Here is the next amish page, but there is nothing posted here yet... check back to see the rest of the deadly sins, and then whatever else I come up with! Cy'all soon!
   [M_Sinner]

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Chapter 5 The Seven Deadly Sins: The sin of Sloth

1) God watched as his people grew in number and in Wisdom of the ways of the Amish.
2) And for many moons, the Amish followed God’s Laws, Not eating of the Cute little animals, nor urinating upon the plants, nor did they commit of the deadly sin of gluttony… Lust is a very deadly sin…
3) But upon one day, The High Priest… Yoder… Was walking to his home from the barn, but became quite lost. 
4) He traveled among the fields, searching for a way home, and came upon a road, and looking down the road, he saw that it passed close to his house.
5) And so… Yoder… Said to God, “Why should I not follow this road to my house? I shall not set foot upon it, for that violates the law as it is written upon the Barn.”
6) And so… Yoder… Followed the road, but found that his feet were snared by the thorns and the weeds of the ground… which the morons had no doubt urinated upon.
7) Yoder… wished not to touch the Plants of the ground, for the gleamed yellow, and so he said unto God, “I shall take step on the road, only to avoid the urination of the morons, and speed my travel home!” For… Yoder… was becoming lazy.
8) And… Yoder… set foot upon the road. And he was hit by a ‘vehicle’ of the morons, as it speed down the road at 90 miles per hour. 
9) And when… Yoder… awakened, he had a vision from the Lord his God, and the Lord said unto him,
10) “DID I NOT TELL YOU TO REMAIN OFF THE ROADS, LEST THE MORONS DASH YOU ASSUNDER?”
11) But… Yoder… was still half unconscious.
12) And responded, “Gshraplin?”
13) And God said, “YES… I WILL GRANT THIS THING TO YOU.”
14) And sop God blessed the Amish with the ability to travel upon the roads, but only when sitting in a carriage carried by… Cows. But God cursed them with the deadly sin… Of Sloth.
…Here ends the reading… Amen!



Chapter 6 The Seven Deadly Sins: The Sin of Greed

1) And the Amish continued to increase in number through the generations, creating many more cow-and-buggies.
2) And one Amish decided to devote his entire life to the creation of the cow and buggies, and his name was 'Jebedikial.'
3) And 'Jebedikial' made for God's people all of the cow and bugies, getting in return many, many pieces of bubblicious.
4) He earned so many pieces that he could not eat of all of it. 
5) And so he fed it to the cows.
6) And the bubblicious increased the cows' milk amounts by tenfold, and there was much happiness amoong all of the Amish.
7) Until the year which God cursed his people with a milk famine.
8) (For a group of drunken farmers, having ingested too much fermented milk, dared each other to run accross a road. They all ran across at once, and were all dashed asunder.)
9) And all of the people turned to their beloved high priest... Yoder... and begged of him, "Where shall we get our milk?"
10) And... Yoder... his jaw having been severely damaged in the dashing asunder, said, "Fasjnfj..."
11) And the people praised him for his wisdom, and went to the barn of 'Jebedikial', calling unto him, "Got Milk?"
12) And 'Jebedikial' responded, calling down from his high chicken-coup, was consumed by greed, "What shalt thou give unto me?"
13) And the people saw that they had nothing, and turned again to the high priest for guidance.
14) And... Yoder... called unto the Lord, saying, "Gioasdfnla!!! Gnjaklj, gional ajslbna jlvak giuna!!!"
15) And so God granted the Amish with the gift of Pitchforks and torches, but cursed them with the deadly sin... of Greed.
...Here ends the reading... Amen!



Chapter 7 The Seven Deadly Sins: The Sin of Wrath

1) And Gods people looked again upon the barn of 'Jebedikial' and saw that he had closed the door to his chicken coup.
2) The Amish were confused by these new gifts, and tried many things with them, first attempting to climb the pitchforks, and then trying to throw them at the chicken coup.
3) Finally, the Hig priest... Yoder... commented "igtyadjl" And the people were ashamed at their ignorance.
4) And the Amish threw open the doors of the barn, climbing upon the ladder up towards the chicken coup.
5) Throwing open the door, the people found the great master of the cow and buggies reclining in the hay, his back to them, and he was blowing with the bubblicious a bubble the likes of which had never been seen before, and never shall be seen again.
6) And the Amish all examined theier pitchforks quietly, and looked upon the bubble.
7) And God blessed the Amish with new clothes, and bathtubs, but cursed them with the deadly sin... of Wrath.
...Here ends the reading... Amen!



