_{Letters to Strangers}

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You know,

I've had those moments where.. I would look in the mirror. I would lean over the counter, place my elbows on the marble, and hold my head up with my hair. Thinking... "I can't do this anymore. There's no way."

I've had those moments.

I've had those moments where there was broken glass all over the ground, and I stepped on it carelessly, not thinking. I wouldn't feel it. I have had those moments where I was so numb that I would pick it up too quickly and cut my hand open and just stare, wondering... "Is that really all there is to it?" but I would put it down, anyway, and ignore the glass for a few more days.
I've had those moments where I couldn't find the broom, and the concept of it was just too much for me to handle. I've had those moments where not being able to find a pen was enough of a trigger to send me into tears.

I've had those moments.

I've had moments where I would lie next to someone so close to me, so dear that I sometimes wished that if I were to take it too far, my heart at the least would survive because I want them to have it, so they could see all the cracks and dents they've filled, so they could see just how much they mean to me, despite the fact that it would be so broken, and I would cry. And they would sleep, and I would stay silent like I have so many years, and everything would be alright in the morning and neither of us would know better. I have had those moments where they would wake up, and they would be so confused, and I would just start crying harder.

I've had those moments.

I've had those moments where it would seem so easy to slip under the tide, where it would feel so great to fly just before the end. I've had those moments where it seemed so easy.

But sometimes all of that seems so far away.
Sometimes in the midst of it all I get caught up, and I forget. I forget these people, so many of them. I forget all of the things that you all have done for me. I forget the times where two of us cried ourselves to sleep, trying to figure out a way to get out of the life we were stuck in together. I forget the times where we talked until four in the morning, on the phone, on the computer, and texting just because we could. I forget the times that I sat with you on the bus. I forget times when we would take pictures on disposable cameras and hide the pictures so we would find them later. I forget the times when you've driven me home so many times. I forget the times when you walked me back, and held me close, and I threw you out and regretted it. I forget the times where we laughed.

I have so many people in my life, now, as it is. I have had so many through out it. They come, they go, but they touch me in a way that I can never seem to forget, and yet, in the midst, everything seems to dark and nothing seems right that I can't just reach into the far corners of my mind and figure it all out. Somewhere I don't want to be saved, but somehow I always am, and maybe that means something.

All I can say - whether I've known you, and you're a stranger now,
whether I know you, and you were a stranger then,
whether I know you and you were always there for me no matter what,
don't let me forget.
Please, please don't let me forget.