I am Sam
Sam I Am

Screw that...

Hi, my name is Sam and I live in Montana

This is an awesome sight, go here, it calls to you...Seriously, goooooooooooo NOW!
http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=KarVann

Favorites:
Color: Black
Animal: My Beagle
Author: R.A. Salvatore
Books: The Legacy of the Drow (Salvatore)
Movies: Gladiator, Lord of the Rings, Equilibrium
Bands: U2, YellowCard, Linkin Park, Weezer (Awesome!), My Chemical Romance, Beck

Hates:
1. School
2. Faggots at school
3. Country Music
4. Led Zeppelin
5. Matman, the funny little bastard

10 questions. Pick a band/singer and answer only using that band/singer's song titles.
Chosen band/singer: U2

1. Are you a male or a female: Stories for Boys
2. Describe yourself: Stranger in a Strange Land
3. How do some people feel about you: Is That All?
4. How do you feel about yourself: Some Days are Better than Others
5. Describe your family: Until the End of the World
6. Where would you rather be: Where the Streets Have No Name (Heaven)
7. Describe what you want to be: I Still Haven't Found what I'm Looking For
8. Describe how you live: Last Night on Earth
9. Describe how you love: Love is Blindness
10. Describe what you hate: October




~A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual., "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"


THINGS GUYS WANT GIRLS TO KNOW



1. We're not as perverted as you think we all are.
2. No matter what YOU say, your ex-boyfriend IS a LOSER.
3. We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.
4. Don't argue with us when we call you beautiful.
5. Don't treat us like crap, what goes around comes around. Well, actually, we can take it.
6. We know you're pretty, that's one of the reason's we're going out with you.
7. Don't go into detail about your period. It scares us.
8. If you have cramps and we ask you what's wrong, just tell us it's that time of the month and nothing more.
9. If you really liked us for us, you would let us think that our mustache, beard, or sideburns looked cool.
10. We never shave our legs. So get over it.
11. NEVER ask us if you can put makeup on us. It's just wrong............
12. Don't make bets about us, because one of your friends will tell us, if you don't.
13. When we tell you that you're not fat, believe us.
14. We absolutely do not care about the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, 98 Degrees, or what any other guy looks like for that matter.
15. We may not be able to pee accurately all of the time, but at least we can stand up and go pee.
16. Just cause you think you're always right, doesn't mean that you don't have to apologize when you do something "wrong."
17. You expect us to say and do sweet things for you, but it would be nice if you did the same every once in a while. We like to know that you love us.
18. We can't always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the plans sometimes.
19. Don't ask us to beat up another guy for you, cause you might get what you wish for.
20. Never kick us in the nuts "just to see what we would say". That's just mean.
21. Never pretend like you are going to break up with us and laugh when we believe you.
22. Pamela Anderson's boobs aren't fake anymore, but we like yours better anyway.
23. Size doesn't matter, except to idiots who don't want a relationship
24. PMS is not an excuse.
25. If you want us to put the seat down when we're done, you should put it up when you're done.
26............ Don't tell us how cute your ex-boyfriend was. That doesn't turn us on.
27. And always remember: The way to a guys heart is through his stomach..... and maybe....oh nevermind.
28. NEVER ask us to kiss other guys. You might be that comfy with your friends, but to us it's just wrong.
29. We always notice how funny it is after you rip out our heart, stick it down our throat and still want to be friends.
30. We know you're not always right, but we'll pretend like you are anyway
31. And last but not least: If your fighting a guy and your winning no matter how much you say it HE is still letting you win!

