"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."---Albert Einstein

  "Conservation is a state of harmony between man and land."---Aldo Leopold
 
  "The first thing to remember when tinkering, is to save all the pieces."---Aldo Leopold

I used to come to elftown alot under a different user name. Been so long ago I can't even rember exactly what it was. Moria something.... Anyway here I am again and trying to find my old friends, I need them back. I am alone in this world and kinda scared.

And of course NEW FRIENDS are always good.


I am an Environmental Studies student with an extreme passion for insects.

I am married. I have 4 children, One boy and three girls. AND MY FIRST GRANDBABY!!!!


He is so cute!

I am usually very easy to get a long with and pride my self on being very civilized and non-judgemental. I try to give everyone a shot. At least until they prove they can not be the same way toward me.

I am very protective of my children and how they are treated, have even went to jail protecting them.

I am only 5'2 3/4" tall and weigh about 115 pounds. I can bench press almost 100lbs and leg press twice that, small but mighty.

I have short reddish brown hair that i am trying to grow out. Big brown eyes with eyelashes that grow so long i have to trim them so they don't rub on my eyeglasses.

I don't consider myself anything special to look at, just a warning for when i get a picture up.


It seemd like I spenf alot of time feeling this way.....

    Untitled

Alone; deserted; fallen; beaten
This is how yu have made me feel.
How do you feel?
Happiness; joy; passion; ecstasy
This is what I have lost.
What have you lost?

Do such things exsist anymore?
Where does one go to find these things again?
Heart; soul; inner-being; self
How does one unlock such a hidden place?

Friend; foe; family; others
Doesn't anyone else see?
Why didn't anyone else see?
You made me invisible to the world.

Lies; deception; heartache; alone
This is the legacy you have given to me
This is what I feel now.


Here is something I wrote awhile back...
A Toast to the New Comers

To all those
Who look about
And see what
Life has to offer
Instead of all the dead ends
Of life’s unhappy moments,

I would like to give you
A helping hand;
An encouraging smile;
A word of hope.

The world has been
Laid at your feet,
Step up and grasp your destiny.

Fulfill your dreams
You have the power for anything!


This one always make me feel refreshed....
A New Day

As you awaken at day break
You awaken to a new day.

Your senses fill with life.

The fresh clean scent
Of the tranquil blue sea
Mixing with the mountain Heather and Pines,

As you stroll up the path
Through the valley meadows
You are surrounded
By the smell of sacred sweet grass
And fragrant wild flowers.

You climb to the top of the rocky mountain footpath;
You look to the vast blue sky.

You close your eyes and listen
To the new day
awakening before you.


My Covers by Balthizar

They were always there
to save me from the shadows
i would hide beneath them when the   monsters came
they kept me warm, they kept me safe

My covers are always there
they keep my fears and scares away
they keep warm, and safe at night
when they things i fear come to cause me fright

Those nights, when my fears and monsters would appear
my covers would protect me
they would chase away my childish fears

Don't take away my covers
there what keeps me safe at night
please don't take them away
i need them to live
to go through the night
with out my covers
is asking me
to face those fears
which scare me most.


These poems where written by Maup, a dear friend.

here to forget
not what's been said
but what's been done
to see what is won

here to stay
make sure you pay
for what you need
to feel your good deed

here so long
to make you feel strong
in turns of desire
may you spread the fire

indeed we are clever
here to endearvor
each not the same
each with different blame

who is right
those who fight
those who do not
will they be forgot

sure this is one way
but not the right way
you are for you
this is your cue

live for what you believe
so you shall receive
a ticket to relieve your pain
with nothing to lose but all to gain.(3-7-05)

to deliver a remedy for an unpleasant thought
a cascade of benevolent words hit me
an act of extraordinary kindness
something I really sought
something I could first not see
for the aching blindness
this is what she brought
my only wish for an angel to guide
she has found me at last
so I may start feeling more pride
and ameliorate me from my past
a heart so kind, absolute, and pure
as with her mind to attribute and cure.(2-18-05)

let's cut the arm
nice and deep
let's draw blood
a memory to keep

the painit lingers
but hurts not much
it feels quite nice
but not to touch

it heals up slow
leaving a scar
let's cut again
thoughts now afar

look at me
see who i am
do you think i am crazy
if i do it again

i like no one haere
i cannot relate
i feel so sad
and have feelings of hate

but the love for yourself
is why you are still here
but know if you need me
I am always near

things are never that bad
but you convince yourself thay are
that's why youlike cutting
and leaving a scar

it's fine by me
but know those around you
they worry sick
and know not what to do

find another way to remember
and a way to forget
a different kind of pain
as it is all in your head. (4-11)


written by their brother and soulmate [Dr.Mandarian] 4-10-05. in memory of their kindness and warmth.

Close to tears
this man reveres
speechless remains he in favour
Almost like saint
she fainted my strains
and my utterly doubts
like she scattered the clouds

That clawed upon me most darkly
Never saw a maiden as heartly
to just some distant brother
of her truely lucky groom

They are now my companions
incomparable with acquaintance
In my own blood there flows
from now on in their woe
my guarding cresent moon

Over the pure hearted lady
that overhumbles me
and pure like the thunder and brave her strong groom.



This is one of my dearest friends, luv ya the matter of splatter