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Pauly Book Character Meme Questionaire

~~~Stupid Meme Where I revealed more about my first novel than ever before. Folks, it's still a stupid meme.~~~

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The following was cut-and-pasted from a recent LiveJournal entry (note the <lj-cut></lj-cut> tags, which I am not bothering to remove.) The basic questionaire had you list twelve of your characters, and then answering 24 (hertofore unread) random questions. Sometimes they worked, sometimes they didn't. I found this meme kind of annoying, but if it sheds some light on the novel without revealing too much plot, then fine.

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EDIT: This was so time-consuming it took part of two nights to finish! Saved in-progress as "private", then publicized and updated when finished.

Choose twelve of your original characters, in any particular order. Then, answer the questions that follow, but DON'T LOOK AT THE QUESTIONS BEFORE YOU PICK THE CHARACTERS.

(um, OK? Listing characters, then copy/pasting questions from Danji's page)

(1.) "Pauly the Anthro-Dragon" P-the-AD for short---my avatar/fursona/scalysona/whatever. Though he is a vastly superior prototype for a race of genetically engineered, genetically flawed anthro-dragons for the yet-to-be-written fourth and fifth novels of my novel sequence (Book One is done, have started Book Two), he will not be in them. Why? Sometimes satirical/silly characters of an otherwise cool race destroy and undermine a more "serious" toned book or movie. I need think only of the Gungans from the <em>Star Wars</em> prequels, and how Jar Jar Binks (and Boss Nass, to a lesser extent) ruined <em>The Phantom Menace</em>. Even though the Gungans themselves were interesting, and kinda sexy as well. Anyway, P-the-AD is not as stupid as JarJar (he is actually extremely intelligent), is nimble and light on his feet despite his towering size (7'6", 450 pounds of muscle, wings, tail and the rest). He is certainly way stronger than I am, lives for a lot longer than I ever will, is way more promiscous than I am (until he settles down after finally falling in true love), is even goofier and off-the-wall than I am, is even more of a "jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none " than I am, and has natural weaponry I can only imagine. In short, he's a cariacature of me, and definitely not meant to be taken seriously. He may be an exaggerated, cartoonish reflection of me , but I am not necessarily a reflection of him ;-)

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Now on to actual novel characters, of whom I will be very brief as I don't want to spoil the surprise, if/when I actually become published . . .<hr />
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(2.) Phil Telkar In Book One he is a human in his early twenties, living in a contemporary, dusty and dying New Mexico town in a fictitious, blooming desert called Sanderston Valley, which is surrounded by hills and mountains, and sometimes gets hit by some rather violent weather. (Sanderston Valley is also used as an unspoken metaphor) Phil is the protagonist of the entire novel sequence, though he's not at all larger-than-life. On the outside, anyway. He is a disaffected loser who nevertheless has a good heart, a quietly terrifying will, and some extraordinary powers which he has no control over (once activated) and drastically alter reality. At the start of the first novel, it pretty much sucks to be Phil Telkar, but at least Phil knows he has some options available to change his life situation. The ethical solutions to his problems seem too protracted, too mundane to him. The unethical solutions are severely tempting, particularly since most of his problems were caused by his using his powers in the first place. In short, if he didn't have his powers, he'd just be a normal guy. Phil has a very good heart and quite a conscience, but being human he certainly has his flaws. And the rest? Read the novel when it's published! Everything in the first novel ultimately revolves around Phil. He's way too busy trying to fix his past mistakes to get a pretentious ego from playing God. (White male, mostly of Russian/Czech descent)
(3.) Tracy Parker. She is slightly older than Phil, definitely more stable and down-to-earth than he, and quite self-sufficient. She had a crush and a short relationship with Phil while they were in high school. She left Sanderston Valley to get an art degree at Rhode Island School of Design, and in the meantime matured faster than she is willing to admit. She also has a strong business sense, has a strong work ethic, and takes very good care of herself. (She is tall, athletic, and has an extremely shapely lower body.) Therefore, when the graphic design firm in Providence, RI goes down the tubes, she decides to return to Sanderston Valley, whose desert foliage has always moved and inspired her creative spirit. But she also misses Phil and feels very guilty how she basically left him in the dust. Also, back in high school Phil told her a bit too much about that which makes Phil tick . . . Tracy will also be in all five novels, and will be a very strong presence throughout. Tough and sexy and vibrant, she is. (White/Native American female)
(4.) George Robinson. Has been one of Phil's closest friends for many years, though Phil's struggles have inadvertently strained their friendship, as George is bending over backwards to accomodate Phil (against George's better judgment!) George is intimidatingly intelligent, and is also very handsome (even Tracy harmlessly flirts with him!) and is a gifted athlete who gets full notice from major league baseball scouts even though he is the ace starting pitcher for a Division III school which recruited him for his academic scientific skills rather than his split-fingered fastball. George is also an overzealous health-nut and a complete atheist. He is charming, but he can be very cold, and he definitely has a (somewhat justified!) swaggering, "I'm better than you" attitude about him. But he knows all about Phil's inner demons, and George listens to his conscience, trying to talk Phil out of doing something everyone might regret . . . (Black male)