LAYER ONE:
-- Name: Sam
-- Nickname: The Sam-Man
-- Birth date: March 26, 1990
-- Birthplace: Montana
-- Current location: Montana
-- Eye color: Brown
-- Hair color: Brown
-- Height: 5'8"
-- IQ: 150 (I swear, I'm not joking!)
-- Righty or lefty: Righty
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
LAYER TWO
-- Your heritage: English 50%, Irish, Italian, and German the rest
-- The shoes you wore today: I have one pair of shoes
-- Your weakness: Low self-esteem, shy around the opposite sex.
-- Your fears: Flying monkeys with knives
-- Your perfect pizza: stuffed crust, lots of cheese, pepperoni, black olives, and mushrooms.
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: Going to college, making lots of money, and marrying the woman of my dreams.
--Your favorite music artist: Bono (U2), Chester (LP), Beck Hansen (Beck)
--Favorite Movies: Gladiator, Equilibrium, House of Flying Daggers, Hero, Kingdom of Heaven, LOTR
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
LAYER THREE
-- Your most overused word: crap!
-- Your thoughts when first waking up: Damn alarm....zzzzzzzzz
-- Your best physical feature: I have none...
-- Your in-bed time: When I'm done playing video games.
-- Your most missed memory: being an innocent little kid...
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
LAYER FOUR
-- Soda: Cherry Pepsi
-- Fast food joint: Pizza Hut
-- Single or group dates: I don't know, I'm a loser, never had a date
-- Adidas or Nike: don't give a crap
-- Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
-- Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee!
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
LAYER FIVE
-- Smoke: Never
-- Cuss: Yeah, not proud of it though...
-- Sing: when I'm alone
-- Take a shower every day: Absolutely
-- Have a crush: yeah, but she doesn't know
-- Do you think you've been in love: Same as crush
-- Want to go to college: Probably
-- Want to get married: yes
-- Believe in yourself: sometimes
-- Get motion sickness: Never
-- Think you're attractive: no, no one else does either
-- Think you're a health freak: ???
-- Get along with your parents: usually
-- Like thunderstorms: hell yeah
-- Play an instrument: piano, soon to be guitar
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
LAYER SIX
In the past Year have you
-- Drank alcohol: yes
-- Smoked: no, don't plan to
-- Done a drug: does coffee count? COFFEE!!!
-- Had sex: no, I don't plan to unless I'm married.
-- Made out: no
-- Gone on a date: no
-- Gone to the mall: Yeah
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No
-- Eaten sushi: yes, very good, it wasn't raw
-- Been on stage: kind of
-- Gone skating: no
-- Made homemade cookies: yes, all the time
-- Gone skinny-dipping: no
-- Dyed your hair: can't remember
-- Stolen anything: no
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
LAYER SEVEN
Ever...
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: no
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: No
-- Been caught doing something: What the hell? "Something" could mean anything. "Oh, yeah, my parents caught me sitting in my room doing nothing." Dumb question
-- Been called a tease: Not in those terms *laughs maniacally*
-- Gotten beaten up: no
--Beaten someone up: maybe...
--Shoplifted: no
-- Changed who you were to fit in: I don't know who I am
-- Slept with a member of the opposite sex without having sex: not in the same bed, maybe in a car. Another dumb question
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
LAYER EIGHT
-- Age you hope to be married: before 35
-- Number of children: whatever happens
-- How do you want to die: peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa, not screaming like all the other people in his car. *Laughs insanely*
-- Where do you want to go to college: no idea
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: no idea, maybe doctor/chiropractor
-- What country would you most like to visit: Scotland
-- Who is your most loved person: my parents
-- Best first date location: how the hell should I know?!
-- Best first kiss location: See above
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
LAYER NINE
In a girl...
-- Best eye colour: I don't care, I'd love her no matter what she looked like
-- Best hair color: ditto
-- Short or long hair: ditto
-- Height: ditto
-- Best weight: ditto
-- Best articles of clothing: ditto
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
LAYER TEN
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: none
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: not many...
-- Number of CDs that I own: I don't know! Another dumb question
-- Number of piercings: none, hoping to get ears pierced
-- Number of tattoos: none, hopeful though
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: birth
--Number of scars on my body: to many to count.
-- Big injuries: not really, broken bones.
--Number of bones broken: 2, collarbone, wrist
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: a couple, being mean to people

[10 of my favortie bands]
1.] U2
2.] YellowCard
3.] Weezer
4.] Beck
5.] My Chemical Romance
6.] Green Day
7.] The Zutons
8.] The White Stripes
9.] Linkin Park
10.] Strong Bad


[09 Things You're Looking Forward To]
1.] Seeing friends (who?)
2.] Summer
3.] Saturday
4.] Friday
5.] Finding someone who loves me
6.] Swing Dancing
7.] Graduating (too long!)
8.] going on a date (riiiiiiiiight)
9.] Bedtime


