Easily Entertained.

Info on me? Okay then.

Look at picture.
Do I look friendly? Like a person you could talk to somewhat intelligently? Then by all means, drop me a message.

Now for the rest of you.

Do I look like a smiling psychopathic lunatic? Like I really want to eat your soul and make your life an eternal pit of suffering? Then by all means message me!

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I have decided since there is absolutely nothing of interest here, I will try and add a little...something...

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Strange Insights and Nonsense

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1. ON METAPHYSICS
Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in the head like this before.

2. ON DEEP THOUGHTS
A day without sunshine is like night.

3. ON PARADOX AND RETURN POLICIES
There is a CD out entitled "The Worst of Jefferson Airplane". If you buy this, take it home, play it, and enjoy it, should you take it back and demand a refund?

4. ON HIGHER EDUCATION
College is a fountain of knowledge... and the students are there to drink.

5. ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS
A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

6. ON YOUTH
Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk.
-- Stephen King, 3/8/90

6. ON PROBLEM SOLVING
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.
-- Abraham Maslow

7. ON MATERIALISM
He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.

8. ON RELIGIOUS PRACTICES
Photons have mass? I didn't know they were Catholic!

9. ON INFINITY
If you had everything, where would you keep it?

10. ON ECONOMICS
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

11. ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING
I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
-- English Professor, Ohio University

12. ON REVISIONIST HISTORY
What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?

13. ON DATING
When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the occasional division by zero.

14. ON POETIC LOVE
When you're swimmin' in the creek
And an eel bites your cheek
That's a moray!
-- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

15. ON MODERNISM
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

16. ON MATERIAL SCIENCE
Character density: The number of very weird people in the office.

17. ON EXTINCTION
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

18. ON LITERATURE
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
-- Dorothy Parker

19. ON HUMILITY
To err is human, to moo bovine.

20. ON EXPLANATION OF THE END ...
One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
-- Robert Firth

21. ON PROPHECY
The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse.

22. ON EXCUSES
I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. -- Joe Walsh

23. ON NUMBERS
Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for very large values of 2.

24. ON WORLD POLITICS
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.

25. AND FINALLY, ON DRUGS AND DEVELOPMENT
There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.

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Strange but Basically Useless Information

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1. Coca-cola was originally green.
2. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury.
3. Smartest dogs: 1) border collie; 2)poodle; 3)golden retriever.
4. Dumbest dog: Afghan
5. Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.
6. Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.
7. Chances that an American lives within 50 miles of where they grew up: 1 in 2
8. Amount American Airlines saved in '87 by taking out 1 olive from each salad served in first class: $40,000
9. City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong
10. State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
11. Chances of a white Christmas in New York: 1 in 4
12. Portion of US annual rainfall that falls in April: 1/12
13. Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
14. Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
15. Estimated % of American adults who go on diet each year: 44%
16. Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33
17. Average number of days a West German goes without washing his underwear: 7
18. Percentage of Americans who say that God has spoken to them: 36%
19. Percentage of Americans who regularly attend religious services: 43%
20. City with highest per capita viewership of TV evangelists: Washington DC
21. Percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80%
22. % of American women who say they would marry the same man: 50%
23. % of men who say they are happier after their divorce or separation: 58%
24. % of women who say they are happier after their divorce or separation: 85%
25. Number of different family relationships for which Hallmark makes cards: 105
26. Cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
27. Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.
28. Percentage of Americans who have visited Disneyland or Disney World: 70%
29. Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
30. Portion of ice cream sold that is vanilla: 1/3
31. Portion of potatoes sold that are French fried: 1/3
32. Percentage of Americans that eat at McDonald's each day: 7
33. Percentage of bird species that are monogamous: 90%
34. Percentage of mammal species that are: 3%
35. Number of US states that claim test scores in their elementary schools are above national average: 50%
36. Portion of Harvard students who graduate with honors: 4/5
37. Chances that a burglary in the US will be solved: 1 in 7.
38. Portion of land in the US owned by the government: 1/3
39. Only President to remain a bachelor: James Buchanon
40. Only first lady to carry a loaded revolver: Eleanor Roosevelt
41. Only President to win a Pulitzer: John F. Kennedy for "Profiles in Courage"
42. Only President awarded a patent: Abe Lincoln, for a system of buoying vessels over shoals
43. Only food that does not spoil: honey
44. Only person to win $64,000 Challenge and $64,000 Question: Dr. Joyce Brothers (subject is boxing)
45. Only bird that can fly backwards: Hummingbird
46. Only continent without reptiles or snakes: Antarctica
47. Only animal besides human that can get sunburn: pig
48. Ostriches stick their heads in the sand to look for water.
49. An eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it.
50. In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees.
51. Polar bears are left-handed.
52. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
53. Eskimos never gamble.
54. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
55. The youngest pope was 11 years old.
56. Mark Twain didn't graduate from elementary school.
57. Proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses.
58. Pilgrims ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner.
59. Your nose and ears never stop growing.
60. Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets in our solar system combined.
61. Hot water is heavier than cold.
62. The parachute was invented by da Vinci in 1515.
63. They have square watermelons in Japan. They stack better.
64. Cream does not weigh as much as milk.
65. Starfish have eight eyes-one at the end of each leg.
66. Iceland consumes more Coca-cola per capita than any other nation.
67. First novel ever written on a typewriter was "Tom Sawyer."
68. There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year.
69. Heinz Catsup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles per year.
70. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.
71. Men get hiccups more often than women.
72. Armadillos can be housebroken.

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Strange Classified Ads

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The following were actually taken from recent classified ads in newspapers:

FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL -
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
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FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.
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1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer
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AMANA WASHER $100.
OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
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SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
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FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART DOG
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2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
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TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
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COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
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83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000
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STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15
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SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents each
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GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.
NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
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FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR. WARRANTY.
LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
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FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS
WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.
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FOR SALE:
LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50
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NORDIC TRACK $300
HARDLY USED
CALL CHUBBIE
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BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING
"WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"
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SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS
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FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
BEEN OUT AWHILE..
BETTER BE REWARD.
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HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
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GET A LITTLE JOHN:
THE TRAVELING URINAL
HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER.
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HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
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GEORGIA PEACHES
CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
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NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE
SLIGHTLY STAINED
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FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
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AMERICAN FLAG
60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100
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TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
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NOTICE:
TO THE PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE: PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED.
PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE.
ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VICINITY ARE DEAD.
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EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS -$175.
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OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB
AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
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JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER - $300.
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ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES
FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
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GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.
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GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.
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BAR S SLICED BALOGNA
REGULAR OR TASTY
SAVE 30 CENTS ON 2
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OPEN HOUSE
BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
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KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box
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FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.

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Whoo!! The bottom! You made it all the way! Now you get to scroll right back up or you could just hit page up. ^^;