The netpaper about Elftowners, by Elftowners, for Elftowners.
[Mirime] and [All_Most PUNK]: the wedding and the honeymoon!
A Town Herald Wedding
By: [Faery] and [Mirime]
Once upon a time, there were two adorable Elftowners who liked to laugh a lot and secretly liked each other very much, although it might not have been such a secret to anyone around them. They were called [
Mirime] and [
All_Most PUNK], but for the sake of their story, we will call them Punk and… err… Mirime. Okay, where was I… Oh yes! Once upon a time…
Mirime and Punk were both working very hard on an e-zine called “The Elftown Herald,” generally known among us journalists as “The Herald”. So, once upon a time… this is getting redundant, isn’t it? Anyway, Mirime and Punk were working really hard; Mirime under the orders of Punk for whatever article they were preparing. Punk, never happy with anyone’s work but his was annoying her, but in a very selfless and angelic manner, Mirime answered,
“I was doing what you told me to!” and stuck her tongue out at him.
This put a smile back on Punk’s face, as he liked it a lot when Mirime did what he asked her to do. Then, a lightning bolt struck him, and he realised she was the women of his life. I know this is cheesy, but tell HIM about it! I’m only writing the story! And so he exclaimed,
“Ah, good girl, good girl. Now, will you marry me or not?” Mirime considered.
“Maybe...”
Punk, who was now down on one knee and looking at her with begging eyes, was starting to find his position quite a bit uncomfortable. And so he thought of another tactic. As is public knowledge, no girl can resist a singer and his guitar, and so Punk added with half a smile,
“I changed my guitar's strings, so I can sing to you.” This had Mirime melting in no time and her eyes shone. How could she resist? So, she finally answered,
“Aww… of course!” Punk, caught by surprise, jumped back on his feet and asked again,
“So, you'll marry me?”
All the romantic talk must have gotten to their heads, because Mirime suddenly murmured to herself with a smile,
“Yes… It smells like perfume.” Punk jumped with joy to this answer, but was startled at first by her reference to perfume. He asked her what smelled like perfume, and when she told him it was in the air, he looked up and inquired,
“Can you hear the music?”
Both were very touched by how romantic the scene must be, but they felt that the office wasn’t really the place to continue their story, and so they moved to a more appropriate setting. Punk wasn’t sure what to do next, so Mirime took things in hand. But then, it’s also common knowledge that in terms of weddings and so on, most men know how to be cute and romantic but it’s really women who have to deal with business! And so, in a falsely shy voice and a big smile, Mirime prompted,
“Kiss me” Therefore he kissed her, and called for some rice to be showered upon them… Well, it’s tradition, you know? And [
irulan] answered his call and threw handfuls of rice on the merry couple and asked to open the champagne because she liked bubbles. Punk invited the whole crew to party and get drunk, and everyone had lots of fun, especially Irulan. But then Punk remembered another tradition and said,
“Wait, you brought a present, didn't you?”
And while Punk and Mirime were shamelessly kissing in front of the whole crowd, and Mirime stated picking rice from her wedding dress, Irulan answered cheerfully,
“Uh, of course. You don't already have 10 bread machines do you?” Punk, who was wondering where he put the ring until he found it on Mirime’s finger, distractedly answered,
“No, not 10. I have 11, but not 10. Thank you very much!”
But other, more pressing things were on his mind. Who says wedding says honeymoon, and everything had happened so fast that they hadn’t had time to think about their destination. This is what happens when you have no formal proposal or engagement. Punk proposed the Polls district in the United States, but Mirime protested that a battleground was no place for a honeymoon. After some thought he asked her where she wanted to go, and she excitedly replied,
“Hmm... Oz!!” They climbed onto his magic carpet, and so once again she obeyed him and they flew off in direction of Oz. The night was windy, as Mirime realised when her hair started getting into her eyes, but Punk had other things on his mind.
“Have you thought about the wedding night?” Punk asked with a wink.
“Depends on where we're ...sleeping” Mirime replied.
“Umm, the possibilities!
” Punk said happily.
Mirime rejected the idea of sleeping in the Emerald city because all houses are see-through. Punk too was thinking about something less strange and… more private! Mirime asked him to pick, and the conversation changed to where they were going to live. The US was rejected, but as Australia was a hotter and less wizard-filled Oz, they settled on going there. By then, they had discussed other places, such as Ankh-Morpok (rejected by Mirime) and Kandor (One of the Borderlands of Wheel of Time), but for this one Mirime had to show Punk a map, so it kind of fell aside. Besides, Punk felt a little stupid and he moaned a little jokingly,
“And my perfect memory failed me on the worst moment... in front of my wife.” Mirime said she didn’t mind, but when Punk said it was never a good idea, even with the most understanding wife, she took the opportunity to have a bit of fun at Punk’s expense, and added with a wink,
“Well, sometimes I will mind… but you won't know when I do mind so it'll keep you in line.” Punk got caught in her web, and unaware of the eventual consequences he exclaimed with wide eyes,
“Damn! I'm trapped with an expert on psychological warfare!” Like a cat playing with a mouse, Mirime smiled and asked, looking innocent, if that was a bad thing. Punk, trying to get out of the situation, argued that being trapped with her was great, but that the warfare part kind of scared him. Well, not that she was the one who talked about warfare; but she did somehow agree about it. In a metaphorical sense, of course! It still made Punk nervous, anyway. Explaining went on and on, until old conversations were brought up and Punk said,
“Yeah, I get it. Remember the time you had to explain the green ajah thing to me? I think that was worse.” Mirime didn’t remember that time, and at this she needed practice to equal her new husband. But this could wait; right now, the night was waiting for them…
The next morning, Punk was talking with Lerune, who let slip a word about the monthly Town Herald orgies, which Mirime hadn’t heard about. Punk tried to hush things up, but Mirime heard about them anyway. As Punk was saying sheepishly to Lerune,
“Weeellllll, y'know... it's not an easy topic... You are not on the table and just say ‘By the way, we need to pay the rent... Oh, and tomorrow is the monthly orgy. Pass me the salt.’ It's not easy to talk about salt in a situation like that.”
Mirime noticed Punk’s bad grammar and giggled about him saying that they were ON the table that morning. You know you can do plenty of stuff ON a table… eat, for example… but other things too. Punk said he’d enjoyed being ON the table that morning, but Mirime, after agreeing it was great, with a smile and a little laugh, brought the conversation back to the question of the monthly orgies.
“Well, I'm glad you enjoyed this morning… Yes, so what about these, Punky dear?” Punk backed away, trying to get himself out of this situation and saying that the orgies weren’t as interesting as being with her... But then you know how these things usually end up… Weddings, I mean!
THE END
(And they all lived happily ever after!)
Stumble!