[08 Things You Wear Daily]
1.] socks
2.] backpack (damn school)
3.] shirt
4.] shoes
5.] pants
6.] belt
7.] watch
8.] hair


[07 Things That Annoy You]
1.] stupid people
2.] parents
3.] suck-ups
4.] siblings
5.] seniors
6.] annoying people
7.] sophomores


[06 Things You Touch Every Day]
1.] computer
2.] Walkman
3.] CD's
4.] my hair
5.] my bed
6.] my locker



[05 Things You Do Every Day]
1.] take a shower
2.] go online
3.] listen to music
4.] talk
5.] ride bike


[04 of your favorite animals]
1.] monkeys
2.] cats
3.] dogs
4.] hippies


[03 Movies You Could Watch Over & Over]
1.] Original Star Wars Trilogy
2.] Equilibrium
3.] Gladiator



[02 Of Your Favorite Songs at the Moment]
1.] Ocean Avenue - YellowCard
2.] All Because of You - U2

[01 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With]
1.] Can't tell you Lol!

I see: nothing but pain
I need: a friend
I want: someone who loves me
I have: a heart full of pain, head full of stress, handful of anger held in my chest. -Linkin Park
I wish: for pain to end
I love: many people who don't even know
I hate: Racists, terrorists, those who live on the pain of others
I miss: my cousin, Becky
I fear: dying alone
I feel: pain
I hear: nothing
I smell: nothing
I crave: the love of another
I search: for someone I can trust
I wonder: when it all will end
I regret: being mean to others
I Am: no one

Type Your Name With Your...

Thumbs Together: Sam
Nose: ssssssssssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam
Elbow: sanm
Tounge: my keyboard's gross, I dowanna
Chin: swaqkm
Foot: cx nmj
Eyes closed and one finger: sa,
Back of your hand: dssm
Palm: sdaxasm nj
Mouse: sam
Wrist: asm n
Big Toe: ssssasm
Forehead:5tr6yuhjnbvgf

YOU WILL BOW TO ME!

Some of the best songs in history...

Peace on Earth- U2- Couldn't we all use some?

Heaven on earth
We need it now
I’m sick of all of this
Hanging around

Sick of sorrow
I’m sick of the pain
I’m sick of hearing
Again and again
That there’s gonna be
Peace on earth

Where I grew up
There weren’t many trees
Where there was we’d tear them down
And use them on our enemies

They say that what you mark
Will surely overtake you
And you become a monster
So the monster will not break you

And it’s already gone too far
You said that if you go in hard
You won’t get hurt

Jesus can you take the time
To throw a drowning man a line
Peace on earth


Tell the ones who hear no sound
Whose sons are living in the ground
Peace on earth

No who’s or why’s
No one cries like a mother cries
For peace on earth

She never got to say goodbye
To see the color in his eyes
Now he’s in the dirt
Peace on earth

They’re reading names out
Over the radio
All the folks the rest of us
Won’t get to know

Sean and julia
Gareth anne and peter
Their lives are bigger than
Any bigger

Jesus can you take the time
To throw a drowning man a line
Peace on earth

To tell the ones who hear no sound
Whose sons are living in the ground
Peace on earth

Jesus in the song you wrote
The words are sticking in my throat
Peace on earth

Hear it every christmas time
But hope and history won’t rhyme
So what’s it worth

This peace on earth
Peace on earth
Peace on earth
Peace on earth

Que Onda Guero- Beck- Psyco

Que' onda Jose?
Que' onda Jose?

See the vegetable man
In the vegetable van
With a horn that's honking
Like a mariachi band
In the middle of the street
People gather around
Put the dollar-dollar-dollar in the can
Hey wait, que onda?
TJ cowboys hang around
Sleeping in the sidewalk
With a Burger King crown
Never wake 'em up
Mas cerveza
Til the rooster crows
Vatos de gallos

Que' onda guero?
Que' onda guero?
Que' onda guero?
Que' onda guero?

Mondo broncos roll with crowbars
Chingling rancheros on cheap guitars
Abuelitas with plastic bags
Walking to the church with the Spanish candles
Daily burracho says 'ique putas!'
Andale, Joto, your popsicle is melting
Run better run, da doo run run
??? in the midnight sun
Guero, where are you going?
Que' onda guero?
Guero, where are you going?
Que' onda guero?

