Ten Tips Regarding Health and Safety

1. Someday you'll cross your eyes and they'll stay crossed.

2. Many, many people have bled to death by inexpertly trying to remove their own warts. Don't try it.

3. Every athletic coach is personally acquainted with at least one youngster who was blinded by someone snapping a wet towel in the locker room. Don't do it.

4. You can get cancer just from being pinched on the arm.

5. Any time you get hit in the temple by anything, forget it. The temple is the A-1 death zone on the human body. Once there was this guy who was mowing his lawn with a power mower when he ran over a tiny pebble which shot fifty yards across the street and hit an innocent boy in the temple. The boy died without even getting a chance to wimper. That's how dangerous the temple is.

6. The only thing that can challenge the temple is the Triangle of Death that cmes on the top of every newborn baby's head. Don't touch it. Don't ask questions, just don't touch it.

7. Spiders are attracted to heavily lacquered bouffant hairdo's. They live there and eat their way into the skull.

8. The centers of golf balls are filled with deadly acid that can easily squirt into your eyes if you happen to smash a ball with a hammer.

9. Don't put coins in your mouth. You don't know where they have been.

10. Don't sit down on a toilet seat at a gas station.

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