shaggy brown hair 6'1 redneck and hates both yankees basicly any1 above the maison dixin line                     You Know You're From North Carolina When...
You've gotten used to the smell of cow manure on a car trip to Raleigh.



Saying "y'all" isn't just a cute expression; it actually means something.
There are big labrador retrievers in the back of every truck.
You give directions using KFC and Waffle House as landmarks.
Your annual church fundraiser always deals with bbq and potato salad
Your family has fried chicken once a week
You can tell the difference between cotton fields and tobacco fields while driving
One of your neighbors has a confederate flag hanging on their front porch
Those "damn yankees" are taking over your school/church/workplace/neighborhood...
You've been "properly raised", and yankees love it when they hear you say "ma'am" and "sir"
You get your carbs from biscuits, rolls, pancakes, and grits
You know the difference between a "redneck" and a "hick".
You own at least one surf shop or seafood restaurant shirts.
No matter what those people in ohio say, we are still "first in flight"
You know pastry is a chicken stew, not a dessert item.
Every time you visit someone you?re offered something to eat and a glass of tea.
When it rains and the creek rises, everyone gathers to see how high it rose.
You know that "chunk" the ball means to throw it.
You've had a burger "all the way" - chili and slaw on it.
You can recognize a copperhead and your heart drops when you see one.
You have at least one relative that raises collards.
Your folks have taken trips to the mountains to look at leaves.
Your school classes were cancelled because of a hurricane.
You know Krispy Kreme makes the best doughnut.
You have an opinion about UNC. You went there and loved it, or you hate everyone who did.
You would rather eat at Bojangles's than McDonald's
You have actually uttered the phrase "It's too hot to go to the pool"
You faithfully drink Pepsi or Mt. Dew everyday of your life.
You or your neighbors have more hunting dogs than you have family members.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from North Carolina.
Things a Redneck Would Never Say...

Duct tape won't fix that.

Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

We don't keep firearms in this house.

Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

You can't feed that to the dog.

I thought Graceland was tacky.

No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.

Wrasslin's fake.

Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
                     We're vegetarians. 

I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.

Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

Deer heads detract from the decor.

Spitting is such a nasty habit.
                      I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

The tires on that truck are too big.

Unsweetened tea tastes better.
                     Would you like you fish poached or broiled?

I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams. 

She's too old to be wearing a bikini.

I don't have a favorite college team.

be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

CONDOM PROBLEM
I recall my first time with a condom....I was 16 or so. I went in to
buy a package of condoms. There was a beautiful woman behind the
counter and, she could see that I was new at it.
She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.
I honestly answered, "No."
So she unwrapped the package, took one out, and slipped over her
thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I
apparently still looked confused so, she looked all around the store.
It was empty. She said, "Just a minute, " and walked to the door and
locked it.



Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse,
and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. She asked,
"Do these excite you?"
Well, I was SO dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head.
She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it
on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties, and laid down on a
desk.
"Well, come on, " she said, "we don't have much time."
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could
no longer hold back and..........POW, I was done within a few minutes.
She looked at me with a frown. "Did you put that condom on?" I
said, "I sure did, " and held up my thumb to show her.