Rampart boys with loaded rifles
Guatemalan soccer ball instant replays
Mango ladies, vendedores
And a busstop singer
Banda macho chorus

Que' onda guero?
A donde vayas
Que' onda guero?
A donde vayas

Que ??? es ese?
Alla en la en Pico
La Pico and Vermont
Hey vamos a jugar futbol ahi en el Griffith Park
La locura!
Yeah now I'm going to LACC
I'm taking a ceramics class
See the vegetable man
James Joyce
Michael Bolton

Que' onda guero, where are you going?
Que' onda guero, where are you going?

Hey what's up guero?
"You doing pushups?"
No te veo guero!
El guero!
Que Pasa
Otra vero guero
I dunno I saw a puppet at Tang's
with a mullet and a popsicle.

Hey Guero
Que locura!
Chico

Hey Guero
Yeah Bro?
Hehehe, footlong?



Let's go to Cap'n Cork.
They have the new Yanni cassette

Nobody's Listening-Linkin Park
Scratching Beginning(Cu-coming at you)

Yo,

Peep the style and the kids checking for it
The number one question is how could you ignore it
And drop right back in the cut over basement tracks
Rap stack got you back in the sub black
Rewind that we just rolling with the rhythm
Rise from the ashes of stylist division
With these non-stop lyrics of life living
Not to be forgotten but still unforgiving
But in the meantime there are those who wanna talk this and that
So I suppose that it gets to a point where feelings gotta get hurt
And get dirty with the people spreading the dirt it goes

(Tried to give you warning but everyone ignores me)
Told you everything loud and clear
(But nobody’s listening)
(Called to you so clearly but you don’t want to hear me)
Told you everything loud and clear
(But nobody’s listening)

I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress
Head full of anger, held in my chest
And everything left’s a waste of time
I hate my rhymes, but hate everyone else’s more
I’m riding on the back of this pressure
Guessing that it’s better I can’t keep myself together
Because all of this stress gave me something to write on
The pain gave me something I could set my sights on
Never forget the blood sweat and tears
The uphill struggle over years the fear and
Trash talking and the people it was to
And the people that started it just like you

(Tried to give you warning but everyone ignores me)
Told you everything loud and clear
(But nobody’s listening)
(Called to you so clearly but you don’t want to hear me)
Told you everything loud and clear
(But nobody’s listening)

I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress
Head full of anger, held in my chest
Uphill struggle
Blood sweat n tears
Nothing to gain
Everything to fear

Heart full of pain, head full of stress
Head full of anger, held in my chest
Uphill struggle
Blood sweat n tears
Nothing to gain
Everything to fear

Heart full of pain

(Tried to give you warning but everyone ignores me)
Told you everything loud and clear
(But nobody’s listening)
(Called to you so clearly but you don’t want to hear me)
Told you everything loud and clear
(But nobody’s listening)

I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress
(Nobody’s listening)
Head full of anger, held in my chest
(Nobody’s listening)
Uphill struggle
Blood sweat n tears
(Nobody’s listening)
Nothing to gain
Everything to fear
(Nobody’s listening)

Scratching Conclusion (Cu-coming at you from every side)

One Step Closer- U2

One Step Closer
I'm 'round the corner from anything that's real
I'm across the road from hope
I'm under a bridge in a rip tide
That's taken everything I own

One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing

I'm on an island at a busy intersection
I can't go forward, I can't turn back
Can't see the future
It's getting away from me
I just watch the tail lights glowing

One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
Knowing, knowing

I'm hanging out to dry
With my old clothes
Finger still red with the prick of an old rose
Well, the heart that hurts
Is a heart that beats
Can you hear the drummer drumming

One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
One step closer to knowing
To knowing, to knowing
To knowing

Ocean Avenue - YellowCard

There's a place off Ocean Avenue
Where I used to sit and talk with you
We were both 16 and it felt so right
Sleeping all day, staying up all night
Staying up all night

There's a place on the corner of Cherry Street
We would walk on the beach in our bare feet
We were both 18 and it felt so right
Sleeping all day, staying up all night
Staying up all night



If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

There's a piece of you that's here with me
It's everywhere I go, it's everything I see
When I sleep, I dream and it gets me by
I can make believe that you're here tonight
That you're here tonight
If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

I remember the look in your eyes
When I told you that this was goodbye
You were begging me not tonight
Not here, not now
We're looking up at the same night sky
And keep pretending the sun will not rise
Be together for one more night
Somewhere, somehow

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

Funny Crap...

