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Page name: The Chronicle of Two Hearts [Exported view] [RSS]

2012-01-04 04:03:30

Last author: The Dizzy Raven
Owner: The Dizzy Raven

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The Chronicle of Two Hearts

<img:http://elftown.eu/stuff/mordi_14.gif>

For [Avaz]
(c)Amanda Rose Wanner [The Dizzy Raven] 2012
Published to www.deviantart.com

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~Introduction To The Hearts~

Long ago in the land of Itravell a monstrous evil stretched a vile darkness over the once beautiful mass, spreading a blackness that stained souls and ruthlessly carnaged lives in its path. It had reached out from a malevolent country known as the Zarrainyx Empire, which was ruled by the sinister Dark Lord Falzor who was the most malignant of the Drow Elf race. Yet, there was one kingdom of light that stood out above all other kingdoms, outlasted them and remained strong. The Kingdom of Amaryllis was the only magnificent place which the darkness could not consume with its hate. This glorious kingdom was watched over by the wise Elven King Thaddeus and his elegant wife Queen Illaina who had given birth to a gorgeous, blooming daughter. They named her Princess Shaelyn Destiny Rose. Gracefully growing up, the little girl was taught by her parents about kindness and how to show respect to others. She became a very sweet girl with dazzling auburn hair like well-polished walnut and glistening, bright green eyes like the finest of emeralds. Shaelyn's smooth skin was fair, as close to perfect as it could have ever gotten. The radiant princess would play always in her gracious mother's tranquil garden, and she would melodiously sing like an angel, dance with the grace of a peaceful heron, twirl like a mirthful leaf in autumn, pick spring's first lovely flowers, and laugh as if those wonderful moments would last forever. Really, she would do whatever all young girls would do during their spare time. King Thaddeus and Queen Ilaina both cherished their daughter very much, doing whatever they could to protect her from harm.

A small page boy of elven heritage, who was well known as Elijah Virstin, had come to the Castle of Shienna to live there in order to undergo an excellent education; he had to run several errands for King Thaddeus and the queen, and he carried messages about without once complaining. This marvelous boy was quite adorable with straight, light blond hair and beaming sky blue eyes. He knew all about respect and how to treat others with fairness. He had soon become the honorable king's most favored servant in the castle. Now, it was about one O'clock in the afternoon of a Saturday when Elijah found himself enjoying the fantastic sunlight in the queen's magestic garden, during one of his free-to-do-whatever-he-wished hours. This was around the time he had first met the little princess Shaelyn. They were both seven and quite carefree. Happily, the two of them became very close friends as they played within the walls of the lovely garden whenever they could find the chance. Their most favorite game was tag, chasing each other around the jade weeping willow and white birch trees. Shaelyn's typical beginning to their petite game would always be, "You can't get me, Page Boy! Come catch me! Come catch me!". A couple other games they played was Hide-and-Go-Seek and a game Shaelyn called "Can You Guess The Shape of That Cloud, Page Boy?" Once in a while, they'd play a Checkers duel, but Elijah would almost always win at that one.

By the time Elijah and Shaelyn were sixteen, they had fallen madly in love with each other. Nothing could ever sever the two, for their love was everlasting. They spent most of their time together when they had the liberty to enjoy themselves. It was just about impossible to see one without the other. Of course, Elijah had been honored with the title of squire now and he had become an aid to Shienna's renown knight, Sir Augustine. Because of this, the Princess Shaelyn and Elijah rarely saw each other, but they believed that they would be together no matter the circumstances. After Elijah left for further training, Princess Shaelyn underwent a special education for offense and defense magicks so she could learn how to protect herself against possible attackers. During the passing years, they swore that they would hold true to each other, even to the end. Despite how young they were, their love was matchless, grand, and magnificently powerful. It was as if their very souls were bound together for eternity. When Elijah finally returned four years later, he had become a chivalrous knight and had sworn fealty to King Thaddeus for the sake of Princess Shaelyn. The two of them were twenty when Elijah proposed marriage to the graceful princess. After that precious moment, they would elegantly kiss in the glorious moonlight within the beautiful garden and they would ride horses every so often together. Innocent romance was never fated to end between Shaelyn and Elijah.

