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Northumbria Uni 2

Big Steph, Big Emma, Ian & Lil Emma

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Key for Lecturers
Avram Taylor = History Lecturer
Joe Street = US History

Stine (pronounced Stina) = The Norwegian student

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Ian If I opened my legs a bit more you'd fall out


Ian At least it's gone down not up


Ian I'm playing with my furry bits


Lil Emma It was a medium sized, fuck off big spider


John Most people call it a tripod, but all I think of when they say that, is a well endowed midget


Avram Taylor *reading a quote* "We're going to eat this cock for dinner"


John You need to come over for a cocktail party
Stine Is it one of Avram's cocks?


Stine *doodling whilst talking about Palestine and Israel* It looks like I've been drawing a vagina on my paper...


Joe Street Transport, transplant, transmutate...And all other words beginning with 'Trans'. But not Transvestite


Joe Street I've been told that my lectures are very masculine. I used to think this was a compliment on my manlyness. Apparently it's actually a criticism, so I'm going to have a section women. Just for a bit of window dressing because, of course, I am a sexist pig.


Annelise *walks into seminar* There's no need to look so scared!
James Sorry it was just...*gestures* the hair
Annelise What's wrong with my hair? It's just curly
James Oh, I thought it was just windswept...


Annelise That sounds so blonde I should just dye my hair now


Lil Emma *about Big Emma after she was pissing about and hit her head* It's cos she was flying away like a crab


Big Steph *indignant* You can poke without touching, okay?


Big Emma *THAT grin of hers* Mine's bigger than yours


Lil Emma It's why I'm on the bus with nothing on...Well not nothing...


Lil Emma Get Lil Steph to try it. If she gets an erection....Use it!


Annelise I don't like crisps...I like Pringles
John They ARE crisps


Stine When do you think I'll get my money back?
Lil Emma Well you could always just go in, when you've got your bump, and say "I'm not leaving til I get my money, I'll stand here 'til it pops!"


Big Emma Have you caught Welsh?


Ian I see men and judge on the basis of 'Would I do that?'


Big Emma *to Ian* When you tie your hair back like that you look like a slightly camp pirate


Lil Emma It's going in the other end


Ian I heard 'the rat did it'


Lowny Why did Popeye have one massive arm?
Ian It was his wanking arm


Lowny *gasp* Does it taste of pink?


Lil Emma I couldn't squeak cos I was too busy swallowing


Lil Emma I swallowed too much and choked on it


Max It's a game
Richie You're gay!!


Richie There's a fan page for wanking...
Stine Why do you have to prove it? You're a man. Everyone knows!!


Stine I'm not dripping in your bag


Stine Yeah I hate you. Do you want a crisp? They're poisoned


Lil Emma Just how important ARE the food riots?
John Well it was very important to Russia
Lil Emma This is Transformation of BRITAIN John
Leanne Yeah they started eating people...


Stine *opens the newspaper* Help me look for a small naked guy...


Big Steph OW! *Sits rubbing ear*
Everyone What?
Ian She's trying to tune into sky news


*Anneliese walks away*
Richie Good riddance
Anneliese What?
Richie Good riddance
Anneliese What?
Richie BYE!


Ian That's the only reason you liked it. Cos you can pull on my things


Ian My logic is all powerful, it's like The Ring


Richie Come on Emma, can you not fit you thing in your hole?


John What the hell is that? *tries to wipe something white off his hoodie*
Richie I don't wanna know John
John Oh yes, I have an active sex life. With my hoodie


Joe Street Worse than Gordon Ramsey before botox


Joe Street *raving about JFK's 'perfect' hair* Well until it's blown apart when he's assasinated...


Guy who's name I can't remember *about the TATE Modern* I got yelled at for sitting on the artwork! But, I mean, why put it in the middle of the room if it resembles a bench?


Ian *Girls were talking about feminism* Hey do you want me to let my masculine side out
Lil Emma Do you even have a masculine side