WELCOME TO MY MIND, LEAVE YOUR BULLSHIT AT THE DOOR.

---

---

FALLING AGAIN

Like waves crashing along the ocean shore,
you don't notice me, always coming back for more.
Unconsciously you break my heart and make me crawl away
Like a reject, over and over again i find myself falling for dismay.
My river wont stop flowing,
and its going nowhere fast,
back wards against the wind,
Stirring up my past.
I cant make it stop,
and no way in hell I'm trying.
To cover it up,
I'll never stop lying.
And when I fear my river has dried,
I will find a new batch of tears,
and promise you I haven't cried.

---

GOODBYE

I let your gaze possess me as
As I take that final step
It's funny how you don't seem to care
Until the end comes near
But all your smile brings me
Is my final breath of air
As I seep through the shadows
Of undying despair
The stakes are rising high
And I can't help but ponder
If life would be better
Within eternal slumber
If memories were gone
And love was undefined
How splendid life would be
Without knowing your
Not by my side
I'm glad you told me
It's critical that I know
And when I jump off that bridge
That's when I'll let you go

---

IN A CEMETARY

And when you thought you could count on them
they turn their backs and hide
sure, they will lend a helping hand
and watch you die
I'll admit it now and deny you later
I'm nothing to you
i can finally taste
your bitter flavor
like a crow in a cemetery
all you do is bring bad luck
to whats already dead
its finally time for me
to push myself ahead
tick, tock, you're out of time
what a waste of 6 months of my life
so pack your bags and walk away
theres nothing more to see
just a little blood
from a broken heart left to leak

---

STUCK


When i look through my eyes
into a mirror a-b-o-v-e
and see nothing but an ugly girl
u-n-l-o-v-e-d
i want to be outside
i want to be out there
but im stuck
here
inside a l.o.o.k.i.n.g. g.l.a.s.s.
in a f.o.r.t.u.n.e. t.e.l.l.e.r.s. b.a.l.l.
like a genie in a lamp
that will never be r-u-b-b-e-d
with tears that hide behind
drama stage curtains
with emptyness that resides
in laughter
scars so deep
they disappear
like a bike
that cant make it
over a ramp
a flower
that never quite b-l-o-o-m-e-d
a bunch of random lines
spell out my l.i.f.e.
and a couple
random cuts
spell out my fight

---

CHRONIC DEPRESSION

Inside shes dying alone
soundless, you've never known
somewhere in the background
glass shatters and hits the floor
she sings a sad song
louder, and no more
there goes her heart again
and the rains pouring down
lightening bright and crimson red
she dies without a fight
silence shakes the ground
and clouds begin to fall
shes losing her mind again

---

SECRET HER

All the things I let slip away
And now I've lost you too.
Of all the things I've let fall in dismay
The thing I miss most is you.

Deadly silence and a sharp razor blade,
I could end this right now,
It takes courage to live and strength to grow.
And if i died right now,
I wouldn't let you know.

You can't see death in her eyes,
'Cause it's lost in her pride.
Insecurities of her life,
She wants to be someone else.

Pink toe nails and blond hair,
A pretty picture that isn't there.
Parents smiling and a Christmas tree,
A sight that's there,
A sight you don't see.

Sweet smell of a rope hanging there,
An adrenaline rush I cannot bear.
Now you're gone and I will be soon,
You said you were thinking of me,
Well guess what?
I'm thinking of you too.

---

JUST SOMETHING LATE AT NIGHT TO GET SOME FEELINGS OUT

Suicide Flows off My paper
unto real life
the words seem to disappear
and come true
the silly rhymes from my mind
are making their way to the stage
Life swallows me whole
With just one blade the curtain falls
I think im dying again

-

Alone, Without a Trace
Her Undying love for you
Splits the storms
And they collide
Lightening strikes and
Secret silence breaks
The bitter bonds of life
Mountains Collapse
And rivers stop
As her steady heart beat
Slowly comes apart
You don’t love her anymore
She hangs up the phone
Her book ends
And Mondays gone
Dying in an unfinished chapter

PS. The End.

---

UNTITLED

One great line
In one great movie
To make one great kid
End one great story
I don’t love you anymore
Are the greatest words you can say
Secretly you ruined my life
But, Hey!
Were still friends
Forever, until the end
Unfortunately so
That end might come soon
Because one of us is dying tonight...
One hint: it’s not you.

---

DEADLY ADDICTION

As I drift
Silently to sleep
I've finally realized
Your a promise i cannot keep

Feelings like this
Secret, Sweet, With you, Bliss
Yearning for completion
I hope that she
Is my only competition

You keep me flying
You keep me high
I would crash
Without you right beside

I need you with me
I have to let you go
Sooner or later
The real you will show

You know you love her
Don't tell me any different
She is your
Deadly Addiction
Through and Through
You are mine
And it escalates
Way to fast in
Such a small amount of time

I love you
It's my downfall
And its hard
To keep it hidden

You told me you loved me
You finally admit it
Everything feels the same
Would I have been better
If you hadn't said it?