One would think that they had gotten married and the story would climax blissfully from there, but no. Sadly enough, it never happened that way. Due to the war with the Dark Lord Falxor and his Zarrainyx Empire, Elijah, now known as Sir Elijah, was horribly called into a vicious battle, and Shaelyn sorrowfully thought that she would never see her true love again. A great longing to see him again pulled at her worried heart. She wanted to feel his kind arms comfortingly around her. She wanted to feel his gentle lips on hers. She wanted to feel his soft, loving hands lightly caress her smooth cheeks. Her father tried his best to comfort her, but there was nothing anyone could do to sooth her, except for Elijah himself. In misery, Lady Shaelyn wandered around her father's castle aimlessly, in search for something to completely distract her mind from the melancholy thoughts. She tried playing Checkers, playing the harp, making shapes out of the clouds, and making games with the children of the palace. Her efforts were fruitless, and she could only wonder about how her dear Elijah was faring. No attempts to calm her worried heart worked for poor Shaelyn. She faithfully hoped and desperately prayed that nothing horrible happened to her lover, but then the most devastating thing transpired that wasn't thought possible in all the ages of the earth.

The defenses around her father's kingdom fell beneath the malign power of Falzor's dark forces, causing the divine city to be overrun with foul darkness. Relentlessly, the bloodthirsty Falzor slayed King Thaddeus and Queen Illaina, Shaelyn's loving parents who had given their lives for her and the princess became trapped in a revulsion of horror and lament. The Dark Lord cruelly imprisoned Shaelyn within her room, keeping the princess from tasting the wonders of sweet freedom ever again. Since then, the radiant smiles of the sun were seen no more, for the entire sky was clouded in the thickest and most wretched of blacks. Forever did it seem to rain like the swollen tears of a thousand grievous hearts.

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Chapter Zero:

~Love is Eternal~

As menacing shadows danced beneath broken trees and shattered stone walls, a half-worn and agonized knight, stained with the blood of his vile enemies, returned home on his marvelous steed only to discover that it was in ruins. He and his white horse were marked with ash and dirt kicked up by raging creatures of evil who were now deceased thanks to his sword and the swords of his fallen allies. Fierce, blue lightning bitterly flashed through the ominous skies, revealing the weary face of elegant Shaelyn's loyal lover as he lifted up his doleful eyes from the soggy earth. Elijah was the only fortunate heart to survive the savage battle against the insidious Zarrainyx Empire. Taking off his battered helm, his light hair fell down to his armored shoulders. He angrily tossed the protective, metal gear aside into a muddy pool of water that had quickly gathered from persistent rainfall. Elijah's whole body was damp with the liquid and his discouraged visage dripped with it, but no one could have been able to tell that those were actually crestfallen tears shed by his thickening somber. I never should have left, he thought, maddened by the ravaged world before his frightened eyes. Weakened by a bleeding wound on his side, he grabbed at the injury, sitting there in excruciating broken heartedness as he gazed with stormy, azure eyes up at the obscure castle. He began to ponder on why such an anguishing thing would happen to his once perfect dwelling place. After dismounting his horse, he vigilantly scanned the sunless area to make certain that nothing perilous was around to threaten his wellness. Calming memories of his loved one revealed themselves while he looked upon familiar places, which were now destroyed and barely recognizable. These memories inspired a growing flame of unquenchable valor within his chest and, in spite of his injuries, he swiftly dashed into the towering building, uncaring of what treacherous fiends awaited him inside. He earnestly traveled through a series of broken hallways to find the one true place Princess Shaelyn Destiny Rose might be: her mother's garden. I pray to the gods that the garden wasn't devastated! Dismay etched Elijah's face upon entering where he believed the gorgeous garden had once been. With all his heart he wanted to find the majestic Shaelyn, but what he had found instead would have disheartened anyone who came upon the sight. It was a foreboding place littered with revolting skulls and scattered bones. What he had found was a terrifying graveyard and, worst of all, the Dark Lord Falzor himself with his back turned against the young, pained knight. Had this Dark Lord killed his beloved Shaelyn? "You creature of the wretched!" Elijah shouted in matchless fury and woe. "This chaos you have done, have you no remorse?"

