Fall
I fell from sleep.
So un-protected.
So alone.
I was troubled and my mind was numb
Something told me, I couldn't go on
But I got up, and kept walking.
The pain I felt in my heart, disappeared, with every slice
I made on my milky white skin, the pain disappeared
More and more, then it was gone,
And I couldn't feel anything.

Self mutilization.
FLASHBACK-

They left the hospital; there was nothing more they could have done anyway. Kari felt bad for soras mom, who had to face her daughter’s death, Although, she was more worried about matt. He was extremely angry when he came back to get Mathew.

The car ride home was silent. Neither yagami’s liked sora but she was still a digidestin and was to be treated as so. Karis sleep that night was troubled and she tossed and turned and had many a nightmare.

She woke up that morning covered in sweat. Breathing heavily she got ready for school. The day went by quickly; she could barely remember it really.

END FLASHBACK.

Tai dropped Mimi and Yolie at there own houses, and then arrived at Matt's. “Kari, stay here for a minute ok. I will be back later” he didn't even give Kari an explanation. So she silently and angrily followed matt up to his apartment.

T.k was there, unfortunately and Kari inwardly groaned.

T.k sat on the couch, watching the television when Matt and Kari came in. “Oh” he said, when he noticed her.

“Hey T.k” she said.

“Hey” he said, and she sat down on the couch beside him. Matt, as usual, disappeared off into his room.


T.K was being nice to her for once in his life and she was happy for that although he didn't say much of anything. She yawned. “Im tiered.” She didn't expect a reply.

“Alright, hold on” he got up and went into Matt's room, said something and came back out. “You can go take a nap in his room, he says. Mines covered in who knows what I haven’t cleaned it in days.”

“thanks.” Maybe he was being nice because she was pregnant. Then again maybe not, he could be covering up.

Matt was sitting on his bed, looking at a magazine about rock stars. He stuffed it back under his bed and looked at her. She had never seen him so….scary looking. Kari was never scared of Matt, but this was insane. She didn't remember him looking this bad just a moment ago.

He looked like he hadn't slept in days; he was pale and white faced, and skinnier than usual. His hair was messy and went in all directions, his clothes were ruffled and un-tidy, Matt, no matter how gothed out always wanted his clothes to look perfect.

Are you ok? She was tempted to ask him, but he spoke first “hey. You can nap here, I don’t mind. Im going to go in the living room, I will wake you up when Tia gets here no worries.”

“Alright, thanks. Hey Matt?” he turned around to face her. “Don’t worry, it will be ok.” He nodded and turned around, smiling a bit.

She slept peacefully, which for her meant no nightmares and she was happy for that. She woke up, slowly there was some noise going on in the other room, so she got up to investigate. “Dammit Matt, stop being such a prick!” T.k yelled.

Kari peeked around the corner; Matt was facing T.k, who was trying to protect his new red-headed girlfriend. Matt had a bloody knife thrown down in front of him. Her eyes widened, ‘what is going on?’ she though.

Then she felt someone tug on her pants leg, and looked down, slightly frightened. “Oh! Hi Mathew” she said, tears flowed slowly down his cheek so she picked him up and cradled him in her arms. He held onto her tightly as she wondered where his mother could be.

Meanwhile, Matt and T.k were still arguing angrily. The red headed girl seemed frightened of Matt. “Kari!” T.k said

“What?” she asked still cradling Mathew in her arms.

“Tell him we are over!” he said. Kari looked down at her feet, then back up at him. She could feel the hot tears now streaming down her face.

“No” and with that, she took Mathew and went back into Matt's bedroom, sitting down on the bed. Mathew looked at her.

“Are you ok?” he asked

“Yeah sweetie, im fine” she said, whipping some tears off with her hands. She yawned tiredly “where is your mother?”

“She is at work, dad is babysitting me.”

“Dad?” Mr. Ishida, it had been concluded was not Mathews father, so why would Mathew call him dad

“Yeah! You know, Matt!”

Kari chuckled “Matt isn't your dad sweetie”

“Is too!”

“Alright, im not gonna argue.” She said smiling at him.

Finally the door swung open and Matt came in, cursing the whole way. She watched him go to the corner of the room; dig something out of a pile of junk. It was a stack of papers, all folded in every direction some even crumpled up.