Learn Chinese the Easy way!

Please stay a while longer. - Wai Go Nao?
Are you harboring a fugitive? - Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me as soon as possible. - Kum Hia Nao.
That's not right. - Sum Ting Wong.
Stupid Man. - Dum Gai.
Your body odor is offensive. - Yu Stin Ki Pu.
This is a tow away zone. - No Pah King.
Small Horse. - Tai Ni Po Ni.
Did you go to the beach? - Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table. - Ai Bang Mai Ni.
I think you need a face lift. - Chin Tu Fat.
It's very dark in here. - Wai So Dim?
I thought you were on a diet. - Mun Ching?
You are not very bright. - Yu So Dum.
I got this for free. - Ai No Pei.
Stay out of sight. - Lei Lo.
He's cleaning his automobile. - Wa Shing Ka.


1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses
on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something,
ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone
has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. wahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the
prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation marks
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they
answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend
their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name,
Rock Hard Devon.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won! 3rd time this week!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot,
yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are
going to have to let one of you go."
20. Put this in all of your profiles.

TRUTH HURTS, NOT AS MUCH AS JUMPING ON A BIKE WITH NO SEAT, BUT IT STILL HURTS.
CAUTION: I DRIVE LIKE YOU DO!
STRANGERS HAVE THE BEST CANDY.
SAVE THE EARTH, IT'S THE ONLY PLANET WITH CHOCOLATE.
MY MIND WORKS LIKE LIGHTNING, ONE BRILLIANT FLASH AND IT'S GONE.
STUPIDITY IS NOT A CRIME, SO YOU'RE FREE TO GO.
WATCH OUT FOR THE IDIOT BEHIND ME!
HE WHO LAUGHS LAST, THINKS SLOWEST.
i BREAK FOR.........OH, CRAP NO BREAKS.
U.S.M.C.........UNCLE SAM'S MISGUIDED CHILDREN.
I LOVE TO GIVE HOMEMADE GIFTS....WHICH ONE OF MY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
100,000 SPERM AND *YOU* WERE THE FASTEST!?
THERE ARE 3 KINDS OF PEOPLE: THOSE WHO CAN COUNT AND THOSE WHO CAN'T.
A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE IS LIKE, YOU KNOW, NIGHT.
A MOUSE IS AN ELEPHANT BUILT BY THE JAPANESE.
A NUCLEAR WAR CAN RUIN YOUR WHOLE DAY.
ADULTS ARE JUST KIDS WITH MONEY.
ALL MEN ARE ANIMALS, SOME JUST MAKE BETTER PETS.
ALWAYS REMEMBER, YOU'RE UNIQUE, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
AMERICA-LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT!
AUNTIE EM: HATE YOU, HATE KANSAS, TAKING THE DOG. - DOROTHY.
BAD COP!-NO DONUT!
BE NICE, SOCIETY ALREADY SUCKS.
BILL CLINTON-89% FACT FREE.
BORN FREE.....TAXED TO DEATH.
BOYCOTT SHAMPOO....DEMAND REAL POO INSTEAD.
BUMPER STICKER IN THE YEAR 2100 - DISCO STILL SUCKS.