A deep chuckle emanated from the Drow, who closed his eyes, going over Elijah's words. Falzor grinned malevolently, folding his arms out of sheer amusement. He was armored and clothed in the color of charred flesh; eyes and skin pale like a soulless heart. Falzor's hair was as white as a water-logged corpse. "Remorse?" he asked curiously. "I do not believe such exists... Humans have such... pitiful concepts they observe. Chaos..? I am supposing... now this is only a mere guess... I am supposing... that you have no complete comprehension of my own dark intent... my own....selfish desires, as humans put it, oh so plainly..." Falzor's words were chill, having no regret at all. It was evident in his voice that he had every intention to carnage and conquer. He turned around to glare into the eyes of the one who had confronted him only to discover that the man had been the very Elijah he yearned to meet. "So, Elijah... What shall you do now, hm? Since you at last can have your vengeance satisfied, I'm quite curious as to what you shall decide to do. Attempt to kill me swiftly? Or shall you attempt to bestow upon me the gift of a long, agonizing death? What shall it be?" The look he was giving Elijah was menacing. It was as if he was readying himself to kill at any given moment.

Elijah knew immediately that Falzor was toying with his mind. Saying nothing, he drew his sword and unslung his steel shield from his back. The knight prepared himself for anything that might occur; although, he had no knowledge of the power the Drow held within. He just had to hope and pray to whatever god or gods that might possibly exist outside the realm. If only Shaelyn were here... he thought sadly. Shaelyn's presence, he knew, would have brought him more strength for the fight. Right now, only sheer lust for revenge fueled him to fight.

"So... What shall it be, Elijah...? Or are you to fight at all? I wonder how much courage lies inside your pathetic heart. Probably not enough to allow you to survive what's coming next..." Suddenly, the Dark Lord's eyes glowed red like blood pouring from an open wound. "This... shall be enjoying," he continued, wide spreading his arms. His entire body began to turn black, causing energy to whip around him as shadow-like mists. The tone of his words grew heavier and rough. "Can you brave the shadows, human? The darkest of dragons savor them as their one place to devise their conspiracies of divine nightmare."

Trying to remain strong enough to set aside his fear, Elijah could only stand and witness a black transformation within his sinister enemy. Somber, auburn clouds gathered with haste into the sky above; they were so full of rain that they became darker and darker until they were almost a curdling ebony. Lightning struck through the sky as Falzor's body grew disfigured with scales. He was becoming larger, muscles thickening under the skin. Out from his face protruded a snout with snarling, sharp teeth in the likeness of a dragon's. Great wings, resembling that of a bat, sprouted from his back, stretching the thin membranes towards the weeping sky. Falzor's arms and legs grew heavier as his changing form ripped through his clothing. Claws took the place of his nails that now tore at the soaked earth. His neck grew longer while armor-like scales formed under his throat, leading down to the tip of a thrashing tail which was barbed. Along his back were tall spikes like the blades of dented swords, worn with age. On the back of his skull were membraned frills that would aid him in flight. A deafening roar pierced through his bony maw as his crimson eyes were firmly fixed on Elijah. The knight watched in fear as Falzor transfigured into a terrifying and massive beast whose nostrils smoked as he breathed. "You give the dragons and your race a bad name..." Elijah growled bitterly in his hatred for the ruthless monster. "You're a fiend."

"Now...to me, you're the fiend, young knight. It's just... a matter of perspective," Falzor replied through his teeth. He let out a hard, gravel-like chuckle. "You amuse me."

"Amuse you to what? When all is dead and turned to ash what will you do then? There will be no good land for your kingdom to prosper! There will be no gain except the blood of your enemies staining your vile teeth and your blade! What makes you so interested in killing me? What reward is there that motivates your deep desire to pillage and murder? Once all have been killed there will be no one to serve the purpose of soothing your corrupt bloodlust!" Elijah shouted angrily.

"I will be satisfied when the last citizen of this kingdom is destroyed. It's not power, I'm after. This is my vengeance!! Now, let's see if you're strong enough to fulfill yours..." Falzor spat an inferno of fire at Elijah and thus, the battle began.