Chapter 8 The Seven Deadly Sins: The Sin of Pride

1) And the Amish, after having changed their clothes, and bathing many times over, again turned to their new gifts from God, studying and learning of them.
2) But one which they could not understand was the gift of torches, for it burned them when they examined it.
3) And so, one day, as they studied the torches in the fields, they became frustrated, and threw all of the torches on the ground, yelling great profanities at it.
4) And the fields and Barns of the Amish were caught all ablaze, and burned for 3 months, 6 days, 2 hours, and 18 minutes.
5) But during this time, as the Amish shivered in the cold, a young boy by the name of *Obedihel* studied the fire more.
6) And he found that the fire could produce warmth without burning its user (for to this point the Amish had only huddled and chewed of the bubblicious for warmth).
7) And the people praised him for his accomplishment.
8) And when the Barns had been rebuilt, and the fields had been planted again, there was held a special ceremony to honor the young boy, *Obedihel* in which all of the Amish who had survived the tragic accident of the bubblicious attended.
9) And the High Priest... Yoder... Asked of the boy, "Fdoiasd, DFjiog gand fjdlans jld?"
10) And the boy replied, "I tamed the fire!"
11) And when all were merry and joyous.
12) And one day, as the morons sped by in their vehicles, they stopped and asked the boy, "Yo what up my homey Gee Dawug?"
13) And *Obedihel* responded, "I tamed fire!"
14) And the morons sped forth, making noises as a chicken of illegitimate descent at him.
15) And when he had arrived at his home, he stopped at the barn of 'Jabedikial' and called unto him.
16) And 'Jebedikial' stuck out his head, which was like that of an angry porcupine (for he had never recovered from the tragic event) and called down, "What the hell do you want?!"
17) And *Obedihel* responded, "I tamed-"
18) And 'Jebedikial' let loose his army of cow and buggies upon the boy, trampeling him until his body had become like the chewed bubblicious.
19) And all were merry and joyous.
20) And so God granted His people the gift of warmth, but cursed them with the deadly sin... of Pride.
... Here ends the reading... Amen!



Chapter 9 The Seven Deadly Sins: The Sin of Envy

1) And ‘Jebedikial,’ having such wealth of bubblicious that he knew not what to do with it, spent it upon the making of a new place to abide.
2) And he called it a house.
3) And, having no forests (for they had all been burned down in the recent fires, the barns being made with the grain, for the Amish had no other use for it), he made his house out of a new finding. And he called this new exotic weed that he found “coffee beans.”
4) And he took the beans that grew on the ground, building a great house made of the coffee beans, held together by the masses of bubblicios.
5) And all marveled upon the great brown mound of brown and pink.
6) They were so enthralled, in fact, that the high priest… Yoder… said unto his peoples “Fnisl… Gdnd jbln bfl ilonajdsgnl!”
7) And God’s people realized that it did, indeed look as the granola had. And the peoples remembered the joyous times of the granola, and ate of the Coffee House.
8) And they continued to eat of it until the sun had set, and they began to try to sleep.
9) But found that they could not.
10) And so, they had the brilliant idea to run through the fields, naked and screaming, until they passed out.
11) And they all slept happily, until the next day.
12) For they desired more of the coffee beans.
13) And when they came upon the half-house of ‘Jebedikial,’ they called unto him, saying “Where did you find this wondrous thing? We need to know where we might find it!”
14) And ‘Jebedikial’ whose head was like that of an angry porcupine, looked out at them and said, “Go to hell!”
15) But the Amish hated him for his knowledge of the coffee bean.
16) And so the Amish went once again to get the pitchforks and the torches. But one of the Amish, while running with great haste, fell to the ground, and began to set the fields ablaze.
17) And God, seeing this, said, “NOT AGAIN…”
18) And sent down a thunderstorm upon the Amish, putting out the fires and dissolving ‘Jebedikial’s’ house.
19) And the Amish saw this, and followed the brown waters to their sources, some going to the house of ‘Jebedikial,’ and others going to the secret grove of the all giving coffee bean.
20) And for many nights, the Amish ran through the fields, naked and screaming, for God had blessed them with the great gift of coffee, but cursed them with the deadly sin… of Envy.



This is the end of this section... but I am currently working on getting the next phase of this project going... Bwahahaha!!!
 Back to Lost Book of the Bible:The Book of Amish
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