Joke of the day archives 1

day 1 joke

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She
jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the
door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name
is Heather and you are losing some of your load."


The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the
truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.
She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.
Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never
spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and
you are losing some of your load!"


Shaking his head the trucker ignores her again and continues
down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens
again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs
up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window.
Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing
some of your load!"


When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to
the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out
of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her
window, and as she lowers it, he says, "Hi, my name is Joe,
it's winter in Canada and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK! 

day 2
My history professor once told me about an experience he had at a local restaurant. Whenever someone comes to Greenwood, South Carolina, his or her tour is not complete without a visit to Dixie Drive-In, a cute little restaurant made up like a '50s diner. One day, Dr. Figuerra (the professor) was sitting at his desk, when he received a phone call from who turned out to be the ghost of Rene Descartes himself. "Are you ready for lunch?" he asked in a thick French accent.
"Same place?"
"Oui, oui!" Before long, Descartes and Figuerra met at Dixie Drive-In. Upon sitting down, both the ghost and the professor were greeted and asked their orders. The day's special: Fried chicken.
"Will you be having the special today?" The professor gave his approval, so the waitress turned to Descartes.
"Will you be having the same, Rene?"
The ghost scoffed. "I think not."
He disappeared.

day 3
A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to 
find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as the 
wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped 
her with these words: 

"Before you leave, I want you to hear how all this came 
about... 

"Driving home along the highway, I saw this young woman looking 
tired and bedraggled, so I brought her home and made her a meal 
from the roast beef you had forgotten about in the 
refrigerator. She had only some worn sandals on her feet, so 
I gave her a pair of good shoes you had discarded because they 
had gone out of style. She was cold so I gave her a sweater 
I bought you for your birthday that you never wore because the 
color didn't suit you.. Her pants were worn out so I gave her 
a pair of yours that were perfectly good, but too small for 
you now. 

"Then, when she was about to leave the house, she paused and 
asked: 'Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore?'"

Day 4
Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into 
bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with 
an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of 
his bed. 

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are 
you?" he asked. 

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, 
and you are in heaven." 

"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too 
young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately." 

"It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as 
a dog or a hen. The choice is your own." 

Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being 
a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and 
relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad. 

"I want to return as a hen," Tom replied. 

And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, 
really nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end 
was gonna blow. Then along came the rooster. 

"Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about," he 
said. "How do you like being a hen?" 

"Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my ass is about to 
explode." 

"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going 
on. You need to lay an egg." 

"How do I do that?" Tom asked. 

"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can." 

Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and 
then 'plop' an egg was on the ground. 

"Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!" So he clucked again 
and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet 
another egg on the ground. The third time he clucked, he 
heard his wife shout: 

"Tom, for Christ's sake! Wake up! You're shittin' all over 
the bed!" 

---

back to idiot wiki