---

WHEN TIME EXPIRES

When time expires
My heart slows
Blood drips
Stained clothes
Tears so dry
And nothing passes
Through my eyes
The worlds a blur
Through my glasses
It's spinning
So fast around me
Everyones so perfect
Just the way god
Made them be
Society swallows
And the pretty girls win
It's all to much
We need an end
Think of all
The little things
Little smiles
Our angel-friends bring
Just a little
Thread of hope
A spot of sunshine
To help us cope
When time expires
She will have your wings
But shes only a friend
She will be right there
When god burns through
In all his glory
You will see the truth
A white light
And a sudden end
Goodbye my love
Goodbye my friend

---

HER HAPPY ENDING

Theres a girl
Hidden below
Sulking in a window
Against the moons glow
Stuck like glue
Love so bear
She's the right one for you
She's always been there
She was there when you smiled
There when you cried
There even after
You said goodbye
Girls came and girls went
Some you broke, some left
Some lied
Some cheated
Broke your heart
But this one will be there
From ending to start
Distractions have come
Turned you away
Life is like a boat
Easily swayed
She's starting to give up
The transaction is pending
I guess you won't be
Her long-awaited happy ending

---

MY HEART

It's Starting, It's happening
I have to admit
I’m quite scared
The sun has blown
My life is gone
The stars have disappeared

Letting go, You lost me
I'm never coming back
Don't take this seriously
It's a full blown attack

My pulse is stopping
It's all your fault
Only you, held the key to unlock the vault
Containing my only possession
My heart

---

THE FAITH I WISH I HAD

God, I'm here
I'm not leaving, that's a swear
I made a friend
Now he's gone
With the heart, I wish you'd spare

I'm that girl with
Curly brown hair
Deep blue eyes
The ugly one you placed here
That can't say goodbye
With a heart that shines,
A spirit that flies
When my world crumbles down around me
God, I'm yours to call 'Mine'

I've felt the lowest of the low
It feels like rock bottom
Even attempted suicide
Didn't resolve my problems
Now it feels, I'm crashing
It’s getting hard to hide
Of all my sins, for this
Please forgive, I finally give up
Done, finished, I've put down the gun
God, I'm here, I'm yours to spare

Wrap your arms around me
Show me that your there
Let me feel like everything's okay
And life is actually something I can bare
I'm tired of this fight
Fill me with hope
Show me the light
And when my worlds crumbling down around me
Maybe, Just maybe, I'll be alright.

---

SHRINK

Clouds with blue skies and
A smile that glows
Happiness that hides
Sorrow that Flows
When your down
Hide that frown
Take my hand
Follow my soul
I'll take you to a place
I promise you'll feel whole
Where the cherries bloom
And the roses blossom
And all the people hide
Behind masks of mass destruction
Rivers flow freely
In endless lakes
All the cherries are dead
And the roses, fake

---

MY FIRST POEM WITH AN ACTUAL "LAYOUT"
WAITING FOR THE RAIN

When your life has no sunshine,
and its tearing you apart.
When theres no water to
keep your flowers blooming,
and all you feel is pain.
You sit there alone,
waiting for the rain.

When the wind has turned against you,
and the tide is overwhelming.
When the sea is rising above you,
weak, you cant stand,
and your whole body feels slain.
Unable to move, you stay,
waiting for the rain.

When you can't find the meaning,
and the cuts are getting deeper.
When you can't fight the feelings
of a broken heart,
and depression is all you gain.
Bleeding, you hide,
waiting for the rain.




[A when
B and
C when
D ?
E and
F ?
E waiting for the rain]

---

POEM FOR MY COUSIN MELISSA AND HER UNBORN BABY

A new baby boy,
A blessed joy.
An addition to your life,
Now you're a mother, and a wife.

Another hand to hold,
A mouth to feed,
More laundry to do,
Toys to clean.

Dirt and Grime,
The road ahead is tough.
Teenage years will always be rough.
Nothings perfect, as you can tell,
But raise him right, and he'll excell.

A baby boy
Someone new
Another second cousin
Too add to the stew

Lifes to short,
To let this pass you up.
Record, take pictures,
You can never have enough.

Love him right,
There will never be another.
And in the end you will know,
That you have been a good mother.

---

Thank you

When life was at its lowest,
and I was at my slowest,
When my heart was distraught, and I missed him so
a new side of you, to me, you showed.
You came, you conquered, I smiled,
no matter how long, forever or a little while
I love you and I want you to stay,
To fight the bad and get rid of the rain
I love you so much and I can't even explain
I dont know if i see you lasting
And if you don't, thank you for helping me regain
The strength to keep searching for my happy ending.

---

Lie to me.

The sun has gone and I'm all alone
The moons shining through my window
All the ugly is masked away and
My blood is so pretty tonight

I watch it collide and drip down my arm
In one beautiful red streak
The cuts are deepest on the heart
But don't worry, I don't feel a thing.

