Pornoholic

Many outside of the Christian community do not see a problem with pornographic material. Whether in art, media or literature, pornography, or porno, is often used by professionals in relationship counseling. To most Christians though, porno is a source of sexual impurity and sin. Why do Christians seem to view sexual impurity as being worse than other sins? Does the Bible not essentially tell us that all sins are equal in the eyes of God? When then do Christians condemn sexual impurity so much more? Why is there a stigma that people with pornographic and sexual addictions are worse than liars, hypocrites or slanderers?

And why is it that women with pornography addictions are looked down on so much more then men?

I ask this not out of a feminist mindset, but rather out of despair. Surely I am not the only girl on campus with a porn addiction…am I? And if I am, does that make me a slut? A whore? A failure as a Christian? Am I dirtier than others? More sinful? Am I a harlot? An adulteress? A temptress?

I would like to believe not. My virginity defends me against the accusations of being a slut/whore/harlot/adulteress. What about the accusations of being a dirty, sinful temptress? To those, I don’t know how to answer.

Gender aside, how many people (men, women, professors, students) within this community are currently suffering from this addiction in silence? How many suffer for fear of condemnation from their friends, peers and superiors. Some may even fear expulsion from the community. How many are afraid of the looks, the scoffing, the disgust in the eyes of those around them? How many are silently drowning in despair?

Those who don’t have this addiction may have difficulty understanding how something like watching porn could be addictive. How can something as sadistic as SM, as disturbing as furry fetishes, as dehumanizing as bondage be addictive? How can watching oral sex be a turn on? How can such activities cause arousal?

I don’t know, and I would dare to say that most don’t know either. Most of us don’t understand how something so grotesque can give us pleasure.

But it does, and with time it gets worse.

As with any addiction, it starts to overtake you. You may have started innocently enough; maybe you were curious. Maybe you wanted to open your mind to a new art style. Maybe you were looking for a new way to spice up your romance stories. No matter how it starts, it soon spirals out of control. You want to stop, you try to stop. You don’t want to do this; your mind and heart are screaming and crying for you to stop, you feel guilty, shameful and dirty, and every time your addiction wins, you can feel a piece of your soul dying. Paul nails it perfectly (no pun intended) when he exclaims in Romans 15-19:

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing.”

Day after day, you come before God begging for forgiveness and help, and each day you feel more hopeless than the previous. Each day you feel dirtier than before, sometimes too dirty to com before anyone, let alone God. You start living daily with indescribable guilt and shame. These emotions start to affect your personality, your outlook and your relationships, most notably, your relationship with God. Chances are one of three things will happen: a) you continue the dreadful cycle until you become indifferent to the problem; b) the hopelessness becomes too great and you fall away from God, convinced you are too dirty and sinful, and that God is sick of forgiving you for something you continue to do; or, c) you overcome your addiction.

But how do you overcome an addiction? Support groups are seen as almost a necessity in the process. So why are Christian support groups for porn addicts so few and far between? Why are no PA, Pornaholics Anonymous, running in the churches or within Christian communities? Why isn’t the Christian community trying to help people with this addiction, rather than condemning them?

Yes, you need to acknowledge you have an addiction.
Yes, you need to bring your addiction before God and confess it.
Yes, you need to ask for forgiveness and help from Jesus.
Yes, you need to acknowledge your part in this addiction.

But what next? Where do you go from there? What happens when you relapse? I had been 6 months clean when my relapse occurred. It was sudden, spontaneous and it hit hard. What happened? What sparked my relapse? I thought God had freed me from this bondage so what happened? Am I such a horrible Christian?

While the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak. And that is why Christians need to be able to speak openly about this problem, for both men and women. We need to make an atmosphere here at Redeemer where people can come forward about this addiction and seek supported help. How can addicts gain help when there is no support? How can we get help when we are afraid to come forward about it? If we can’t help within the Christian community, where else are we supposed to look?

When the body of Christ condemns you, how can you not help but feel that Christ, Himself, does as well? 

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