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2011-04-28 20:14:56

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BEACUSE OF THE NEW RULES, I HAVE BEEN TOLD I CAN USE A WIKI SO ALL MY JOKES ARE NOW HERE

CHAV JOKES

1.What do you call a Chav in a box?
Innit.

2. What do you call a Chav in a filing cabinet?
Sorted.

3. What do you call a Chav in a box with a lock on it?
Safe...

4. What do you call an Eskimo Chav?
Innuinnit.

5. Why are Chavs like slinkies?
They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of Stairs.

6. What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit?
The bride.

7. If you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
It might be your bike.

8. What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut?
One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.

9. What's the first question at a Chav quiz night?
"What you lookin' at?"

10. How do you get 100 Chavs into a phone box?
Paint three stripes on it.

11. Two Chavs in a car without any music. Who's driving?
The police.

12.What do you call a chav in a suit?
The accused

13.What do you say to a chav in a uniform?
Big Mac and Fries please.

JOKE SECTION

A dog named Penis

Whenever I get lost, My penis points me in the right direction.

I think My penis is getting old because he won't get excited anymore. He just plays dead.

My penis got out last night. I think he's sleeping with the lady next door.

If My penis was a weinerdog, he would be long and hairy and hard to carry.

My penis loves to chase pussies in dark alleys.

Help! I can't find My penis!

Sorry to be driving so slow, officer, but I was looking for My penis.

My penis gets excited whenever the mailman comes.

Sorry to be driving so fast, officer but I have to take My penis to the hospital.

OH NO! Something bit My penis!

Watch it or you'll step on My penis.

When My penis behaves well, he gets a bone.

Stop kicking My penis.

When riding in the car, My penis enjoys sticking his head out to be blown.
My penis is truly man's best friend.

Beware of My penis. He's carrying a disease.

People say My penis looks cute lying down, but even better when standing at attention.

My penis: the crotch-sniffer.

There's nothing like a well-trained Bitch for My penis.

I've trained My penis to jump through hoops.

My penis always searches for an open hand under the dinner table.

Excuse me - I need a muzzle for My penis
My penis ate my homework.

OH NO! My penis is frothing at the mouth!

Sorry I'm late. I was playing with My penis.

I'm sorry, Officer. I didn't realize I had to keep My penis on a leash.

My penis doesn't come when I call it.

My penis likes to crawl between the legs of guests.

I love giving My penis a bath.

At night, I sleep with My penis in my hands.

My penis likes it when people pet him.

My penis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds.

Playing with My penis really wears me out.

Would you like to see a picture of My penis?

Sometimes I wake up, and My penis is already active.

I think My penis has a mind of its own.

I keep a picture of My penis in my wallet

One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun.
They
have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already
asleep
on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the top bunk.
As you
might expect things start to heat up.

The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells
his
girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants it harder and "tomato" if
she
wants a new position.

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

She screams.

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Whoa!!!

PULL IT OUT!!!

PULL IT OUT NOW!!!

I can't get pregnant!

Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey, would you guys stop making
sandwiches up there! You're getting mayonnaise all over my
face!*!*!*!*!

*a girls first time*
(Assume you are a girl if you are a boy)
It's your first time. As you lie back your
muscles tighten. You put him
off for a while searching for an excuse, but he
;refuses to be swayed as he
approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you
shake your head bravely.
He has had more experience, but it's the first
time his finger has found
the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver;
your body tenses; but
he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks
deeply within your eyes
and tells you to trust him - he's done this many
times before. His cool
smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him
;more room for an easy
entrance.You begin to plead and beg him to hurry,
but he slowly takes his
time, wanting to cause you as little pain as
possible. As he presses
;closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give
way; pain surges throughout
your body and you feel the slight trickle of
blood as he continues. He
looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too
painful.Your eyes are
filled with tears but you shake your head and nod
for him to go on. He
begins going in and out with skill but you are
now too numb to feel him
within you. After a few moments, you feel
something bursting within you and
he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to
have it over. He looks
at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with
chuckle; that you have been
his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your
dentist. After all,it was your first time to have
a tooth pulled.
Naughty, Naughty!

What were you thinkin' ?

PERVERT
I know what you were thinking!

A man and his wife went to bed one night and the man was getting very frisky and asked his wife if she was in the mood. His wife answered, "Not tonight dear I have a headache."

The man replied, "Is that your final answer"? She said, "Yes."

...He said. "Ok, then, I'd like to phone a friend."

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