DO NOT MESSAGE ME SAYING JUST HI OR HEY SEXI...ANYTHING DOING WITH BORING SUBJECTS OR OF HOW YOUR PENIS THINKS I LOOK WILL BE IGNORED AND DELETED! PLEASE MAKE SOMETHING INTERESTING TO SAY...


  Well...Aubrey is all I am, and all I'll ever be...this is all I have...just a name. And to some...I'm just a face without a name. I don't know who I am, or what I'll be. I dont know what im going to do anymore...my worlds a blur, but right now...this blur is taking me to new and better places, places that id never have dreamed of going, all cuz of one person, someone so different that it turned everything upside down, and now im just so happy that when it ends i dont know what i'll do...hopefully things will be so much more different by then! I need new friends...or atleast more, i realized i had no life outside of emily! she left for a simple 8 days and i felt so lost! i had nothing to do and no one to hang out with! so i must start a new adventure and meet new ppl...dont worry i wont forget ANYONE!!!
  Everywhere i turn theres drama drama drama...but of course...this damned town that i call home is none other than gossip city usa...sometimes ill cause it...just because i do...because im so stubborn and blunt...im not afraid to speak my mind...usually...i hate having to tell ppl whats the matter when nothing really ever is...well ok theres always sumthin the matter, but when ppl think i look sad im usually just bored...simple as that... Im usually a very friendly and outgoing person, and i have many things to bitch about like every one else...but if you piss me off...i will end up going off...but first ill bottle it for a couple days...maybe i wont even say anything just cuz i hate confrontation. Im not very ambitious...unless sumthin interests me greatly...i enjoy a challenge...but too much tryin will bring you complete BULLSHIT! Well...thats me for you...sweet lil ol me...


..::--Fucked up crazy shit...call it poetry if you'd like--::..


-sound the bugle now
play it just for me
as the seasons change
remember how i used to be
now i cant go home
i cant even start
i got nothin left
just an empty heart
im soldier
wounded so i must give up the fight
theres nothing more for me
just lead me away
or leave me lyin here
sound the bugle now
tell them i dont care
theres not a road i know
that leads to anywhere
without a light
i fear i will stumble in the dark
lay right down and decide not to go on
then from on high
sumwhere in the distance
theres a voice that calls
remember who u are
if u lose urself
ur courage soon will follow
so be strong tonight
and remember who u are
ur a soldier now
fighting in a battle
to be free once more
yeah thats worth fighting for


~*~To those who are going to fight in iraq...dont give up hope, just keep fighting, and come back home to us~*~


-You ask me my age,
I ask your opinion on what age I am,
You gave me an answer,
I gave you my definition of age itself,
I said each year of a persons life they experience different things
Good and bad,
Just because a person is older doesn't mean their more mature
to a certain extent,
I feel if you find out my age you’ll classify me,
You'll rate my level of maturity and my ability to think,
And find you want nothing to do with me,
Then one day you think of me but your mind blocks your
feelings and all you think is she is only #,
A chance will be destroyed,
A future friend will be lost,
You ask me my age
I ask you weather you want me here or not...


-you cant take me
gotta fight another fight
gotta run another night
gotta get up and check it out
im on my way and it dont feel right
i gotta get me back
i cant be beat and thats a fact
its ok, ill find a way, it aint gunna take me down
no way
dont judge a thing untill u know whats inside it
dont push me ill fight it
never gunna get it
never gunna give it up
no
if you cant catch a wave then ur never gunna ride it
u cant come uninvited
never gunna get it
never gunna give it up
no
u cant take me
im free
why did it all go wrong
i wanna know whats goin on
whats this holdin me
im not where im sposed to be
ive gotta fight another fight
ive gotta fight with all my might
im gettin out
so check it out
ur in my way and u better watch out
u cant take me
im free

-i cant beleive this moments come
its so incredible that were alone
theres so much to be said and done
its impossible to be over come
will u fogive me if i feel this way
cuz we just met tell me thats ok
so take this feelin
make it grow
never let it
never let it go
dont let go
u keep me safer than i can beleive in
dont let go of this moment in time
dont let go
i cant explain the things that im feeling
no i wont let go
now would u mind if u bore my soul
if i came right out and said ur beautiful
cuz theres sumthin here i cant explain
i feel im diving into drivin rain
get my senses runnin wild
i cant resist ur sweet sweet simle
so take this feelin and let it grow
and never let it
never let it go
ive been waitin all my life
make this moment feel so right
the feel of u just fills the night
come on just hold on tight
dont let go
u kept me safer than i can beleive in
no dont let go of this moment in time
dont let go
i cant explain the things that im feeling
no i wont let go

-Here i am
this is me
theres no where else
on earth id rather be
here i am
just me and u
tonight we make
our dreams come true
its a new world
its a new start
its a life
with the beating
of young hearts
its a new day
its a new plan
ive been waitng for u
here i am
yeah
here i am
here we are
we've just begun
and after all this time
our time has come
yeah here we are
still goin strong
right here in the place we belong
ive been waitng for u
here i am
waiting for you
Here i am
this is me
theres no where else
on earth id rather be
here i am

-Long lost words whisper slowly to me
Still can't find what keeps me here
When all this time I've been so hollow inside
I know you're still there
Watching me, wanting me
I can feel you pull me down
Fearing you loving you
I won't let you pull me down
Hunting you I can smell you - alive
Your heart pounding in my head
Watching me, wanting me
I can feel you pull me down
Saving me, raping me, watching me
Watching me, wanting me
I can feel you pull me down
Fearing you... loving you
I won't let you pull me down

-Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights
Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming
The goddess of imaginary light
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me
I linger in the doorway
Of alarm clock screaming
Monsters calling my name
Let me stay
Where the wind will whisper to me
Where the raindrops
As they're falling tell a story
If you need to leave the world you live in
Lay your head down and stay awhile
Though you may not remember dreaming
Something waits for you to breathe again

-perfect by nature
icons of self indulgence
just what we all need
more lies about a world that
never was and never will be
have you no shame don't you see me
you know you've got everybody fooled
look here she comes now
bow down and stare in wonder
oh how we love you
no flaws when you're pretending
but now i know she
without the mask where will you hide
can't find yourself lost in your lie
i know the truth now
i know who you are
and i don't love you anymore
it never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled
it never was and never will be
you're not real and you can't save me
somehow now you're everybody's fool

-Now I will tell you what I've done for you
50 thousand tears I've cried
Screaming Deceiving and Bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me
(I’m going under)
Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom
I'm dying again
I'm going under
Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through
I'm going under
Blurring and Stirring the truth and the lies
So I don't know what's real and what's not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore
I'm dying again
So go on and scream
Scream at me I'm so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe I can't keep going under

-playground school bell rings again
rain clouds come to play again
has no one told you she's not breathing?
hello i'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
hello
if i smile and don't believe
soon i know i'll wake from this dream
don't try to fix me i'm not broken
hello i'm the lie living for you so you can hide
don't cry
suddenly i know i'm not sleeping
hello i'm still here
all that's left of yesterday

-hold on to me love
you know i can't stay long
all i wanted to say was i love you and i'm not afraid
can you hear me?
can you feel me in your arms?
holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight
i'll miss the winter
a world of fragile things
look for me in the white forest
hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
i know you hear me
i can taste it in your tears
closing your eyes to disappear
you pray your dreams will leave you here
but still you wake and know the truth
no one's there
say goodnight
don't be afraid
calling me calling me as you fade to black

-catch me as I fall
Say you're here and it's all over now
Speaking to the atmosphere
No one's here and I fall into myself
This truth drives me
Into madness
I know I can stop the pain
If I will it all away
Don't turn away
Don't give in to the pain
Don't try to hide
Though they're screaming your name
Don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
Don't turn out the light
Never sleep never die
I'm frightened by what I see
But somehow I know
That there's much more to come
Immobilized by my fear
And soon to be
Blinded by tears
I can stop the pain
If I will it all away
Fallen angels at my feet
Whispered voices at my ear
Death before my eyes
Lying next to me I fear
She beckons me
Shall I give in
Upon my end shall I begin
Forsaking all I've fallen for
I rise to meet the end

-I took their smiles and I made them mine.
I sold my soul just to hide the light.
And now I see what I really am,
A thief a whore, and a liar.
I run to you,
Call out your name,
I see you there, farther away.
Im numb to you - numb and deaf and blind.
You give me all but the reason why.
I reach but I feel only air at night.
Not you, not love, just nothing.
I run to you,
Call out your name,
I see you there, farther away.
Try to forget you,
But without you I feel nothing.
Don't leave me here, by myself.
I can't breathe.
I run to you,
Call out your name,
I see you there, farther away
I run to you,
Call out your name,
I see you there, farther away
Farther away

-This emptiness
where does it come from?
the loneliness
will it never go away?
cant i ever fix
or make things the right way?
my body screams
with my never showing pain
always pushing
a never endless strain
lord forbid
should i ever be happy
just end it now
down the road
and across the street
no more pain or confusion
am i forced to see
no longer fake and unsure
am i forced to be
no more anger and lust
or laughter and tears
at last the Angel has come
after every suffering year

-The anger
The nervouseness
gliding slowly, smoothly
as it cuts
deeper,
deeper,
through skin
muscle
down to the bone
black blood spills
pours, drains
seeps down my arm
bleed
my sins will bleed out
through my body
my soul cleanses itself
of this dirty wreck
pieces of broken heart
fight to escape
my body a useless vessel
my mind telling me to
CUT
Saw
BLEED
sweet bliss
when i no longer see
that burning image of you
delicious death
all i think is
delightful death
as i lay and
BLEED
mind black
the dark angel of death
relief


..::--Things that run thru my mind--::..

WORD ASSOCIATION
Slippers:: Runnin around naked on a cold floor
Hat:: rabbit
Hard:: hehe
Free:: porn?
Space:: moooon
Taste:: sour
Good charlotte:: BENJI
Red:: BLOOD
Deep:: seeeeeaaaaaa
Heart:: love
Cord:: e flat
Cheese:: squishy
Rain:: dance naked
Work:: boring
Pedal:: bike
Head:: teehee
Bed:: ZzZzZ
Fluff:: YAY!
Hardcore:: ouch
Race:: i win
Knife:: FUN
Jump:: high

I....
am:: unknown
want:: to be free
need:: you
crave:: satisfaction
love:: my closest possesions- yes that includes people
hate:: cheating, and backstabbing
did:: it...all of it! its all my FAULT!!
feel:: confused, frustrated, happy, false love
miss:: being innocent
am annoyed by:: idiotic people
would rather:: die
am tired of:: rumors, and complete bullshit
will always:: what ive done