As they raged against each other, Shaelyn was doing her best as she fought her way through the glass door of her small cage. One final desperate slam sent it to shards and she escaped onto the balcony with few scratches to her body and dress. Staring down into the destroyed gardens, she stared upon the fight,startled. Her beloved was there giving his life for her and Amaryllis. Shaelyn knew she had to do something fast, for Falzor was gaining the upper hand. "Elijah!" she shouted frightfully. "Don't give up! Please!" Tears streamed over her cheeks, fearing the worst would happen to her lover. "Elijah!" There was no way he could hear her through the dark dragon's commotion. She knew now what she had to do and she was intensely determined. "Elijah, I'm coming for you. Don't worry." With haste, she withdrew a hidden dagger from under her gown, unsheathing the steel. "Let's hope this helps... Don't look now, Shaelyn, but you're going to jump. There's no holding back." Walking back to the entrance of the balcony, she readied herself for her daring attempt. Light magic flowed into the dagger as she chanted ancient words and phrases that called forth the power. "Now!" Dashing forwards, she gained enough speed to leap over the rusted, iron railing. Crashing upon the ferocious monster, she forced the blade under the scales of Falzor's back. The light energy from her weapon drained the Drow Elf's strength and slightly decreased him in size. "Elijah!" she cried when Falzor shook her off himself, tossing her into the stone castle.

Elijah Virstin couldn't believe it as he witnessed Shaelyn's own brave offense against the malevolent Dark Lord. There was nothing he could do to stop her fragile form from being broken by the fall. Building debris tumbled to the earth around the princess as the knight swiftly rushed to her side. Dreading the worst, Elijah brought her into an old pantry room after throwing a fog spell at Falzor's face, temporarily blinding him. Kneeling, he laid a gentle hand on the side of her visage as she lay on her back. She opened her eyes and smiled while he propped her up with his left arm. Shaelyn grunted with pain, trying to look up at him. Then met his eyes. Reaching for his weapon, she said weakly, "Hand me your sword, Darling...This...this is to end that demon..." Despite, Elijah's attempts to keep her laying down, she sat up and seized the blade's hilt. With words of the ancients, she altered it; the sword began to glow a bright gold. It shimmered in all its glory. "This will destroy him, Elijah...Bring him to his knees," Shaelyn continued before she slipped into unconsciousness.

As shaken up as he was, the knight had to leave Shaelyn there out of harm's way in order to continue his advances against Falzor. Grasping the sword with confidence, he returned to his feet and stepped outside. He felt the sword's power as it connected with his spirit. The rage of the beast was neverending, "You cannot run, Little sheep... Your souls belong to me!I will end your pointless lives as I would a dove! I shall rip off your wings and I'll laugh as you struggle to survive! By your necks will you hang, humiliated for the world to see! In case you haven't realized...this spell won't last forever. I will find you, Elijah... And princess... you shall be punished for your betrayal..." Fire leaped from his mouth, spreading the flames to every corner of the enclosed yard. Lifting his head high, he bellowed harsh roars into the atmosphere, causing everything to tremble violently. Lofty towers caved in and lightning vigorously struck.

While Falzor let out his anger, Elijah took his chance. Boldly dashing forward, he aimed at the monster's weak points with the tip of his enlightened blade. The fog cleared up around the dragon's eyes just in time to notice Elijah's cunning move. With one swipe of his claws, Falzor knocked his opponent aside. The shield was now dented and forced from the knight's grip, stunning him for a moment. Falzor took advantage of the opening and swung his tail like a dangerous flail. On an act of instinct, Elijah growled through his teeth while he sliced off the end before it could even touch him. Another roar was belched from the drow. Savagely, the Dark Lord pounded down his front talons to pin Elijah to the ground. Helpless, all the knight could do was stay there under the dragon's weight. Falzor snarled, "Your king slew my family... Dark mages, they were. More powerful than any ancient of yours could ever hope to become...Because of him, I was burdened to live in the wilderness as a child....It's how I honed my abilities...He deserved to die.. and my destiny was to rid the kingdom of scum...scum like you, as it were. Leaving you and the princess to rot is the last of my objectives. To be feed for the scavengers. Prepare to fall like your comrades."

