[44 WAYS TO FREAK YOUR ROOMATE OUT

1. Smoke ballpoint pens.

2. Smile -- All the time

3. Always flush the toilet three times.

4. Listen to radio static.

5. Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as
soon as you wake up.

6. Whenever you go to sleep, starts jumping on your bed . . . do so for a
while, then jump really high and act like you hit your head on the ceiling.
Crumple onto your bed and fake like you were knocked out . . . use this
method to fall asleep...every night for a month.

7. Whenever his/her parents call and ask for your roommate, breathe into the
phone for 5 seconds then hang up.

8.Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come,
pretend nothing happened.

9. Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door

10.Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.

11. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your
roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more
than meets the eye."

12. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is
asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every
morning.

13. Trash your room when your roommates not around. Then leave and wait for
your roommate to come back. When he/she does, walk in and act surprised.
Say, "Uh-oh, it looks like THEY were here again."

14. Every time you see your roommate yell, "You son of a..." and kick
him/her in the stomach. Then buy him/her some ice cream.

15. Set your roommate's bed on fire. Apologize and explain that you've been
watching too much Beavis and Butthead. Do it again. Tell him/her that your
not sorry because this time they deserved it.

16. Eat lots of MnM's. Pick out all the blue ones and stockpile them in the
closet. If your roommate inquires, explain that visitors are coming, but you
can't say anything more, or you'll have to face the consequences.

17. Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at
it and say, "It's spreading, it's spreading!"

18. Buy a McDonald's Happy Meal for lunch every day. Eat the straw and the
napkin. Throw everything else away.

19. Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks,
start to argue with it loudly. Then yell, "I can't live in the same room
with you," storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid of the plant,
but keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever again.

20. Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops
out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.

21. If your roommate comes home after midnight, hit him/her on the head with
a rolling pin. Immediately go to bed, muttering, "Ungrateful little..."

22. Pile dirty dishes in your roommate's bed. Insist that you don't know how
they got there.

23. Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one
pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

24. While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your
roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

25. Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one
after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a
few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your
roommate, "He just didn't belong."

26.Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he/she
knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side
of the room with concern.

27. Practice needlepoint every night. At one point, grab your thumb and
scream, "Owwwww!" Cry hysterically for a few minutes, and then go back to
bed. Sob and sniff all night.

28. Every time your roommate comes in, immediately turn off the lights and
go to bed. When he/she leaves, get up and loudly yell, "Okay guys, you can
come out now!"

29. Sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing nothing.
Then look up and say, "I think this game goes a lot faster with two players."

30. Talk back to your Rice Bubbles. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the
bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I
want to watch them suffer."

31. Change the locks on the door. Don't let your roommate in unless he/she
says the secret word. Change the secret word often. If your roommate can't
guess the secret word, make him/her pay a toll.

32. Scatter stuffed animals around the room. Put party hats on them. Play
loud music. When your roommate walks in, turn off the music, take off the
party hats, put away the stuffed animals, and say, "Well, it was fun while
it lasted."

33. When you walk into the room, look at the roommate in disgust and yell,
"Oh you're here!" Walk away yelling and cursing.

34. Buy a watermelon. Draw a face on it and give it a name. Ask your
roommate if the watermelon can sleep in his/her bed. If your roommate says
no, drop the watermelon out the window. Make it look like a suicide. Say
nasty things about your roommate at the funeral.

35. Draw a chalk outline on the floor. When your roommate comes in, say,
"Don't worry. It's not what you think." If he/she asks about it again,
immediately change the subject.

36. Drink a cup of coffee every morning. When you finish it, gnaw on the mug
for about ten minutes. Then look at your roommate, immediately put the mug
away, and quickly leave the room.

37. Set up about twenty plants in an organized formation. When your roommate
walks in, pretend to be in the middle of delivering a speech to the plants.
Whisper to them, "We'll continue this later," while eyeing your roommate
suspiciously.

38. Keep some worms in a shoe box. When doing homework, go and consult with
the worms every so often. Then become angry, shouting at the worms that
they're stupid and they don't know what they are talking about.

39. Wear a paper hat. Every time your roommate walks in, say, "Welcome to
McDonald's, can I take your...Oh, it's just you." Take off the hat, sit, and
pout.

40. Go through your roommate's textbooks with a red pen, changing things and
making random corrections. If your roommate protests, tell him/her that you
just couldn't take it anymore.

41. As soon as your roommate turns off the light at night, begin singing
famous operas as loud as you can. When your roommate turns on the light,
look around and pretend to be confused.

42.Whenever your roommate sneezes, go and hide in the closet for about an
hour. Look around nervously for the rest of the day.

43. Sit and stare at your roommate for hours. Bring others in to join you.
Eat peanuts, throwing a few at your roommate. Then say, "Boy, these zoos
just aren't what they used to be."

44. Buy a gun. Clean it every day. One day, put a band-aid on your forehead,
and refuse to discuss the gun ever again.]

[A white man yells to a black man. "Hey colored boy! You're blockin my view."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"When I was born I was black,"
"When I grew up I was black,"
"When I'm sick I'm black,"
"When I go in the sun I'm black,"
<"When I'm cold I'm black,"
"When I die I'll be black"
"But you sir..."
"When you're born you're pink,"
"When you grow up you're white,"
"When you're sick, you're green,"
"When you go in the sun you turn red,"
"When you're cold you turn blue,"
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And you have the nerve to call me colored?"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
copy and paste this in your house if your AGAINST raceism!]

The Baloney Song...........
Oscar "Clinton" Mayer

His baloney has a first name,
It's "I - did - not - inhale."
His baloney has a second name,
"I - wasn't - getting- tail."
He loves to sling it every day.....,
The White House people all just say.....,
"That Billy Clinton has - a - way
Of making bullshit sound OK!      

READ THIS!
Follow these rules to maintain your sanity
  1. Every time someone asks you to do something,
ask if they want fries with that.
  2 In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".
  3 Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
  4. Don't use any punctuation marks
  5. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
  6. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
  7. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
  8. Sing along at the opera.
  9. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
  10. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
  11. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard (instert name here).
  12. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!"
  13. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
  14. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
  15. Put this in all of your profiles.

15 Fun Things to do at Wal-Mart

  [1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.
  2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 2-minute Intervals.
  3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
  4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares and see what happens.
  5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay-away.
  6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
  7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
  8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
  9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
  10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
  11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
  12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
  13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!"
  14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
  15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while, then yell, very loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here!"]





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look at my fuzzy his name is stuey and his first words were "damn damn damn"
      


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