_{Letters to Strangers}

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Please take me back.
But not in the conventional sense.

Please take me back.
Please take me back four or five weeks ago
when I woke up in your arms and I could breathe. When I could slip into something scanty and understand that nothing would come of it because we were so comfortable, the three of us, and I was actually so at ease with the world that I could handle myself.
Please. Please take me back.

What did I do to warrant this?
What did I do to warrant the terror, the blame, the nightmares, the sleepwalking, the stress? What did I do to warrant the insomnia, the ragged vocal chords, the dark circles under my eyes every fucking morning?
Please take me back.

I miss it.
I miss sleeping in the aura of your comfort, feeling the breath of your steady world against my neck. I miss sleeping through the night. I miss waking up to you. The world is out to get me and you're too far away. The world is out to get me and you're irritated because I can do nothing about it, and you're so tired of me speaking figuratively and all of the terrible comments I make to make it seem better for me, when in reality it's what's on my mind and we both know it because it's all happening again, and I don't want you to see it. I don't want you to hear me crying on the phone, I don't want you to have to worry like I know you do.
Please take me back. It's only a few weeks. Please take me back where I was happy. I can't even remember what it feels like.
Please take me back... What did I do to warrant this?

I am tired of having to bite my lip so frequently. I am tired of the fervent urge to cry, the inability to communicate because I am so far gone already. Three weeks, three weeks home is all it takes, and I am already four days without sleep, five weeks without you, and what seems like an eternity already unhappy. Please take me back. I miss not missing you.

I miss having you there.
I know you are, but the phone doesn't even compare to your touch, to the arm around my waist, to warmth on my cheek when I wake up in the middle of the night. I cannot handle this. What did I do to warrant this? Please take me back.