Before Falzor could release the heat of his flames upon Elijah, Shaelyn had made her way to the fray. In spite of her weakening body, she formed a magical barricade of green energy to prevent her love from being executed. The beast stepped back so he could return to his original form; now he had every intention to fight Elijah face to face, but first he had to remove the princess. She was nothing but a nuisance to him. Deprived of strength, the princess fell to her knees. However, Falzor caught her by her neck, lifting her up. Squeezing tightly around Shaelyn's throat, he grinned crookedly. The drow was so entertained by her strife that, with his other hand, he drew a serrated knife and gradually drove it deep into her chest. Blood stained the front of her dress as she hung there from his clench. "Elijah.." she choked in suffering, "I...I'm sorry..." After she passed out, Falzor threw her into a pile of bones, under the impression that she was dead. "She earned that fate... She was truly her father's daughter," he laughed morbidly.

Time just seemed to stand still for the elven man as he watched his beloved being ruthlessly tortured. "Shaelyn..." Tears built up only to burst from his eyes as he tried to stand up. "No!" he shouted furiously and his face turned beet red. He held the grip of his sword hilt as if he was choking it. He raced after Falzor with his weapon raised, when he at last regained his footing. The Dark Lord drew his own blade and ran in with a swing to kill. For some time they exchanged blows, parrying and dodging each other's attacks. There came a point where they were shoving against each other in a reckless effort to overthrow the other. Without Warning, Elijah threw a heavy punch into his adversary's gut, knocking him backwards.

Falzor wiped blood from the corner of his mouth. "Heh...Interesting...You would have been of good use if you were a member of my calvary. Wasted talent...so unfortunate. I would have even shared Shaelyn with you...if she were still breathing." A combustion of laughter emanated from his chest. "Oh this is just fantastic! Ahahahahaa!"

Enmity thickened inside him as Elijah growled. His blood boiled. "You bastard!" The knight assailed Falzor, but to no avail. Before Elijah could do anything, the drow insidiously used his dark magic to penetrate Elijah's abdomen with a conjured spear. The elf stopped in his tracks, spitting up blood. His sight was fading in and out, but still remained strong even though a seven foot weapon pierced straight through him. "Just because... one person did wrong to you... doesn't mean you have the right to kill everyone else...no right to kill... the innocent. I'm... not sure what's going through that...clouded mind of yours but...obviously you can't tell the difference between the light and the dark..." The Dark Lord just simply convulsed with laughter in reply to Elijah's words. "So... you think I'm a fool, huh?" Elijah grinned weakly. While Falzor thought Elijah was too faint to do anything, the knight slashed through with his sword. Now decapitated, the Dark Lord crumbled and vanished like smoke into the darkness.

Trembling, Elijah collapsed to his hands and knees. Blood poured from his wound while he tried to stay awake. He found Shaelyn and crawled his way towards her. The knight brought the princess into a warm embrace from behind, wrapping his arms around her. "Shaelyn..." he whispered in her ear softly. "Remember when...as children... we played here?" Both of them came closer to death with each passing second. Elijah wanted to make the best of it.

"It was so... beautiful. Peace... seemed immortal..." Shaelyn wept as she woke. "Then there was chaos...the world crumbled before the empire and ... every life was taken."

"Don't cry...don't cry..." Tears stained Elijah's face. "It's over now... we killed him...The kingdom is saved...Even if our bodies pass our love will live on..."

"I planted a seed..." the princess' mind was slowly slipping away.

In grief, Elijah pushed away the hair from Shaelyn's pale face and held her hands passionately. "That was a good thing you did..." he replied before kissing her cheek. "I love you..." After that, Shaelyn's soul fluttered away, leaving Elijah wailing in mournfulness. Eventually, he too passed on into the deepening void.

As the years went by, the very seed Princess Shaelyn buried into the ground grew into a gorgeous white tree. The two main limbs formed in the shape of the heart and its leaves glittered in the sunlight. It was the eve of a new era when the kingdom was rebuild by her escapees. And in memory of the love that lifted them from the shadows, all marriages were to be held at the sacred tree which represented the two hearts. The remaining years resided in tranquility.

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Write Me A Story

2009-07-15 [The Dizzy Raven]: almost finished >< lol

2009-12-11 [Draymond]: If I may read and offer suggestions should I have any, would you like that?

