Letters to Strangers
Do you wish on stars? Which ones do you wish on? The ones that fall and disappear? Those aren't stars, don't wish on those if you're wishing on stars. Wish on stars.
Do you know how far away it is? Don't you know it will take thousands of years to come back to you? Thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands, we don't even know how long it would take for your wish to get there, to get granted, so why wish on those stars? Why would you choose one so far away?
Our sun is a star. It would only take eight minutes for your wish to get to that star, at the speed of light - the fastest we know of something that spreads (opposed to bad news, of course.) Eight minutes to get there. Eight minutes to be back to you, to get granted. Sixteen minutes. Would you get it, though? Would it be strong enough to make it through our stratosphere? Would it burn up in the atmosphere? Did you really mean it all like that, would it make it? What about those who did - and wished on the ones so far away?
How many strong wishes that are only granted now... are bouncing around in our dying oxygen, waiting for the person who wished it to find it, grab it, and keep it like it was meant to be kept? How many are there, do you think? How many make it through? How many were truly worth it?
I regret it. I regret breaking out promise more than I should, but I've never regretted something in my entire life. I don't know how to handle this. How does someone handle a broken promise? I've never broken one. I've never made one. This is why I never make promises. Why were you any different? Why do I feel like this? I'm so sorry.
I don't regret telling you. I think it would've been something, even though it was so small and insignificant, that would've eaten away at me on the inside. I think it would've tugged constantly at my thousands of hidden insecurities. I think it would've driven me insane. And maybe I'm wrong, I guess I have been before, but it hurts so bad to know I hurt you. I feel so small.
I stayed up most of the night, ignoring everything, listening only to my heartbeat. It was so loud. In the silence of everything around me - the fire that died earlier when everyone else fell asleep, the dogs easy breathing behind my closed door, my heart was giving me a headache. I still couldn't feel it. I woke up this morning and couldn't feel it. I sat in my bed, wrapped up in everything that was and wasn't mine - from the heavy comforter to the lump dragging my breathing ragged.
I sat and I wondered how long it would take them to realize I left. I wanted to, so badly. I wanted to just get up, pack in all of the money I have stored away just for that moment. Lift in a few days worth of clothes, put on a pair of my old shoes, stop at the little store for some water and just... go. I told someone that. They said I should. I didn't. Not yet.
I started thinking. Where? Would I stop to see you?
No, I don't think I would. I think you would know. I would keep my phone with me, I would have it off, I would have the card in my pocket, and the heart you carved me so long ago - before any of this even started, before you even knew me like you do. You would know that you were free to do what you wanted - with yourself, your life, anyone. You would know I would be, too, but you would always be there stopping me because I wouldn't be able to hurt you, even if you'd forgotten about me.
I would come back. Not sure when. I would come back, just to see if you were still there, and if you were, I would leave. If you weren't, I would leave. The first would be too hard on you, the second would be too hard on me. I couldn't stay.
I'm just waiting for my time to fall off the face of the Earth.
I'm just wishing on the sun and all the stars that surround me, I'm wishing for everyone and everything, so they don't get lost in our solar system. I'm wishing with every breath that forces itself out of my lungs.
I'm wishing for everything to be alright.
Stumble!