I am out of the hospital. . .have been out for a while. . .I have just been extremely busy. . .but leave a message and i'll answer when I'm on. . .:)

only to be fair. . .
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You may ask me four questions.
Any four, no matter how private or how random.
I have to answer them honestly,and I have to answer them ALL!
In turn you post this message in your own journal, wiki, or profile and you have to answer the questions that are asked of you!
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ask me. . .looking for someone that might ask me something I usually won't answer. . .

Your life and love will not be forgotten. . .
In loving memory of my best friend and mother and savior
Karen Lee Rhodes
2/2/68 - 2/12/01

In loving memory of my brother, companion and training partner. . .live forever. . .
Shadow Ninja in life and death
Lenos Au Ekari
11/3/80 - 1/23/05

In remembrance of my love and soul partner. . .thank you for a life long adventure. . .
Savannah Ann Marie Longhart
4/10/86 - 5/10/06

To be remembered but no dates for asked not to be mentioned. . .may your memory be not in veign. . .
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Dhug Hi
Forest Livvel
Brian Rickards
Leon Loman
Matt Frim
Kevin Haloway
Krista Gray
Jennifer Haile
Lacy Holmes

New entry. . .Bonnie Boleyn. . .my mothers best friend and mine as well. . .the only person that could bring me up and slap me around when i truely needed it. . .for you I cried tonight. . .I love you and you are always in my heart. . .

If you think you know what pain is. . .smile when your whole world is taken away from you. . .

I was in the hospital and this is day 3 of me being in coma. . .





training for my next competition. . .

Pounding through my head, the cold harmless fact that the life I once sought is the life I am running from. Only the light at the end of a buried tunnel is the path allowed to me by my path's content mind. Sword in hand, my path is clear and so is my answer. . .I will not run from my life. Persue this destiny that I want no more will be my purpose for the lost destiny of mine is now anothers. . .and another will be mine. Everything has been made by a sword and broken by a barrel. . .only for the hate to fire out of the sheath of this torment to give. Flying streaks of red as the sky fills with screams and my ears can feel the silence of the end and feel the hate of my eyes throughout all. . .this time. . .only a blade can befoul a blade and no barrel can drive a thorn out of it's cambers to watch the ground grow colorful. The tear of thine eye has spoken, and the will done is mine. . .brother, in remembrance. . .

A hartram. . .a metphore of unnatural occurance. . .something lost but unexplainable in this paratime of reality. . .not much to be known, just a lost ambition to be found heart deep and love held. . .to lock away an instance in time where nothing is remotely possible but everything can be retained. . .a mindset. . .a simple thought of how this once being just vanishes into the absolute of one's own subconcious calender. . .for this time, there is still no time, but a rememberance of it. . .however. . .only this feeling can be retained. . .the tears that scream to breath are withheld from the inner most of breaths, just waiting for the chance to speak of the very first occurance of this feeling that arises. . .all that is left. . .to sigh and forget. . .to smile and remember all that was good. . .everything. . .

Breathe with me and leave me breathless. . .

Hope to be hoped for. . .for hope is the only wish you can hope for. . .

Ok. . .enough of the thought process and memories. . .this is me, Tico and this is all I wish to be. . .You can't change me and I refuse to be changed by the will of others. . .I live by two codes. . .my code and the code of my swords, any others is unacceptable. . .just remember the name of the one who is truly free and unwilling to be controlled, and that is Tico. . .I value nature and art over any human that seeks to destroy it, and I will protect it against any that seek to do so. . .I trust no one, but the ones I have trust for know and can always call on me for help without fail. . .

Well anyway. . .now that you know very little of me. . .live free and lots of respect. . .to some of you at least. . .

Respect the sword and it shall be your protector. . .honor the code and I shall be your ally. . .


Actually. . .I think i'll just post all of my stuff here. . .so you can see what I think all in one setting. . .this might change. . .

Time. . .

