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These are great!!!

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Dear Santa,

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yer. Yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawn care specialist. How 'bout I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa

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Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

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Dear Santa,

I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really, really want a fire truck this year.
Love,
Joey

Dear Joey,

Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house.
You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.
Santa

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Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,

What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the
baby-sitter? Boy, she's a hottie. He's banging her like a screen door in a
hurricane! Let me get you some LEGOs instead.
Santa

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Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, pony, and a tuba.
Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid 'Francis' nowadays? What a fag name.
Santa

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Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the reindeer fart in my face. You want to be a kiss ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal.
Santa

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Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, o you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,

You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house...
Santa

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Dear Santa,

I really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE Timmy
Timmy,

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap don't work up here. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa

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Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get in to our home?
Love,
Marky

Mark,

First, stop calling yourself 'Marky.' That's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet dreams!
Santa

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