I love my dad very much but he is gone now.He is in a better place.He decided to leave us.I miss him so much and so does my mother and my brother.We have survived 16 weeks.I don't know how much longer me or my family, HIS family, can survive.I never thought I could ever live without him.I never thought I would make it if he was gone.I never thought I would have to try. My mom is not doing well. She is not doing well at all and there is nothing I can do to help. All I can do is pray and pray I will.
I live on the streets now cuz my mom doesn't want to deal with me and my problems and shit.But don't worry about me I'm doing great.Well as good as someone in my position could be.*sigh




"R.I.P." By:Sherrin M. Tredwell
[Years have come and gone.
Many tears have been shead
I look up at the sky
And ask "why?"
Maybe i'll never know.
maybe i will who knows
for days i cried myself to sleep.
how long will this pain last?
i can feel your presance now
i just wish i could getsome answers
to the many questions
i have
one day i'll get them
for now dont worry about me
just rest in peace.
no more pain or fear,
your up above living in peace]






shalom ppl.
i live in Spokane washington.
i am in the 12th grade.
i basically love everybody.
I am Jewish by birth and Christian by religeon.
if u have any questions just talk to me and ask.
i can never get tired of talking to ppl and i can never have enough friends!




I have all these people in my life who are supposedly my friends but how many of them really are? People in my life have come and gone alot.People I thought cared about left me and treated me as a nobody towards other people.I have very few people in my life that have been with me for a long time (besides family) and out of those few people I have none who I feel like really loves me and really cares.I can only think of 2 people that might truly care.I have known one for 6 years and the other one I Guess I met when we were much younger but we don't really remember so I'll say I've known him for 2 years now.They may be my only true friends but only if they are not pretending to care when thay really hate me.
I know this guy. I met him while living with my aunt.I thoght he might like me (as a friend and stuff) but he didn't.He just pretended to I guess.
Why do people do this to me?
People wanna know why I'm so depressed all the time.The answer is simple.Because nobody loves me.Thats all i ask for in this life. It's all I have ever asked for and the only person who I know really loved me is dead. Dead and It's all my fault.
Maybe thats why nobody loves me. I screw everything up all the time.
Why do people work so hard on trying to stop me from killing myself, then after I say I wont they act they don't care about me or hate me or some other crap like that.
Why are humans so screwed up???????????



<a href="http://clandestine.buzznet.com/user/photos/?id=3578620" ></a>

This is Peter Wentz.The bass player from the best band in the world, Fall Out Boy.


<a href="http://clandestine.buzznet.com/user/photos/?id=3578602" ></a>

Peter Wentz is kissing his reflection in the mirror!lol


<a href="http://clandestine.buzznet.com/user/photos/?id=3288337" ></a>

Gotta love Pete!


<a href="http://clandestine.buzznet.com/user/photos/?id=3288322" ></a>


<a href="http://clandestine.buzznet.com/user/photos/?id=3233592" ></a>



[92% of the teen population would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch said it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Repost this if you are one of the 8% who would be laughing your ass off.]


**ReAd ThIs PuT iT oN uR sItE iF u WoUlD dO iT fOr SoMeOnE tHaT u LoVe................. A girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on the road, riding a motorcycle...
Girl: Slow down. Im scared.
Guy: No, this is fun!
Girl: No, it's not please, it's too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
*Girl hugs him tightly.*
Guy: Can you take my helmet off and put it on? It's bugging me.
*Girl removes his helmet and puts it on.*

In the local paper the next day: motorcycle crashed into a building because of brake failure. Two people riding, only one survived.

The truth: halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes broke, he didnt want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him and felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.



"Imagination is more important than knolage"
-Albert Einstein

"Dream as if you'll live forever,live as if you'll die today."
         -James Dean

"A dream is your creative vision for your life in the future.
You must break out of your current comfort zone and become
  comfortable with the unfamiliar and the unknown."
     - Denis Waitley

A girl asked a boy if she was pretty,
he said no.
She asked him if he wanted
to be with her forever,
he said no.
She then asked him if he would
cry if she walked away,
he again said no...
She had heard too much
she needed to leave
as she walked away
with tears in her eyes
he grabbed her arm
and told her to stay
he then told her...
You're not pretty
you're beautiful.
I don't want to be with you forever,
I need to be with you forever.
I wouldn't cry if you walked away
I would die...


