ODE TO PIWI HERMAN III

Warning: Some of the writings below may be considered offensive

One bright Wednesday morning, Piwi Herman left his house to go to the woods to meet his chums Richard and Mr. Wiggles, who had recently been released from prison following his incarceration for an act of such gutwrenching pleasure that I shall not tell the reader about it! This is for your own good, but I shall return to this rather erotic subject later.

Hitherto, Mr. Wiggles and Piwi Herman were not well-acquainted, but were introduced thanks to Richard's online dating agency, www. baboonsarelovingit.com. Which, as you may have already guessed, means that Mr. Wiggles was indeed a baboon, wearing a rather charming bowler hat.

They sat down to their meal of radioactive radishes and protein substitutes. "Richard, my duck" exclaimed Piwi, "you are looking spectacularly naked today.""Eeek!" agreed a masturbating Mr. Wiggles. "Put that away" called Piwi to Mr. Wiggles, who was now halfway up a tree. "Eeek!" replied Mr. Wiggles, shortly before nibbling on his hat. "Do not fret, Herman" shrieked Richard, "I will save your boyfriend!". Richard began his acent up the trunk, before Piwi realised that the only one he wanted oral love from was Mr. Wiggles. He produced his large gun and, taking aim at Richard's rump, fired a large blast, blowing him from the tree. Richard's flaccid form flailed about for several seconds, and Richard, with his final breaths, summoned all his remaining strength to utter one last "Aah man, ya Jew" before dropping dead. Piwi was now faced with a crisis he had not experienced since that time with the hooker; bury the corpse, or make sweet love to it? He took the high road and then, as any fictional paedo would, he did both! At the same time? Surely not!

With the wee man now six feet under and Mr. Wiggles spent, Piwi took a wander into the woods. He came across many wondrous things on his travels, including, but not limited to, a group of bisexual slugs all in a ring. Then, as the trees started to thin he saw the sea and thought to himself "Wouldn't it be jolly if I went skinny-dipping?" And he did just that, but not before taking precautions, so as to avoid knocking up another haddock. To do this, he wore on his crotch a small but fierce crustacean named Simon. Simon took it all in his small clicking stride but was rather shocked when, at the sight of a chemical filled salmon from the glens of Scotland, Piwi swam so quickly that he left his crotch behind. Piwi slowly bled to death (or did he?), but the crotch - and Simon - flourished, having many adventures in the local branch of Woolworth's. However, the crotch soon began to pine for Piwi, longingly glancing at the photos it downloaded of him from the Net. Simon was most displeased, and so left the crotch for a curvaceous but clingy limpet named Julie.

So children, never forget; avoid www. baboonsarelovingit.com, do not talk to Richard, and stay away from clingy limpets.