
· beginning the process of learning Dutch in earnest so that I can maybe one day move to the Netherlands
· organising my room once and for all, and keeping it that way
So, yeah. I've got an abundance of things to do. Better start soon... *checks up on education offered this autumn*
My family is helping out my cousin by taking care of her four kids for a weekend about once a month. She suffers from ADHD, as well as two of the kids, and she's an alone mother, so she can really use the help. This is the second time they're here, and I've made a discovery.
They actually listen to me.
A command, sometimes even a look, and for a while, they're nice. Of course, the youngest ones being 5 and 3 they need to be reminded after a while, but still! It is most confusing... and cool. :P
And my mom told me my tummy has grown. Oops... Exercise, exercise! Once I get this cold out of the way. <_<
Back home. I would have gladly stayed longer, but it's actually kind of nice to be here. I prefer this apartment to airports and trains... :P
Account of the trip and pictures will be available later, now I'm just going to zone out a bit and take a breath or two. In the meantime, I hope I wasn't too much of a bother to either [Teufelsweib] or [Sunrose] (or Vorkje's family, for that matter) who were both gracious enough to show me around and pay for stuff. :3 Thank you for that, by the way!
The most ironic thing about coming back is that I whined about the keyboards all the time. Now, my own is confusing me. And the screen resolution is huge-
So. I'm leaving in a bit to spend the night at Jukka's, and he'll drive me to the airport in the morning. I'm going to Dutchieland and, from there, hopefully to Wales before coming back home.
Whether or not I get on ET or generally online anywhere is up to Vorkje :P But. I shall have fun and see you all again in a week or so perhaps. Byebyes! :3
I really think someone should draw me as Lamia.
http://en.wiki
I just got mail from the only university I thought I'd have a chance of entering. No such luck. No uni for me this year either. I feel like crap. I really wanted to get in.
Just finished the miniseries *points to the entry below*
It was just as brilliant as I thought it would be-- nay, even more so! Absolutely bloody lovely. And well done. I really enjoyed it, particularly as many of the scenes with Darcy and Elizabeth gave me tingles, like the ones you get with a crush. I'm so giddy when a movie or series does that for me. ^___^ Ahhh, I just love it. <3<3<3
After another trip downtown with mom, I have:
· DVD of BBC's "Pride and Prejudice" (for only 10€!!!! <3<3<3<3<3) I've never seen it before *shames* but I'm convinced it's brilliant. I wanted to get a 'Persuasion' DVD, but couldn't find one ;_; I have a minor obsession with teh Austen currently, especially Persuasion.
· the aforementioned novel, Persuasion, complete and unabridged (Penguin Popular Classics, 3,90€)
· black skirt with an ornate belt (stitched roses) of the same material. shin-length, lovely soft fabric. 6,50€, from a second hand store.
· brown shirt with a nice "pooling" collar and 3/4 sleeves, 4€.
· green top with leopard print, can't remember the price as I wore it right after I bought it - the one I'd had on was too loose.
· green skirt, surprisingly light, with side pockets and a zipper in the back that goes all the way to the hem. originally found it for my mom, but we are apparently going to share. 8€.
In short, I am a fairly happy camper, on the material side at least. On another note: ow. My feet really feel the heels of those new shoes. I did a lot of walking today. And my headache, present since yesterday evening, perseveres. <_< Bleh. :P
Oh well, I have Austen goodness. ^_^
Last entry for a while, I promise. Mainly because it's only to let anyone who might care know that I'll be with my family at my grandpa's and return sometime on Tuesday. There's no computer, not to mention Internet connection, so I won't be available for these couple of days.
Don't miss me too much (as if) and play nice.
I don't really know why, but I started a wiki for blood donors. I guess it spawned from the badge I made, wanting to show that I am one. Well, I hope it becomes something other than just another dead wiki.
save a life. donate blood.
Stolen from le Squee.
Are you more man, or woman?
1.[X] You love hoodies
2.[ ] Dogs are better than cats
3.[ ] It's hilarious when people get hurt
4.[X] You've played with/against boys on a team
5.[X] Shopping is torture (depends, though. but it definitely can be.)
6.[X] Sad movies suck
7.[ ] You own an xbox 360
8.[ ] You wanted/played with Hotwheel cars as a kid
9.[ ] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter
10.[ ] You own a DS, PS2 or Sega
11.[ ] You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers
12.[ ] You watch sports on TV
13.[ ] Gory movies are cool
14.[ ] You only go to your dad for advice
15.[ ] You own like a trillion baseball caps
16.[ ] You like going to football games
17.[ ] You used to/do collect football cards
18.[ ] It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people
19.[X] Green, black, red, blue or silver are one of your favorite colours
20.[X] You love to go crazy and not care what people think
21.[ ] Sports are fun too
22.[X] Have talked with food in your mouth
23.[ ] Wear Boxers to bed
24.[ ] Or your socks on at night
total: 7
Multiply the total by 7
Score: 42% boy :P
GIRL PART
1.[ ] You wear lip gloss
2.[ ] You wear eyeliner
3.[ ] You have some of the same shirts in different colours
4.[X] You wear the colour pink/ have worn the colour pink (not in years but it has happened)
5.[X] Go to a female for advice
6.[ ] You KNOW cheerleading's a sport and you argue about it
7.[ ] You hate wearing the colour black
8.[ ] You like shopping
9.[X] You like wearing jewelry (but only some)
10.[X] Skirts are a part of your wardrobe
11.[ ] You don't like the movie Star Wars
12.[ ] It takes you around 1 hour (or more) to shower, get dressed and put on make-up and accessories
13.[ ] You smile a lot more than you should
14.[ ]You have more than 10 pairs of shoes/sneakers
15.[X] You care about what you look like
16.[X] You like wearing dresses when you can
17.[X] You love, LOVE movies
18.[X] Used to play with dolls as a little kid
19.[ ] Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy of it
20.[X] Like taking pictures when you're bored
total= 9
multiply by 7
score: 63% girl (Dumdeeedum.)