2006-09-11 [Torchwood]: what do you mean by interesting? (and i meant stopping - I know people who don't even want to try to stop)

2006-09-11 [Eloura]: *she watches them continue there talk*

2006-09-12 [T_Pop]: um... the dictionary defines interesting better then i could lmao

2006-09-12 [Torchwood]: haha thats not what I meant! I could go check out the dictionary if i wanted the definition! I guess I meant... interesting isn't the owrd i would use, because there is nothing interesting about it. It's simple. I think I thought you meant what's the appeal? If that makes any sence? HAHA oh dear..

2006-09-15 [T_Pop]: do wha?? now i'm confused... i'll have to start from the begining then...

...

...

Hi I'm T_Pop lol

2006-09-15 [Torchwood]: hehe HELLO!
:D

2006-09-15 [Eloura]: HELLO!

2006-09-15 [let.it.bleed]: its not interesting.. the point of doing it is because the pain you feel makes u forget everything else goin wrong in your life at that point and it just feels better then be depressed i guess... but im not even depressed anymore even tho i think i might be bipolar cuz my mood changes a lot up and down like a rollercoaster... one minute im happy the nexy ill be all depressed :S

2006-09-16 [T_Pop]: hhmmm... i, guess thats true that it MIGHT help... but to tell the truth i still don't get it. i guess i deal with my depresion differently then others (wich might explain why i'm so messed up) see i don't hurt myself or others (for i find i feal bad latter on) no, when i'm depressed i fall back into my mind. the thing is that i've gotten so used to it that my body will continue to function on varios tasks while i'm doing it so hardly anyone can tell when i'm doing it any more. the problem with this is that at times i miss something in reality (like in school or in conversations) and i whind up in truble... another problem with it is that my mind as gotten so used to makeing the "worlds" i fall back into so realistic that at times i can nither distiguish from the two, nor tell if my memories are dreams or real. the final problem is that sense the "worlds" in my head are so real everything from phisics, personalitys of the people in it, and even pain itself are all in it. so at times i find that i get depressed in my dreams along with reality lmao (thats one of the big reasons why i'm so messed up) ^_^

2007-07-18 [Eloura]: *walks in * Is anyone here?

2007-09-15 [Danboo]: i am

2007-09-17 [Eloura]: Hi.

2007-09-18 [Danboo]: hey

2007-09-18 [Eloura]: Hi

2007-09-18 [Danboo]: how are you

2007-09-19 [Eloura]: alive.

2007-09-21 [Danboo]: same, unfortunately

2007-09-21 [Eloura]: sadly it's agreed..

2007-09-29 [Danboo]: though it not from the lack of try

2007-10-01 [Eloura]: Aye....

2007-11-12 [BarleySinger]: I am tired of being in constant physical pain with no end in sight, and nothing else likely to happen other than a long and lingering very isolated existence in slowly increasing pain as I age. If it was not for the fact that my wife and child need me to stay alive, I would top myself. I am tired of the pain and exhaustion and isolation.

These days when I go to the dentist (my teeth are now also rotting) I can't use the shots (local anaesthesia) any more as they make me very ill and they do not work at all anyway..so I have to get it all done without any pain control. Just lie back in the dentist chair and try and "go away" mentally. And yes, it does hurt.  I was in untreated pain for too long and have "central sensitisation" now. Everything hurts. Breathing hurts. A couple of weeks ago I had a "pulpation" done, which is the first and rather nasty part of a root canal where they run a metal rod through the center of the living tooth and kill the nerve...all done without anaesthesia. FUn fun fun. I used to have friends (sort of) and I was a musician with fans, and had a good career in computer (top of my field). Now all I can do is drag my body around to fix a bit of food for the family, do a bit of house work as I can, and try to hope that some day it will be better. I do not believe that it honestly will better any more. Just more pain. My only remaining goal in life, other than keeping my wife alive is to get my daughter to adulthood as a healthy human being who knows that she is loved. It is hard to do that when you can't even manage to play with your kid, and she has no friends because OUR illness isolates her from the world as well.