Okay, yeah, sorry for being such a fucking useless loser. Bet you'd be glad if I just slit my wrists.
</emo>
Please ignore. Just got snapped at by dad for no real reason.
If you ever want to make me cry, just play Evanescence's song Hello. Works every time. Even if I'm not sad about anything, tears will simply start pouring. And no, it has nothing to do with how good or bad you think the song is. It's just... I can't explain it. Hits a chord somewhere deep inside.
OW. There are dry patches above and below my eyes and putting lotion on BURNS.
That was all. As you were.
Woe is me ;_;
At the end of next year, when D&D 4E starts taking over, the Living Greyhawk campaign will be put down and replaced with Living Forgotten Realms. I could have swallowed my LG characters being retired and made new ones according to 4E, but this? This sucks monkey balls.
I want blood.
I have 9078 unread postings in Junk.
When I started reading this morning, there were 10500 and then some. No, I have not skipped any. I've been doing some speed-reading, but not once did I click the skip button. How did it get to this? By lagging behind since before mid-June due to real life stuff. xP
This will take me a couple of days <_<
On another note, we'll be at grandpa's tomorrow, so no ET (or other netness) for me until the evening. Wah.
Ode to apathy
Sit still
in this dusty room
listening as the old clock
goes...
tick, tick, tick
and watching yet
another hour pass
Outside, the sky
darkens by the minute
Shapes become indistinct.
The nightly concert of
a thousand little birds
is playing to deaf ears
inside the head there is
only static, a white noise
so very... silent.
Tired eyes close
for just a second
before the dawn breaks
and the cruel light explodes
with a shrill sound
Another day has begun.
Falling back
and hiding from the sun
hold everything at bay and...
sleep some more.
I had a date yesterday.
Laura set me up with another friend of hers, since she had promised him to find him a blind date, and since I am now single, she decided I'd be the girl. And it is very hard for me to say no to her, so... on a date we went. xD
It was pretty nice. We're both quite shy, so there were a couple of long silences, and the evening didn't end with a kiss or even a hug (though he is kinda huggable), but that's not so important anyway. We went to see Die Hard 4.0, hit the Chinese restaurant near the theatre, and then just walked around in downtown, chatting about this and that. So at least I enjoy his company, and he did say he had a nice time as well.
I wouldn't mind going again, though I won't be particularly disappointed if we don't - it's up to him, really. If he likes me well enough to ask me out again, cool. But I'm out for fun. I could do with a little break, since for years now I've been either in a relationship or hopelessly infatuated. I'd like to enjoy my freedom for a while. ;3
But we'll see.
In other news, I have a new contest. Please take a look! → Tree Contest
I met this really cute guy while gaming today.
I don't know anything about him, I didn't ask for his contact information afterwards though I kind of wanted to, and my only hope of ever seeing him again is in another game. I even managed to forget his last name because it was so unusual. His first name is Eetu, though.
Uhumm. Yeah. I realise this was completely pointless, and that he might have a girlfriend, even that he might in fact be jailbait - but he was cute! xP
This night marks an ending of a love story.
I am now single. Only this time, I left him, after a long, rambling conversation. We're now friends, and will be nothing more from hereon. I expect I shall miss the kissing and cuddling, but the truth is, as I couldn't stand a great part of his personality and he wasn't willing to change, this is for the better.
Anyone who doubted this second try is free to say 'I told you so'. I won't be offended. :P
And when I'm over the initial melancholy that surely will drop by, I shall enjoy my singledom.
I... am in love. With this piece. Admire it. With a passion. Utterly, completely in love.
http://www.you
Take a look at this. Pretty darn awesome.
http://www.you
Onions, plz?
Look down at
fragile shaking hands
a stream of tears
on the muted tones of earth
Here, silence reigns
with an iron will
and a court made of glass
shatters -- yet persists
as the night screams
for dawn
Just watched The Sixth Sense. It's been long enough since I last saw it that the end came totally by surprise. Now I am bothered. xD As someone on the IMDB forums asked: Did Cole know? I would view the thread, but can't remember have I actually registered and if so, with what ID and password... and I can't be arsed to re-register. :P
Won't bug you with any more diaries after this today, promise.
I hope I'm not going back the way of depression. I'm feeling bad about this relationship thing, for not knowing what it is that I actually want. The stagnation in other parts of my life is not helping. I need change, and soon. I'm not yet ready for anything as radical as moving to another country, or even another city, though it might actually be good for me even now. There must be something I can do right now. I just don't know what.
My boyfriend is an idiot.
I'm having doubts, more and more, about this relationship. I'm thinking of my future, and I'm not sure if I even want him around as anything more than a good friend. Back when we first dated, before he broke up with me and broke my heart, I used to think he was The One. But on this try number two... I'm not so sure anymore. I love him, I really do, and it feels so good just to cuddle him, but at the same time, we're really just wrong for each other. He hurts me, I hurt him. We're so different. Perhaps there is a future for us, but what will it be like? Maybe it's time to end this story. I don't know.
I think I'll just stick around for a while more and see where we go. Having these thoughts is just so painful. I am so confused.
WTF is up with dA? It lost my author tag, and now it won't display the one I'm trying to upload! Gah! Crappy thing.
Goals for the rest of the year:
· writing lots of good stuff (also participating in and finishing Nanowrimo)
· taking a bunch of fabulous pictures
· losing weight by way of exercise and healthy diet (things I should do anyways even without the weight-losing factor)
· reading many of the books on my reading list and thus becoming more civilised
· starting to read newspapers, also to the point of becoming more civilised
· selling handmade stuff, as well as old things I don't want or need anymore, to get money
· saving said money for vacations, tattoos, and the like
· getting to school or to a better job
· beginning the process of learning Dutch in earnest so that I can maybe one day move to the Netherlands
· organising my room once and for all, and keeping it that way
So, yeah. I've got an abundance of things to do. Better start soon... *checks up on education offered this autumn*
My family is helping out my cousin by taking care of her four kids for a weekend about once a month. She suffers from ADHD, as well as two of the kids, and she's an alone mother, so she can really use the help. This is the second time they're here, and I've made a discovery.
They actually listen to me.
A command, sometimes even a look, and for a while, they're nice. Of course, the youngest ones being 5 and 3 they need to be reminded after a while, but still! It is most confusing... and cool. :P
And my mom told me my tummy has grown. Oops... Exercise, exercise! Once I get this cold out of the way. <_<
Back home. I would have gladly stayed longer, but it's actually kind of nice to be here. I prefer this apartment to airports and trains... :P
Account of the trip and pictures will be available later, now I'm just going to zone out a bit and take a breath or two. In the meantime, I hope I wasn't too much of a bother to either [Teufelsweib] or [Sunrose] (or Vorkje's family, for that matter) who were both gracious enough to show me around and pay for stuff. :3 Thank you for that, by the way!
The most ironic thing about coming back is that I whined about the keyboards all the time. Now, my own is confusing me. And the screen resolution is huge-