Most of you wanted to know about my life... in a few days seeing as i have the whole week off this will be filled with stories about my whole life!!
This is just a short version of it!!
pain is being a baby and having your mom die during childbirth then having your dad die in a fight, your brother leaves because he thinks it's all your fault. When you are five you get stuck in a foster home where you get abused so much that you are almost dead by the time they take you out of there, you get put into another foster home that same year and you get even more fucked up there. you get put in yet another foster home and run away so much that you get stuck in Juvie (you are only 13 yrs old) While there you are stuck with a guy who rapes you thus the 2nd kid... (by the time you are 15 you have already had two kids) Then when you finally get out you are so fucked up you start drinking, one night you take a drive and get in an accident, you are in jail for a DUI and a third-degree murder (which you didn't commit) you by the way are only 16 years old... then you get into fights at school and get expelled then at another school you find out your sister OD'd and your brother comitted suicide. You find out that CPS is gonna take your kids away from you so you try to hide them... doesn't work... you figure you have nothing else to live for and foster homes don't want you because you are too fucked up for them (or anyone else to care) Then you get adopted and the people abuse you so you run again. You are constantly on the run. they finally find you and no matter how much you try to tell them you have changed they still put you into Juvie (you are too young to go to jail) You're there for 4 years and when you get out you have no where to go.you find a school and friends who have no idea about your life, or so you think. You've tried to kil yourself many many times and have been admitted to the hospital for it. When you turn 17 you find out that you are pregnant (kid #3) and also your real dad, yeah he didn't die you just never knew him and he doesn't want anything to do with you. Finally you stop and five months later you have your kid only to have him taken by CPS. The families that adopted your kids want nothing to do with you. You find a place that will take you in so you go and find out that in order to stay there you have to be willing to give youself up to them (you really need a place to stay) so you say fuck it and you do.Every night they get you and if you don't do it exactly like they want it they beat you into an unconcious state and when you wake the next day you can barely move. by now you are addicted to sex and meth hence the nickname tweak. Finally you decide to leave the house but two months later they find you and one pullsa knife and slices open your back (kind of a mark so they know who you are and can turn you into the cops later on if they want to). you are still addicted to meth so you steal money and items that will be of value from the local gas stations and the local rich person's house. You get arrested one nigh because your friend turns you in for the money. You get stuck with a football team that is supposed to turn you around. You meet a guy there and you fall in love then you have your 4th kid but "daddy's" not around anymore he left to go kill his bitch of a mom now he's in jail. You are stuck with a four month old kid.... then finally you find a guy who says he loves you but he was part of the house (the one that gave you that slice on your back) and just wanted sex... so you give it to him and then you find out you are pregnant again with twins this time... you have no idea when or if the football player is coming back.... you think your life is bad put yourself into the shoes of me i am now 17 have one kid and 2 on the way when these two are born i will have had a total of 6 kids!!
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more of my life story
This is my story... I had a great childhood. I guess I took it for granted. Loving parent's great family. Went 2 church all the time. I was even in awanas (church version of scouts). Well it changed when my grandpa died. He was my best friend in the world. The only 1 who understood me really. I was depressed and mad at every1 esp. God. How could he hurt a child? esp. 1 who loved him so much? Is what I thought. I stopped going to church. My grades fell. I got into fights almost every day. I lost all my friends. I started seeing my dead grandfather. (Yes I was wide awake). This would send me over the top. I wouldn't come out of my room for days. I missed allot of school. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to die. I joined about 35lbs. (for a 9yr old that's allot).
Then my parents split up. One night I woke up to my parents screaming and swearing at each other. My dad slamming the door and tearing out of the driveway. My mom ran upstairs grabbed me + we fallowed him 2 a bar where he was with a girl. My mom went in and got into a fight with them. Then the girl came out and tried to talk to me. And get me out of the car. I was scarred so I locked the doors, crawled under the seat and cried. My mom came racing out and we speed home. My mom was a little tipsy (I think) or just really pissed. I don't know which a 9 yr old can't really tell. When we got home and back into the house my mom drank a whole bottle of vodka straight. I just sat there on top of the stairs and watched her. When she was done, she ran up stairs (nearly falling 2 xs and whacking her head on the banister) to her room. She grabbed their wedding pic and smashed it on the ground. Then she started throwing up. My mom is a diabetic so she already has health problems. There I was 9. Holding my drunken mom's hair out of her face as she threw up. She finally fell asleep and I was left to sweep up the shattered remains of my parents picture.
They got back together and separated a few more times. I can no longer count. Things went allot like this until my freshmen yr in hs. I met a boy who introduced me to cults and "blood lust" as he called it. Freaky I know. I hung out with him for about a yr. I got into self mutilation. Contemplated suicide every day. Almost did it a few times. Every time I thought of my grandpa. It was like he was telling me no. I was really torn in 2 in these years. I was on the cheerleading squad and riffle team. Interesting mix huh? Everyone called me Jamie. "Jamie's got a gun". I started to work things out. I tried to stop hurting myself.
Then I met another boy. I finally found love! He was everything I was looking for. When I cried, he wiped my tears. When I needed an escape he would come get me. We were perfect together for 3.5 yrs. Then things got sexual. We didn't have sex (I am a virgin) but we did everything else. I didn't want to but went along with it because he “loved me”. Loved me so much that when I said I wasn't ready for sex. He found it at college while we were still going out. He did a lot of other stuff to.
He would call me fat. (I am 5'4” and 135lbs). I wanted to be his everything. I starved myself, took laxatives. Became anorexic and bulimic as well. I lost 20 lbs but still wasn't happy. I started having dizzy spells. I sometimes couldn't stand up straight. He thought it was because “he's so good” when really I hadn't eaten in 3 days. My parents never even noticed. One day when he brought me home I was so bad he had to carry me to my room help my with my pjs and get me into bed. The room was spinning and I was dry heaving. He called my parents. They didn't come home until 4:30 am.
He went back to college and we broke up again (like the 7th time) I was his girl home. Then I started hanging with this guy who was into cutting and partying. So I started cutting again. I would also do drugs with him.
I came home 1 night and my dad was gone he moved out (oh dear story 2 long!)
My parents got in a big fight I had to call the police. My dad left leaving a suicide note. They found him and locked him in a hospital for like a week. Then I wanted to live with him. So I moved out. My mom showed up drunk and I had 2 call cops again. The police told me 2 leave so I went to my friends house for 2 nights he kissed me while i was going out with a gret guy. Then I went back. I got kicked out a few weeks latter so I stayed at friends for a night and went back 2 moms house. Then my parents both wanted me so I switched back and forth every month. This really depressed me. I didn't get out of bed for a week. That's when it hit me the only time I had been happy was when I was following God.
So here I am. I am going to church as much as possible. Trying to help others deal with their problems like I wish they would have done for me. I am finally a little happier. More and more each day 2. God is helping me. I have made some life changing friends. I know it can be hard 2 believe sometimes because you can not see him. But u need faith. It's the only thing that can always be if only u believe.