001: [Name:] Lea
002: [Nickname:] leia
003: [Country of living:] USA
004: [Birthdate:] October/13/1988
005: [Length:] 5'2
006: [Eye color:] blue usually
007: [Shoesize:] 9
008: [School/work:] school and work
009: [You smoke:] very little
010: [Hobby's:] rollerblading and momopoly
011: [Brothers or sisters:] 1 brother 
013: [Piercing(s):]just ears but i will get more soon
014: [Tattoo:] not yet but coming soon
015: [Favorite Country to go to:] Israel and canada
016: [Are there people you won't reply to?:] ummm not really
017: [Nicest person you meet this year:] Skeeter and amanda
018: [Person you rather not have meet this year:] I don't know
019: [Who would you like to meet:]Peter Wentz
020: [Who do you admire most:] It was my father
022: [Favorite Pajamas(clothes to sleep in):] none
023: [Favorite Car:] i dont know
024: [Favorite Movie(s):] too many
026: [Favorite City(s):] seatlle-san fransisco-spokane
027: [Favorite Plush(stuffed animals)The one my father gave me
028: [Favorite perfume:]) velocity
029: [Favorite Magazine:] don't have one
030: [Favorite sound:] sound? What kind of a question is that?? Music?
031: [Favorite TV-series:] simpsons, that 70's show, family guy
032: [Favorite Writer:]Stephan King
033: [Favorite Nickname:] Leia
034: [What is on your mouse pad :] my mouse......duh
035: [What all is under your bed:] i don't know..... hopefully nothin
036: [Favorite color:] blue and black
037: [Favorite Song ever:] Sugar, Were Going Down
038: [Favorite song at this moment:] Sugar, Were Going Down
039: [Favorite food:] i love food.......all food
040: [Favorite class in school:] math
041: [Favorite drink:] lost energy drink
042: [Lucky numbers:] 3
043: [What do you think is the greatest thing about yourself:] I have nothing great about me
044: [What deodorant do you use:] dove
045: [Favorite shoes:] i dont know
046: [What time do you go to bed on weekdays:] whenever i fall asleep
047: [What word do you use most:] oy
048: [Most romantic moment in your life:] i dont know
049: [Most embarassing moment in your life:] don't have one
050: [Would you rather spend your time, inside or outside:] Outside
051: [What do you do in the weekends:] chill w/ my friends and rollerblade
052: [What class on school do/did you dislike most:] biology
053: [Your Breakfast:] i dont eat breakfest
054: [What do you really, really dislike to eat:] greenbeans
055: [Pets:] none
057: [Serious or funny:] Both… Depends on my mood
058: [Fast or slow:] sloooooooow
059: [You prefer being alone or have relationship with someone:] relationship even tho i always get hurt in the end
060: [Simple or complicated?:] complicated
061: [Cremate or Buried when you die:] buried
062: [Sex or alcohol:] what i cant have both? alcohol leads to sex J/K alcohol is my answer
063: [Stay up late or go to bed early:] late
064: [Light or dark?:] dark
065: [Speak or Silence:] speak
066: [Do you like a Tall or small guys:] umm....tall i guess
067: [Newspaper or Television:] t.v
068: [Hug or kiss:]Both
069: [Happy or Sad:] sad
070: [Life or Death:] death
071: [Gig or Disco:] what the f***????
072: [Left or Right:] left
073: [Sausages on top, or on the side:] not hungry
074: [Brunetts or Blondes:] … Both
075: [What would you ask God if you could ask him 1 single question:] Could you tell my father I love him and that he was never a failure as a husband, father, or man? 
076: [You believe in reincarnation:] no
077: [You believe in Aliens:] no
078: [When you die, what will be your last words?:]I'm sorry
079: [Does true love exist:] no
080: [How many kids would you like to have:] if im still alive alot of them, if i got my life togother
081: [What is the one thing you can't stand:] me
082: [Best feeling in the world:] the feeling i get when Josh holds me in is arms.
083: [Worst feeling in the world:] the feeling I get when I think about Josh committing suicide
084: [What are you afraid of:] never being loved
085: [Are you an emotional person:] very!
086: [Do you ever cry during a movie:] no 087: [Your goal in life:] live
088: [What was the promise you made to yourself at new years eve:] i don’t believe in promises
089: [Favorite art-artist:] don't know any...i just like art
090: [As what animal would you like to reincarnate:] i don't know.I don't believe in reincarnation
091: [What is the best part of a guy:] his smile and his eyes
092: [Most original place to ask your love to marry you:] I don't know
093: [What do you think of Elftown:] IT'S AWESOME!!!
094: I[s there something you miss about elftown:] no...not really
095: [Where did you get this question list:] people
096: [Besides elftown, what do you do most on your PC:] myspace
101: [WHICH FINGER IS YOUR FAVORITE?]
UMM....dont have one.
102: [WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?] last night
103: [HAVE U ANSWERED THESE QUESTIONS B4?] yes
104:[WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?] I don't know
105: [ANY BAD HABITS?] saying i dunno and not having an opinion
106: [WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON YOUR SHELF?] I don't know
107: [ARE YOU A DAREDEVIL?] sometimes
108: [HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT 2 TELL?] no
109: [HOW DO YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER?] rollerblading
110: [WHERE IS YOUR 2ND HOME?] Sharon and Micks house
111: [DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?] kinda
112: [WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?] didn't have a favorite toy
[113. WHAT CLASS IN SCHOOL IS TOTALLY USELESS?] biology
[114. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL?] yes but I never write in it
[115. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?] know why would i ever want to use that sarcasm thing?(yes)
[116. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?] yes
[117. WHAT DO U LOOK 4 IN A GUY?] great personality, very cute, someone i can talk to easily, and who makes me laugh, and who loves me for who i am.
[118. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE SINGER?] Fall Out Boy
[119. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?] Leia
[120. IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO?] Israel-Austraila(Josh wants to go there and if he goes I go)
[121. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?] HELL YA
[122.DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?] sometimes
[123. DO YOU THINK YOUR STRONG? a little for my size. I put up a good fight
[124. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?] chocolate chip cookie dough
[125. SHOE SIZE?] 9
[126. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?]  blue,black
[127. WUT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE FOOD?] greenbeens
[128. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?] no idea
[129. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAV A CRUSH ON YOU RIGHT NOW?] too many to count.my heart belongs to Josh though.
[130. WHO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?] my father
[131. WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?] blue
[132. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING 2 RIGHT NOW?] Supercicks
[133. LAST THING YOU ATE?] I can't remember.It was a while ago
[134.IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?]black
[135. WHAT IS THE WEATHER LIKE RIGHT NOW?] sunny
[136. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED 2 ON THE PHONE?] Orion
[137. THE 1ST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?] eyes
[138. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?] depressed and suicidle and paranoid. Just an average day
[139. FAVORITE DRINK?] lost energy drink
[140. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?] vodka and mike's hard lemonaid
[141. FAVORITE SPORT?] volly ball 
[142. HAIR COLOR?] brown
[143. EYE COLOR?] blue
[144. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?] no
[145. FAVORITE CHOCOLATE?] Hershey milk chocolate
[146. FAVORITE MONTH?] october
[147.FAVORITE FOOD?] fruit
[148. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?] i dont remember
[149. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?] I don't know
[150. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?] no way
[151. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING?]
Scary movies
[152. SUMMER OR WINTER?] Spring:)
[153. HUGS OR KISSES?] both
[154: RELATIONSHIPS OR 1-NIGHT STANDS?] I don't know, both I guess
[155: LIVING ARRANGEMENTS?] my room
[156: WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?] A book called blue genes.It's written by some docter and my mom wantsd me to read it cuz she is afriad I am gonna kill myself like my father did 12 days ago and this book will supposivly help me.
[157: WHAT'S ON YOUUR MOUSE Pad?] a mouse
[158: WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?]nothing
[159: FAVORITE SMELL?] Vanilla
[160: WHAT IS THE 1ST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE ^?] Why?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why does it feel the same
To fall in love or break it off
And is love is just a game
Then I must have missed the kick off