Wow . . .this . . .just like a rusted wheel that turns the second hand on Big Ben that fits into a seven year olds palm. Winding down the time that you have to count the time on a brand new invention made before man was called human, and it was inhuman to beat a little child to teach him a lesson but it was perfectly fine to kill an innocent creature for sport. There is time to change; time to change even that. To make something lesser be equal again in an unequal tic of the clock that tocs. Finding the gap between the hour, and the minute, and the second; pointing to the end of a new revelation while clockwising counter-clockwise to the beginning of an unseen event that is found in plain sight. Which decides what you can or can’t do, see, feel, hear, cry, or silently think in a real ting of the bell toll? Is there even a toll for the bell to ting off of? Fascist bastards that don’t have anything better to do with their gearless time than to publicize our unruly plan of world contemplation. To kill time, or those on the clock. Your hands, my blood with your head on his shoulders glaring blankly into what used to be the past of the future. Wondering what those timeless eyes could possibly see in that colorful picture, I can see it now . . .the Mona Lisa in a straight line; or a Van Gough in a song. The song that has no time . . .it just simply keeps going. Sound song in a timeless rhyme that has no meaning but to be played for the emotional enjoyment or pain. Just to play without the malicious sting of the chime of the clock on the hour for no longer than forever. To the end of what time called the toll . . .to the end.


Sticks and Stones. . .

Sticks and stones don't do shit against my trial and regret. Falling from a limb off of a cherry plum tree in the middle of Hooville, I can see the blankness in the agony. The paranoid wind as one fish, two fish, red fish, fuck fish get out of jail just to see the boardwalk and eat green eggs and ham. Slamming through thee, the dead cold fingers of an armless man in the park playing chess with the Grinch. Pulling the fire alarm just to hear the sirens and screams over the water which all resides in your sooul's sanity. Having tea with a fox in a box on a train in the rain while Alice is in her own wonderland where meat hooks and crazy elven angels are the game. And while santa and the easter bunny are gangbanging the toothfairy, Black Panthers and the KKK are ballroom dancing under the sea to I can't believe it's not butter. As the lights go out, you can see a light protruding from a jack-in-the-box playing with a light bright without the bright light. Seeing snow from gumdrop mountain brings a thirst to your eye only for the simple reason you didn't pass go; forcing you to fall into the holiday spirit with Rambo and a thimble. Make it now or death is a pleasure. . .and life is inevitable; and all because you didn't pass go. . .at the roll of the die.

Random thought. . .

To think of this just to think of another. . .hate, love, to fear, to be feared, anger, compassion. . .what is this thought. I once knew the thought of you that filled my skies and sailed my winds; but that small breeze perished to a heavy tear of my hearts now forever closed eye. . .forever never to be reclosed again. Follow this path to a thought that I think can drown thine memories to the past of what your future will not be, that is forgotten and never to be not remembered in the tears of a lost thought. . .for my thought of you cannot be feared, only embraced and loved. To remember. . .this love that has been given over and over by many few, and returned each time a little less. . .till no thought could be loved, but to fly again with this thought of remembrance, I can once again have my skies filled with the breeze of another thought that I can fear not of. I am afraid of this not fear, and love the hate that has deminished. . .remember I do the love for the others, and the thoughts that came through without warning. . .I have found my wind to be sailed once more.

Living is only a dream that you refuse to believe every time you wake up. . .

Life is death with problems. . . death is life with benefits. . .

To my blade I take my heart. . .to your heart I take my blade. . .

To those who recognize this. . .Umani Kumatai. . .from me to you. . .and message me back. . .

For the one that cannot sleep and the mind that will not rest, I am the peacemaker. . .the rest that is missing. . .I am what you wish to get rid of and what you wish to help. . .having laid down the troublesome past and to rest your head upon the mat that you call upon will only be accomplished by the acceptance of the grief you have. . .knowing what you have done, and what you will do in the future, only to have your back watched by yours own. . .but to also have it watched for destruction cannot be a factor in your mind. . .clear the tear from the eye that wheeps for you, for pity will accomplish nothing. . .wipe that grin off your face for happiness has not yet come from torment. . .rest your troubles and grant a passage into your paradise or replenishment. . .for your eyes' tear needs to breath. . .