Kari followed him out of the room, he and his mother were talking and she was signing the papers. “Hi granny!” Mathew said

“Hi baby” she replied

“Granny?” I asked, confused.

“Mathew thinks im his dad, so it would be gross if my mother was his mom.” He explained lamely. And she sort of understood what he was trying to say.

“So who does he think is his mother?”

“There is no telling” he answered as his mom handed him the papers “I will be right back, we need to take these to the department, um…Tia might not be coming” he said, but before she could get an explanation, he had disappeared out the door. Leaving her with Mathew, who just looked up at her and smiled.

She sighed and sat down on the couch, not knowing what else she could do. Mathew was a brilliant child and knew how to take care of himself. She picked up her purse that was sitting on the floor and took out her cell phone. Calling her brothers number after about three rings, he picked up. “Hello?”

“Hey Tia, Matt says you won’t be coming home?”

“Oh, yeah sorry…some things have come up that I need to take care of and I don’t think you need to be home by yourself ok?”

“What about mom?” I inquired, granted she wasn't always home but she was home often.

“Yeah…mom” he paused “don’t worry sis, Matt will take care of you.” Yeah, how many times had she heard that before? It was like she was incapable of taking care of herself. She always needed protection and someone to take care of her. She always needed help. She sighed, by the look he gave her last night she figured Matt needed taking care of, not her.

Mathew sat beside her, looking up at her. “Who are you talking to?” he asked

“Just tia” she said as her brother rambled on the other end about how beautiful he thought Brittany was. “Tia… Matt left with his mom a few minutes ago and left me with Mathew. What do I do? I don’t know how to take care of kids.” It was simple when they were at the hospital, he sat there on her lap and didn't move and didn't speak.

“He can take care of himself, don’t worry you have plenty of maternal instincts, when the time comes you will know what to do, besides you need the practice for your little one.” He said.

“Yeah you’re….WAIT! What did you just say?” her brain was reeling “how do you know?”

“Um, I was the one who found you in the bathroom. Were you ever planning on telling me?” she thought for a moment.

“No probably not.” She chuckled “you would have found out on your own sooner or later eh?” she said.

“Yeah I guess so, listen Kari im sorry but I have to go, just stay with Matt ok. I trust him.” He said

“Oh Tia, no…I will tell you next time I see you.”

“Alright Kari, love you. Stay away from T.k.”

“Im not a baby, Tia. Love you too.” And with that she hung up. She sighed, “So…” she looked at Mathew helplessly.

“So?” she thought for a moment until her phone rang again.

“Hello?”

“Get dressed” Matt said from the other end.

“How come?”

“Just do it, don’t ask questions. And don’t worry, get Mathew dressed too please.” And he explained what to make Mathew wear.

She got herself dressed; she ended up wearing a black teenage wolf’s shirt and a baggy pair of blue jeans she had taken from Matt's closet. Her hair and teeth brushed and put on her makeup. Then she got the instructed clothes out and helped Mathew into them. He scowled at her, the famous Ishida glare. “I don’t like being dressed” he said simply.

“Well, your daddy said you needed to be dressed, im just following his rules ok?” he looked at her.

“Alright” he said simply. “I don’t care anyhow.” He acted so grown up for a little child. It confused Kari a little; he acted, at times more adult than she did.

Matt bounded up the stairs and into the apartment “hey” he said, scooping up Mathew. “Common” she followed him, still not sure what was going on. His mother was in the front seat with Matt and Mathew and she were in back.

“Hello again Kari, and good morning”

“Yes, though it should be good afternoon” she chuckled.

“Oh…right. How time flies” Miss. Takashi said.

“Hope you don’t mind” Matt said “mom wanted us to go get lunch.” she blushed

“But I don’t have any...” she was cut off

“Don’t worry about it. I invited you” ‘actually’, she thought, ‘you dragged me out the door.’ 

They went to a nearby diner for lunch; it was called the golden oden. She had never seen it before; apparently it had just opened up. They were seated in a booth. Mathew absolutely refused to sit with anyone but Kari. So Matt sat by his mother and Mathew sat by Kari, and she assisted him with reading the kiddies menu.

