LANCE
And who are you?

ADOLF
Got a light?

LANCE
I know you - you're - (to self) You're kinda hot.

ADOLF
I'm just out, I have neighbours to meet
I've never had all these people to greet
Would you show me around?
What are you staring at?

LANCE
Nothing... erm, I like your moustache.
You look familiar...
How's your day been?

ADOLF
I haven't beaten anyone today
At least the Nazis are winning
Anyway. What?

LANCE
Nothing, your moustache reminded me of

ADOLF
I always remind people of some history.

LANCE (to self)
They lied. He ain't a bad guy.

ADOLF
I still don't know
How to get around this hole
Would you show me around?

LANCE
Well...

ADOLF
Ya. Ow!

LANCE
Oh, your 'stache - it's

ADOLF
Slipping! I like it - between my (nose and lip is where that's going)

LANCE (to self)
He's gay! No way ...
Oh, well. Goodnight ...
Need my "help" again?

ADOLF
No - I think that dropped my 'stache

LANCE
I know I've seen you somewhere, in a book?
Did I tell you I cook?
(to self) wish I could look...

ADOLF
I'm illin' - I had it when
I walked in the door... *looks as though he's been caught doing something*
It was real!

LANCE
Is it on the floor?

ADOLF
The floor? *bends over*

LANCE (to self)
I'd say that you have the best ass
I've ever seen. Are you real?

ADOLF
What?

LANCE
You look better without it.

ADOLF
Oh no!
I mean do you... really think so?-
I mean -

LANCE
You look familiar

ADOLF (curiously)
Like an ex-girlfriend?

LANCE *grins*
I've never had one,
But I'm sure I've seen you
Somewhere else -

ADOLF
Do you go to the Auschwitz Camp?
That's where they work - my men.

LANCE
Yes! You always tie them up -

ADOLF
If they're Jewish.

LANCE
I didn't recognize you,
Without the swastikas.

ADOLF
We could join our forces
Oh why don't we join forces?

LANCE
Why don't you forget that stuff
You don't look like you're mean

ADOLF
I am mean - I'm just short for my job.
I'm just born to be bad

LANCE
I once was born to be bad
I used to kill like that

ADOLF
I lack direction - I told you

LANCE
I used to hate

ADOLF
I got a complex

LANCE
Uh huh
I used to commit murder

ADOLF
But now and then I like to

LANCE
Uh huh

ADOLF
Feel superior

LANCE
Oh, here it - um

ADOLF
What's that?

LANCE
Uh, not your moustache?

ADOLF
We could just join forces
Oh, why don't we join forces?

LANCE
The power's gone out...

ADOLF
Our eyes'll adjust, thank the Aryans for the moon

LANCE
Maybe it's not the moon at all
I hear the Gestapo's executing down the street

ADOLF
Heil Hitler... Heil Hitler
*Lance runs his hand through his hair. Adolf raises his eyebrow.*

ADOLF
Tough hands

LANCE *surprised*
Yours too.
Big. Like...mine are. *takes the plunge*
Do you wanna dance?

ADOLF
With you?

LANCE
No - with my father *rolls eyes*
I'm Lance.

ADOLF
They call me
They call me Adolf...

*grabs Lance's hand, spins in close, end scene*