Umani Kumatai. . .nope, it was only a dream. . .
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Fire is the fuel that feeds my hungry soul, fills my head with the truth and makes my fists glow red with fury. . .the past is my fuel and the ones lost are the kindle. . .

Ahh. . .so you can pick up and swing the sword. . .now, can you wield it. . .

Courage is nothing without honor. . .

To be swift and cunning. . .to go unnoticed and stand in the shadow of your most feared enemy. . .to fear only that which you are willing to defeat. . .until then will you be unworthy to be called Ninja of the Shadow. . .

To be strung up by your passion and beaten by your desires only to have them taken away by your memories. . .that is the reality of the minds' eye that resides in my everything. . .To go foward through all this weakness to make me stronger can only bring happiness. . .forced change is forced back with will and hate for the change that others want me to make. . .to have them put in a meal fit for no one, yet the screams are more edible than the silence. . .hate is not there anymore, and love will replace the change. . .learn to forget what they want you to be, and remember who you can become. . .be free. . .

Another Game. . .

Imagine the possibility to achieve the impossible. Out of site and out of reach, this is just another game of chess to be played. My knight to be taken by your rook to mate my king separated from his lost mistress. . .could it be that easy to lose, or that easy to win. . .or was it given up so quickly just to get a result not caring what the outcome could be or even resemble. This all to be played by the strategy of each move, for every piece has a role and someone must be the martyr. . .how to choose, what strategy and what sacrifice. . .where and how to move. . .one last play, just to lose it all in another game. . .

Drink from the tear of your souls' sanity. . .

When the everlasting vanity of a song untold is sung into a deaf ear, the story of this lifetime will subside. Haunted by that song and chased by that vision. . .so pure that not even this fairy tale will have a good ending. . .feel the breath of the sung artist. Live into the darkness of that deaf man's hearing, and fall into the light of what used to be his joy, for that song has taken it. . .the song that screams torment, and the audience that applauds not knowing what the meaning is. Zombies to listen and a puppet master to guide them, this opera was meant for the deaf, and meant to chase away the sane. To be no more in the presence of the vanity that was once there. . .

One single tear. . .

Open your eyes and see yourself. . .see what you have become and glorify for you are loved. . .look around and see what is yours, anything you wish and everything you have ever dreamed of is now in your reach. . .Relax for your life is now your love and you can only sit back and wonder who will be there beside you that you can call your lover. . .now smile, for that is what brightens your soul and lets out every doubt that you are alone. . .for I am here for you. . .

If you heard me say 'I care". . .its either due to good friendship or a figment of your imagination. . .

I joined the armed forces to become physically challenged. . .

Truly light times in a truly dark era. . .shine through the fog with the wave of light that trickles through your fingertips and embraces your face like soft rose pedals. . .Joy is all that is left. . .the fountain of love lies in the valley compassion, bringing that guiding light to the lost. Soft music dance through your head as the autumn leaves ballet in the wind. . .forever remember the poetic memories. . .

Be free from yourself. . .take a chance and live. . .

There is always a reason to smile. . .just think of the things you have and be greatful. . .

My someone lies within her. . .for her smile and the way her eyes peer into mine is breathtaking. . .

Hear me or fear me for my words will only be spoken once. . .life is unexpected and love is a mystery. . .finding your way through this maze was and still finds its way to be difficult. . .although my age is young, I have seen trials and tribulations that no one person should ever have to face. . .I have seen new life and horrid deaths. . .I have seen good friendships, and those friendships turn to violence. . .I have seen fear and anger, and I have seen fear in anger. . .I have seen a tear do more damage than a hurricane. . .I have also seen a smile bring more joy into a sorrowed mans heart than any word could express. . .I have seen art. . .and in that I have seen joy and the end of the tunnel. . .I have seen kids sooth the heart of a murderer. . .and I have seen a poem turn a persons life around. . .art and compassion are two things that you have that could make all the difference, use them well. . .

Tico Salamandrais