Okay, I understand how scissors beats paper, and I get how rock beats scissors, but how in the hell does paper beat rock? Paper is supposed to magically "wrap around" rock, leaving it immobile? Then why cant paper do this to scissors? In fact, screw scissors! Why cant paper do this to people? Why arent sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating little five-year olds as they attempt to take notes in class? Ill tell you why! Its because paper cant beat anybody! And rock would tear that shit up in about 2 seconds! When I play "Rock, Paper, Scissors," I always choose rock. Then, when someone claims they've beaten me with their paper, I punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Aw, shit! I'm sorry, I thought your paper would protect you!" .............