Black Coffee Blues

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Page name: Black Coffee Blues [Exported view] [RSS]

2006-01-29 10:56:48

Last author: Raiff
Owner: Raiff

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Black Coffee Blues by the the great Henry Rollins

Depression is with me. I am depression. My soul, a steel plate in my head. A trap door. A drain... Yes, its like im being drained by a huge leech. Rotten parasite, constant companion, along for the ride dragging myself through myself. How long will this one last?
When will it release me from its grip? I dont know. i am convinced it has nothing to do with me. I avoid people when im like this. They always make me feel worse. They look at me and ask what the problem is. My first impulse is to hit the poerson. I feel my throat tighten. I choke myself. Punishement for being alive.
Theres a dark cloud that hangs over me. I cant get to it. I am not feeling aorry for myself. I know there are people that go throught this all their lives. I am a product of depression. It is the driving force in my life. I am not creative or smart. I think about killing myself all the time, like a lot of people. Sometimes it makes so much sense that its all i can do to hang on in there until the cloud passes. At the time it makes pure logical sense, thats when i rebel against myself and hang on.
I torture myself with life. i exercise my body merely to taunt it, to cause it pain and make it hurt. to make it scream. I am a monster. I dont understand. Too many things cause me pain. I want to get lost. I want to escape myself. I dont want to battle my mind again. The last time was too heavy. I lost.

Depression Diary

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