have you ever seen such an ugly girl with such a pretty face?

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i am in leage with the aliens! i have come to take over your miesly little planet! Or have i???? 


tall...ish, semi-short black hair, blue eyes, emo glasses, big breasted, and ghetto stuff like that! hehehe!

But anywho, i have my left ear pierced twice, my right ear pierced once, my nose pierced, and my tonuge piered(in order of which i got them).

READ THIS!
Follow these rules to maintain your sanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses
on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something,
ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone
has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the
prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation marks

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they
answer.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape
of jungle sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend
their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name,
Rock Hard Devon.

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!"
"3rd time this week!!!!!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot,
yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are
going to have to let one of you go."

20. Put this in all of your profiles.


I shave my legs
i sit down to pee
and i can justifie any shopping spree.
I don't go to a barber
but a beauty salon
i can get a message without a hard-on
i can balance the checkbook
i can pump my own gas,
i can talk to my friends
about the size of my ass
my style's a masterpiece
and yes it takes long,
at least i can admit
to others i'm wrong!
I don't drive in circles
at any cost,
and i don't have a problem
admitting i'm lost.
I never forget
an important date,
you just got to deal with it
when i'm usually late,
I don't watch a movie with a lot of gore,
and i don't need instant relay
to remember the score,
I won't lose my hair,
I don't get jock itch,
and just cause i'm assertive
don't call me a bitch!
don't say to your friends
"oh yeah i can get her"
in your dreams my dear
i can do better!
flowers are okay,
but bjewlery is the best,
look at me you ideot!
NOT at my chest!
I don't have a problem with expressing my feelings,
i know you're lying
when you look at the celing!
DON"T call me a GIRL
a BABE or a CHICK,
i'm a woman!
so suck my dick!

READ THIS
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A girl asked a boy if he thought she was pretty, he said...no


She asked him if he would want to be with her forever, and he siad...no


She then asked him that if she were to walk away, would he cry, once again he replyed with a...no


She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streamed down her face.


The boy grabbed her arm and said,


You're not pretty, you're BEAUTIFUL,


I don't WANT to be with you forever, i NEED to,


And i wouldn't cry if you walked away, i DIE!
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Ich bin sehr gebohrt. deshalb viel, damit ich rede mich selbst. ach ich von meinem ein Esel bin.

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the f*** is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
F****** right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is.
Why the f*** would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I
paid to come to the cinema and stare at the f****** floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the f***?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f****** does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Knobhead?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image
I really didn't need.

13. Macdonald's staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....It's has to be a Mcchicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank
looks...........Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you McTosser.


14. When you involved in an accident and someone asks 'are you all right?'. Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.

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1. Get 24 boxes of condoms &randomly put them in people's carts
when
they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5 minute
intervals.

3 . Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest
rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
"Code 3
in housewares," and see what happens.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on
lay-away.

6. Move a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask "Why can't you people just leave me alone? "

9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME! PICK ME!" " PICK ME... PICK ME!!!

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal
position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!"

And last but not least:

15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly "There's no toilet paper in here".

20 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

1. Make racecar noises when people get on and off.





2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.





3. Grimace painfully while slapping your forehead and muttering, "Shut up dammit, all of you just SHUT UP!"





4. Whistle the first 7 notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.





5. Sell Girl Scout Cookies.





6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.





7. Shave.





8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask, "Got enough air in there?"





9. Offer nametags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.





10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.





11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.





12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper, "Ever had a Wet Willy?"





13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral."





14. One word: Flatulence!





15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.





16. Do Tai Chi exercises.





17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on."





18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"





19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.





20. Burp, then say, "Mmmmm..... tasty!"




This is Noodle AKA[rubber duckie]