_{Letters to Strangers}

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Everything -

Last night I slipped off my dress in the darkness, fumbled over dirty clothes and a chair that wasn't supposed to be there, stole a drink of water, and slid into bed wondering if the grass anklet I was wearing would crumble into my clean sheets. That night I had held a friend from suicide. Two nights before, I had been brought up in one of the most terrifying conversations of my life where I had almost been subject to it. All I had wanted was a breath of fresh air, but I had come out kicking and screaming and choking on my own tongue.

It is so rare to realize when something worked out in a way that will change your life - right now in the moment of having the week turn around and slap me in the face, I have witnessed love and lose and everything in between. It is sad, but it is comforting. I shrugged myself into my bed, and closed my eyes.

And to all of you wondering, I slept well.

The next morning I woke up at 9:52, sat in my bed enjoying the soft white light through my blinds, and the quiet, stillness of the morning where no one was home except my brother, who I knew was sleeping. I got up, got dressed, fed the cat, put the laundry in the dryer, let the dogs out, and finally opened my computer to turn on some music.

It was strange.

I had let my brother use the computer the night before - he had destroyed his again, and my sisters' wasn't here. I didn't really think anything of it. I had spent the entire day with him beforehand, we had went searching for abnormalities in oak trees for one of his art projects, and grass and leaves for one of mine. We walked up, debated noodles, settled on Ritz crackers and watching Kung Fu Panda out of the sheer fact that both of us were too lazy to stand up. And we sat there like that until it was dark and about midnight and he had sprawled himself on the floor below me and I was petting his hair (which is far longer than mine and most of the women I know). I let him use my computer, I didn't think about it, and I went to sleep.

When I opened up my computer there was a piece of paper covered half-way in doodles (most of the Gaia related), and a few robots on the back. But that wasn't the first thing I saw.

What I saw there made surviving the last week worth it. It made going through that conversation with a boy who is Gumboot and crying on the phone with him till midnight workable. It made worrying for the past month about my life seem irrelevant. It made everything... better.

The page read simply -

"Dear Kilee, thanks for everything."