From the song'Going Away To College by:Blink 182
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I need: love
I find: emptiness inside myself
I want: happiness
I have: regrets
I wish: I was dead
I hate: my life
I fear: myself
I am: lonely
I love: . . . . . . .
I miss: him
I feel: unhappy
I smell: death
I hear: voices
I know: I shouldn't be here
I crave: to slip into a "dream" and never wake up again.
I should: stop
I search: my mind
I wonder: if life will ever get better
I regret: everything I've done
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHEN YOU OPEN YOUR EYES...
AND ALL YOU SEE ARE TEARS...
YOU KNOW YOUVE BEEN HURT...
ONE TO MANY TIMES!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boy: i saw her today
Girl: i saw him today
Boy: It seems like its been forever
Girl: I wonder if he still cares
Boy: She looks better than ever
Girl: I couldnt stop staring at him
Boy: i asked her how things were going
Girl: i asked about his new girlfriend
Boy: Id choose her over any girl im with
Girl: Hes probably really happy
Boy: i couldnt even look at her without crying
Girl: He couldnt even look at me
Boy: I told her i missed her
Girl: I know he hadnt
Boy: I meant it
Girl: He didnt mean it
Boy: i love her
Girl: he loves his new girlfriend
Boy: I held her one last time
Girl: He gave me a friendly hug
Boy: Then i went home and cried
Girl: Then i went home and cried
Boy: i lost her..
Girl: i still love him



THE 10 COMMENDMENTS OF A CHEMICAL ROMANCE

1. Thou shalt not put a gun to thy lover's head.

2. Thou shalt be willing to die for love.

3. Thou shalt seek revenge on those who wrong you

4. Thou shalt be a demolition lover

5. Thou shall unleash the bats

6. Thou shalt protect thy lover from everything (even vampires)

7. Thou shalt respect the lord, Gerard.

8. Thou shalt sing the holy hymns of the chemical romance

9. Thou shalt see beauty in bloody love.

10. Thou shalt rock hard



I DO NOT CYBER SO DON'T MESSEGE ME FOR IT!!!

~If you're going to insult me, go ahead, I don't care
~If you're threatening to ruin my life go ahead, I don't fear dying or suicide, or satisfying your wishes of my death.
~ If you're going to insult me, don't say something stupid like 'you're ugly' because I already know that. How about at least trying to hurt my feelings?



[96% OF TEENS WON'T STAND UP FOR GOD...
REPOST THiS iF YOU'RE ONE OF THE 4% WHO WiLL]