[If you had me alone, locked up in your room for 24 hours, and I had to do whatever you wanted me to do, what would you do with me?]

All you want to know.. is just a question away...
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I close my eyes
Rope in my hand
And make my way
To the barn

I tie the rope
On a hook on the ceiling
Then climb upon
A few bales of hay
High up

I squeeze my eyes shut
And let the bales fall
I hang for a while
Then see a figure

"Sleep my dear,
It's time to part
Sleep my dear,
Forever..."

I open my eyes
With such struggle and hear:
"Don't fear me, child.
Don't fear I the Reaper..."

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run...
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I envy your demise,
I hope it's all you dreamed it would be.
One bullet in this gun,
Not sure if it's for you or me.
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To me the world is a house
Where I searched for knowledge everywhere
I loved to wander under many skies
Gethering up each piece of thought
In diverse fruit that furnish
The nourishment of my philosophy
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Life always comes to an end
There is no need to Submit
If my life means submission
I do not need that life
It can rain drops of gold
Then I say to the sky...

I do not need the rain
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My hands keep running
over stretches of skin
that feel foreign
to the touch.
New exposures
of the sharp
perfection
of bone over softness
multiply daily.
But questions
and looks of concern
are easily quieted now
because too much
is still
ten pounds
of controlled compulsion
away.
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There's some nights I know,
though try as I might,
it will always hurt to die alone.
-Every night-
Something in me realizes
that this pain is not worth the fight.
I've lost this match
why try again?
-Imagine-
my heart gives up
my pulse gives in
Its so much easier to end it all
than to pick up and struggle
I'll never recover
what I've lost
and I fear I've lost it all
Crying myself to sleep for you-
as though we were never in love at all.
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They Both Knew
Brought to the knees of confession
Wrapped in the robes of silhouettes of conquered nightmares
He stood there, with her conscious in his hands
He watched her sleeping form at dusk
In the twilights crystal glow he would stay
He knew she deserved her own truth
But giving back her conscious was not an option
She stirred as she woke
Only to see his tear-stained face
As he let her crawl from his warmth
She knew she wanted to leave
But he was the only one that held the key to her retreat
Tasting her disapproval through her words
He loosened his hold on her heart
But as soon as he realized he had let go… she was gone.
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You called me beautiful-
You still do every now and then.
But it's all based
on this lying face.
She smiles for you-
the only way to get through the day.
Did you know
that's the only part of me
you've ever seen?
You wouldn’t think my wrists
were as pretty.
Of course you wouldn’t.
You'd probably like it
if I just stayed silent.
You watched me crying that day.
Staring
asking what was wrong.
I say as I always do
"Nothings wrong, I'm fine."
While inside I'm screaming
"EVERYTHING!"
Walking away
thinking to myself
that’s it, I cant take it anymore.
You're so blind, you can't see inside me
if you tried.
Maybe you can't understand me because
you won't.
who wants to waste their time
on a broken little girl?
You called me beautiful-
You still do every now and then.
But it's all based
on this lying face.
She smiles for you-
the only way to get through the day.
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If you bothered reading this far down, you misinterpreted everything.
I can assure you.
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so much me
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R.I.P
Sgt. Joshua Andrew Ford
7-31-06
Gone from our sight, not from our hearts...