Silver, slick, and sharp
My blade of life will make everything
Just a little better as my liquid of death
makes it's way to the surface once again

The skys are so blue
The grass, so fuckin green
I'm wasting my mascara on tears
That shouldn't ever have to be shed

I knew I should have just walked away
When I was happy, but now it's to late
Depression has settled in again
And I fear, this time, it's here to stay.

---

My secrets are my sanity.

Say goodbye to her pretty eyes,
the smile that lied,
and the gun triggered to abide.
You were the rope in
a goodbye note to my darling suicide.

You dont know it but,
you saved her from herself,
over and over again.
"Lets just be friends,
it will be worth it in the end."

Watch that candle slowly burn away
in her dim lighted corner.
Her tears swept away,
one blow to the brain,
and everythings finally calm.
She's finally sane.

---

Death.

Slit my wrists and be my valentine,
Poison kiss me goodnight.
My life as I know it is
disappearing, and I cant help but miss it.

The moons not shining,
Tonight I'm all alone.
With no one to pull the trigger and,
Only me to load the gun.

Death is the lyrics to ,
My never ending pain,
Such a beautiful song,
Gone to waste.

Come back and break my heart,
One last time,
So I can have a recent reason,
To finally end my life.

---

Moving on...

Passion in every step you made,
To an empty awaited end.
A puppet in this world...
You cut every string but one.
Dangling unknown, they left you,
Thrown in, were more obstacles.
As your thread of hope got,
Just a little thinner.
One last breakdown to
Help you end it all.
The guns broken and you're moving on.
Lovely survived such a beautiful fall.
At the bottom of the pit,
Take the next turn fast,
After that, after all,
Theres nothing left.
So take the risk and prepare to fall.
Maybe lifes turning the tables new,
Maybe this is the final drop that
Will loose you.
What's left to go but a little pride,
And your broken heart.
When lifes getting dull and
All you feel is empty,
Then pick yourself up and
Walk straight into another tragedy.

---

My Best Friend

This is the goodbye of a lifetime
So sink your teeth in
And grip on tight
Don't let yourself miss this
Cold goodbye tonight
If I could, I would
Go back and change everything
I am, and everything I've done
Just for the chance to save you
My number one
With you by my side, I was living
In serenity, life was the tour
You were my guide
Now all I do is mask myself
I hide,
Life without you is none at all
You're playing her game, shes winning
My heart hopes you're
Truely happy now, hello,
Goodbye.

---

Just a lost cause

Waiting for nothing,
As you walk away again.
Another one goes by,
It's just another sunset,
An endless journey to the
Heart of the beast.
A cascade of nothingness,
You're my secret suicide,
You were my thread of hope,
That you so carelessly cut.
Waiting for everything that,
Will ever come from this cloud,
With silver lining,
With rainstorms held within.
Waiting for the day that I will
Finally give up on you.
The day my life will change,
Only in the horizon I see,
Everything being the same.

---

RE: What you wrote (You know who you are)

July isn't over
Will we make it August?
Without you, I'm nothing,
I'm lost.
I mask it over,
With a razor blade and
I'm happy.
Happy, Fake
Without you, I'm losing myself
No one can help me
Relocate me, I'm gone.
It's rediculous how
Bad I need a friend like you,
How bad I need you.
How I hear your name in,
Every step I make and in,
Every breath I take,
And every tear silently screams,
You.

---

Today

I'm done with you.
I'm done with waiting for every
Flower to bloom and every
Frown to turn.
Every bad situation to
Make it's way back around.
I'm exhausted of wanting to
Die inside,
And the energry it takes to just,
wake up,
And wear the smile,
Covering my frown.
I'm tired of all my poetry
Sounding the same.
The same old death wish and
The "I miss you".
I write what I feel, not what I am.
There will never be another chance,
For you to come back,
And read between the lines.
One day it will be just,
A little too late,
Wake up, todays the date.

---

Just one for the road...( a sad attempt to stray from poetry)

{verse 1}

So lost in life and every
road I take is a dead end
I need to let you go
The only safe place is
Solitude, my own
In my mind I'm all alone
And that's how it's supposed to be

{chorus 1}

How would you feel if I said
This was really goodbye
And I was gunna end it all?
Would you shed a tear?
Would you catch my fall?
Or would you conveinently
Be just a couple seconds late?

{chorus 2}

Just one for the road of life
I'm taking the fork away from you
To the bottom of the ocean and back
You don't care about me x2

{chorus 1}

How would you feel if I said
This was really goodbye
And I was gunna end it all?
Would you shed a tear?
Would you catch my fall?
Or would you conveinently
Be just a couple seconds late?

{Verse 2}

Slipping I lost you
We'll never be together
It will never be forever
Like it used to
Open your eyes and see
Whats been thrown behind you

{chorus 2}

Just one for the road of life
I'm taking the fork away from you
To the bottom of the ocean and back
You don't care about me

{chorus 1 x2}

How would you feel if I said
This was really goodbye
And I was gunna end it all?
Would you shed a tear?
Would you catch my fall?
Or would you conveinently
Be just a couple seconds late?

---

---

[#]

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[x.shattered hope.Xx]