It is wonderful! ^^

2009-12-11 [The Dizzy Raven]: sure! :D

and thanks! ^_^ I've got more to add now

2010-11-09 [The Dizzy Raven]: So close to being done now.

2012-01-03 [The Dizzy Raven]: Note: draw evil black dragon form for it.

2012-01-04 [Avaz]: Good story. Thanks again for it! :)

2012-01-05 [The Dizzy Raven]: Thanks and you're welcome ^_^

2012-01-05 [Avaz]: If you're still looking for constructive criticism, I'd be happy to oblige. :F

2012-01-05 [The Dizzy Raven]: Thanks! ^_^ and yeah ^^" I've been writing for years but there were 3 years between now and then where I haven't done any works. So, I feel really rusty XD

2012-01-05 [Avaz]: Looking beyond the fact that Elijah is a bit of a Mary Sue (and that's okay!), I had a few "wtf?" moments at a few parts in the story.

1) If Shaelyn is supposed to be imprisoned, where did she pull out a weapon from? That seems like the type of thing Falzor would have totally made sure to check and disarm her first. Especially moreso if she's just got a simple gown on.

2) at no point was it ever evident that Elijah could use magic, then all of a sudden BOOM, fog spell? That kind of came out of nowhere. However, the way I see it, this is more of a worldbuilding problem than a character one. The reader needs more information about that type of thing. Can everyone in the world use magic or is it only these people, and why?

3) Same deal with the seed at the end. Where did she get the seed from? When did she plant it?

4) Speaking of that fog, if it could blind Falzor, how come it didn't also blind Elijah?

5) Lastly, this is an overall thing. I was expecting Elijah to have some sort of reaction to having to go to war for the first time. I got the impression that his whole life up to that point, he'd been kind of sheltered, playing with his girlfriend, not picking fights, but generally being a nice guy. I expected to see him have some sort of mental reaction to that, but there was nothing at all (which is where some of the Mary Sue-ness comes from). I guess what I'm trying to say is a couple sentences for a little bit more character development would have gone a long way. :)

I hope you don't take these personally. These are things that I've had to grapple with as a writer, too. Once you can answer these questions, your stories will feel more alive, less cliche, and you'll do better as a writer in the process.
Hope this helps. I wasn't trying to be mean, just constructively critical. ^_^

2012-01-05 [The Dizzy Raven]: hahahaha XDDDD omg lmao you're right. I never thought about those concepts and I'm usually good at putting stuff together. God, I've been lacking. Thanks for pointing those things out. I really appreciate it. i forgot to put in that the their race uses magic ^^" so a majority of things were conjured. About the fog, I forgot to put in that it only clung around the dark lord's eyes. It never covered the entire area. Omg, I sucked with this. XDDD

Oh! Don't worry about it! I love constructive criticism! As long as you're not calling me names or pushing me around, it's all good. And you did none of such. hahaha xD You're fine :) I really appreciated it ^_^

And you're exactly right :)

2012-01-05 [Avaz]: Okay good. I'm glad you feel that way. Some people ask for CC and when I give it to them and it is very critical like I was here, they just can't take it. They'll bitch and whine that I'm complaining and ripping their work apart and basically get all emo on me, which I really don't like dealing with. :P

2012-01-05 [The Dizzy Raven]: Oh wow O.O I really don't like people like that. If they can't take the CC then there's no way they can learn. If they can't take it, then their career in art or lit isn't worth it. They're better off doing something else. :/

2012-01-05 [Avaz]: That's precisely how I feel. I believe there are too many people out there who call themselves artists, but they surround themselves with people who only say good things about their work, and not enough people who are able and willing to give (and accept) an honest critique. Even if it sucks. Lord knows much of my earlier work is utter crap. Haha

2012-01-05 [The Dizzy Raven]: Exactly!!!! People who do that are more than likely too self-absorbed :/

XDDD same here. A lot of my older stuff sucks. I started advancing after I got out of high school (with art anyways). Not so much literature XD

2012-01-05 [Avaz]: Well, I'm happy we have that much in common. :D

2012-01-05 [The Dizzy Raven]: haha ^_^ same here

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