CAT: THE OTHER WHITE MEAT.
CHANGE IS GOOD....YOU GO FIRST!
COMFUCIOUS SAY "MAN WHO STANDS ON TOILET, IS HIGH ON POT."
DID YOU JUST FART OR DO YOU ALWAYS SMELL THAT WAY?
DO NOT MEDDLE IN THE AFFAIRS OF A DRAGON, FOR YOU ARE CRUNCHY AND GOOD WITH KETCHUP.
DO THEY EVER SHUT UP ON YOUR PLANET?
YOUR VILLAGE CALLED, THEIR IDIOT IS MISSING.
YOU ARE DEPRIVING SOME VILLAGE OF ITS IDIOT.
DRIVE LIKE YOU STOLE IT!
EAGLES MAY SOAR, BUT WEASELS DON'T GET SUCKED INTO JET ENGINES.
ELVIS HAS LEFT THE PLANET.
ENERGIZER BUNNY ARRESTED; CHARGED WITH BATTERY.
EVERY SILVER LINING HAS A CLOUD.
EVERYONE HAS A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY, SOME JUST DON'T HAVE FILM.
F U CN RD THS U CNT SPL WRTH A DM!
FASTER THAN A SPEEDING TICKET!
FEW WOMEN ADMIT THEIR AGE, FEW MEN ACT IT.
FIGHT SOCIALISM...VOTE REPUBLICAN.
FLIES SPREAD DISEASE, KEEP YOURS CLOSED!
FLORIDA: IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE WAY WE VOTE, THEN TAKE I-95 AND VISIT ONE OF THE OTHER 56 STATES.
FLORIDA: IF YOU THINK WE CAN'T VOTE, WAIT TILL YOU SEE US DRIVE.
FLORIDA: WE'RE NUMBER ONE! WAIT! RECOUNT!
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, EXCEPT THE ONE WHERE YOU'RE AT SCHOOL IN YOUR UNDERWEAR.
FOR HIM TO GET AN IDEA, IT WOULD TAKE A SURGICAL PROCESS.
GIVE BLOOD AND YOU TOO COULD GET A FREE BUMPER STICKER.
GOD GAVE MAN A BRAIN AND A PENIS AND ONLY ENOUGH BLOOD TO OPERATE ONE AT A TIME.
GRAVITY IS A MYTH...THE EARTH SUCKS.
GROW YOUR OWN DOPE! PLANT A MAN!
GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE, POSTAL WORKERS DO.
HAVE YOU SEEN ELVIS? 1-800-GET-A-LIFE.
HE WHO FARTS IN CHURCH SITS ON HIS OWN PEW.
HE'S NOT DEAD, HE'S ELECTROENCEPHALOGRAPHICALLY-CHALLENGED.
HONK IF YOU LIKE BOY BANDS - THEN DRIVE INTO A TREE.
I CAN ONLY PLEASE ONE PERSON PER DAY...TODAY IS NOT YOU DAY AND TOMORROW DOESN'T LOOK GOOD EITHER.
I DO WHATEVER MY RICE KRISPIES TELL ME TO.
I LAUGHED MY BUTT OFF AND I HAD A FEW INCHES TO SPARE. THANKS!! THIS WAS BETTER THAN ANY DIET I'VE EVER BEEN ON.
I MAY BE FAT, BUT YOU'RE UGLY - I CAN LOSE WEIGHT!
I SEE DUMB PEOPLE.
I TOOK A PAIN PILL. WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?
I THINK THAT I THINK, THEREFORE I THINK THAT I AM.
I MAY BE SLOW; BUT I'M AHEAD OF YOU.
I MUST HURRY, FOR THERE THEY GO AND I AM THERE LEADER.
I JUST LOVE NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION!
I SOUPORT EDEKASION.
I TRIED BEING NORMAL ONCE...I DIDN'T LIKE IT.
I USED UP ALL MY SICK DAYS, SO I CALLED IN DEAD!
I WANT TO DIE IN MY SLEEP LIKE MY GRANDFATHER...NOT SCREAMING AND YELLING LIKE THE PASSENGERS IN HIS CAR...
I WISH I WERE A GLOW WORM; A GLOW WORM IS NEVER GLUM, BECAUSE HOW COULD YOU BE UNHAPPY WHEN THE SUN SHINES OUT YOUR BUM?
I'M NOT A COMPLETE IDIOT; SOME PARTS ARE MISSING.

IF LIFE'S AN IDIOT, THEN YOU MUST BE THE GOD.
IF WALKING IS *SO* GOOD FOR YOU, THEN WHY DOES MY MAILMAN LOOK LIKE JABBA THE HUT?
IF WE ALL QUIT VOTING, WILL THEY GO AWAY?