They all orders, Matt had a hamburger with no mayo, Miss Takashi had a turkey sandwich, Kari has the same as matt, and Mathew had chicken strips. They ate in comfortable silence until her phone went off, again.

“Hello?”

“Hey Kari!” it was T.k

“Hey” she said, not really wanting to talk to him.

“Listen, about the other night im really sorry” Matt must have seen the awkward look Kari had on her face, because he reached over and took the phone from her hand.

“T.k, were kinda busy and Kari doesn't wanna talk, see ya” and he abruptly hung up on his brother.

“That wasn't very nice” his mother said

“I know” Matt handed her back her phone and she stuck it back in her pocket. Thankful that she didn't have to deal with T.k in front of Miss Takashi, she was his mother after all.

When they were all done they left to Miss Takashi’s house. Her and Matt had business to take care of and had to drag Kari along. She didn't mind entertaining Mathew; it was T.k she didn't want to see.

Just her luck that he was at home instead of out with his new girlfriend. This made the atmosphere of the house very awkward. “Hey Kari, why did ya let Matt hang up on me?” he asked her.

“Sorry, I didn't really get a say” she said, sitting on the edge of there dirty couch.

Finally they went back to Matt's house, him and Mathew that is. “Kari, I just got custody of him” Matt said. Then a wide grin spread across his face.

“What are you so happy about?” she asked. He just laughed.

“You don’t understand just how happy I am!” she cocked her head

“I guess I don’t.” he disappeared off in his room, and Kari fell asleep on the couch after watching two hours of TV. There was a heavy pressure on her stomach when she began to sleepily awake. Her eyes opened wide and she looked at the source of the pressure, a heavy lump of blankets is what it looked like but upon further investigation and un-raveling of the blankets she found Mathew. She chuckled a little as he too began to awake. 

“Good morning sweetie” she said and he yawned

“What time is it?” he asked her.

She looked at the clock “seven thirty.” She said “what are you doing in here?”

Mathew looked at her. “I had a nightmare and wanted to go sleep with daddy but he wouldn't open the door so I came in here with you.”

“Oh…alright, let’s go check on daddy ok?” she said smiling at him. He grinned back

“Yeah let’s go!”

They went to matt's door and knocked….and knocked…and knocked some more.

“MATT!!” she yelled pounding on the door, finally, she opened it.

Inside it was dark and gloomy. The shades were pulled back and light was constricted. There were strange red splotches on the carpet and a shiny dagger on the floor, Matt was on the bed, snoring loudly. Covered in blood, Kari looked at it all. She pulled Mathew out “stay in your room sweetie.” She said and he did as he was told. She went over and inspected Matt's wrists, sliced open in all different directions.

She shook him awake; “Matt” she said softly when he began to arise.

“Uh…yeah” he said drowsily looking up at her.

“You’re bleeding” she said and he immidiatly covered his wrist. She looked at him worriedly and sat on the edge of the bed.

“I-I didn't want you to know” he said looking away from her.

“Matt…if you’re having trouble…just tell me...” he looked at her again, with that helpless sickly look he gave her when Sora died.

“I don’t want you to have to carry on my burden as well as your own Kari.” He said.

She smiled at him “how about we help each other?” she said. “I know a limited amount about baby care, and you need someone to be there for you, so I will help you if you help me!” he looked at her, as if unsure he could trust her.

“What if I play you like T.k did?” she chuckled

“Would you?” she asked him

“No” he shook his head, as seriously as ever.

“Well then what's the problem silly?” she asked, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. He looked down at his lap, and then looked at her smiling.

“Alright!” he said and Mathew came in.

“Does that mean you’re my new mommy?” he asked her.

They all three started laughing happily. “Sure” she said “why not” Matt grabbed hold of her and pulled her down on top of him, staring deeply into her eyes. He was just about to say something when her phone rang.

“Oh common! What is it this time!” he thought angrily. She laughed and went into the living room to answer her phone.


confessions of Yagami, Hikari chapter two
confessions of Yagami, Hikari chapter three
confessions of Yagami, Hikari chapter four
confessions of Yagami, Hikari chapter five
confessions of Yagami, Hikari chapter six