(5.) B.J. Woodrow. A big, friendly, sort of naive guy. He is the other long-term friend who has stood by Phil. Much less intelligent than George (but not a moron, either) B.J. is way more down to earth and happily enjoys most of what George detests (cigar smoking, tobacco smoking, booze, the occasional bong hit, etc etc etc). He loves cars, guns, sports, firearms, hunting, drinking, gambling, women, and more women. Women tend to find him repulsive, though he has no shortage of male buddies at any level. Formerly an athlete, he dropped out of high school and is now overweight, out of shape and would be unemployed were it not for his dad's gun shop. B.J. secretly hates himself, even though he is basically a good guy who never consciously lets anyone down. He does not have the intelligence to comprehend Phil's abilities and inner demons, but all the same he sticks up for him and supports him 110%. Because he lives in a rented room in George's basement (and the fact he's never had a lasting relationship with a woman, though he has plenty of male pals) there's a rumor going around that B.J.'s secretly gay. It doesn't bother B.J. Compared to the others, B.J. is refreshingly uncomplicated. (White male)
(6.)Drew Telkar. Phil's younger brother, who is still in high school and would have been expelled long ago if the local laws permitted that. (They don't!) Drew is in some ways more fiercely intelligent than Phil could ever be. However, he has not reacted well to being Phil's younger brother (A lot of things have happened!) He has turned to hard-core drugs and alcohol, and basically ruined any hope of a future for himself. His health has worsened, too, and basically he has become a miserable, despicable loser whose life is over before it has really started. He even had a brief dalliance with Tracy, which was a highlight of Drew's past, but definitely something Tracy regrets. This causes a bit of tension. Yet Drew still has a bit of good left in him, and he does come through and make a difference. (White male, mostly of Russian/Czech descent)
(7.)Jesse Babcock. Phil's paternal middle-aged uncle, assigned as guardian to Drew (and Phil, before he turned 18). He changed his name years ago to disassociate himself from the name "Telkar", which itself was altered from "Telkarsky" to avoid a family blessing/curse (Phil's powers!) which has manifested itself in both Jesse (who no longer has the powers) and Phil. Jesse (like Drew) used to be a promising person who became broken-down, despicable, and pathetic. Were it not for Jesse's ties to Book One's antagonist, he would be a minor character. He has grown to hate Phil with every fiber of his existence, mostly out of jealousy and anger that Jesse's own powers were forcibly removed from him at a young age, and left him partially brain-damaged.(White male, mostly of Russian/Czech descent.)
(8.) Wade Richardson. The major antagonist of the novel. He is inextricably tied to Phil Telkar. At the core is a passionate, strong person with several admirable qualities. Yet because of his strange origins he feels he is less than human. He doesn't really want to be the leader of a paramilitary group that is the sole producer of a nightmarishly effective mind-altering recruiting drug. He realizes that what he is doing isn't right at all, but at the same time he has no guilt about running something that in a normal world would never last---the Peoples' Anarchy Front. He finds the PAF embarrassing, but he is resigned to fate and sticks with it, because the group has global connections and vast, untapped potential. After all, he was made to be this way? He'd sooner do without the PAF, but as long as it's getting somewhere, and has an ever-growing secret following (especially overseas) then it's OK. It keeps him busy, after all, and he's been using the PAF resources to track down his Creator. And exact revenge on his Creator, then blissfully ending it all. Along the way, Wade Richardson discovers a kind of strange love that complicates everything. (White male human, of no natural descent).
(9.) Jak'edrac sel'Gury A familiar dragon I've talked about a few times already, so no need to repeat myself, or to reveal things that I shouldn't :) (Male gold dragon, in his 15th century, and in the physical prime of his life.)
(10.) Mayx-Fesh (Name is shortened for an incredibly long real name that's all but unpronounceable to the human tongue.) Eight feet tall, broad-shouldered and thickly muscled Yourubi leader. Hermaphroditic (like all of its Yourubi type). Has glossy, satin-smooth black skin that reflects colors and light, a generally scary visage, and has swirling red eyepools. Brought to Earth (along with the rest of its kind) by events beyond its contol. It strongly suspects the Yourubi origin is not natural, because for creatures with incredible intelligence and amazing technical aptitude, the Yourubi (at first) have neither clothes nor an infrastructure. Neither good nor evil, it is obsessed with starting a civilization on Earth, then moving it offworld as soon as the proper technology can be implemented. Definitely a diplomat and a peaceful architect at heart, it definitely has ulterior motives and is gently manipulative. Discards some of the savagely brutal, inborn Yourubi customs in order to get protection and shelter from the human nations of the world, until a time can come when they find their own planet to live on. Basically manipulates everything and everyone whenever it can, but honestly cares for Phil and his friends, and develops a quick affinity for the dragons. However, it does things that makes Phil's friends deeply suspicious of its motives, and its own authority over the Yourubi crumbles. After all, humans are weak and easily killed off by the overwhelmingly stronger, more technically-oriented Yourubi? Mayx-Fesh also has ties to both Jesse Babcock and Wade Richardson. Trustworthiness can be, and is, hard to fathom with Mayx-Fesh. (Sexually reproducing "officer caste" Yourubi)
(11.) Swin-Lerud. A successfully genetically engineered Yourubi hybrid experiment. It has the compact body of a "soldier-caste" Yourubi (which asexually reproduces under controlled conditions, has a rather short lifespan, is only five and a half feet tall excluding horns, and is sentient yet rather simple). It has the incredibly advanced mind, along with the emotions and biological drives of a hermaphroditic, eight-foot "officer caste" Yourubi. (Like Mayx-Fesh.) For a Yourubi of either caste, it has a very eccentric personality. It is loud, brash and extroverted, has a quick temper, enjoys human sinful pleasures, loves to talk, and loves attention. But Mayx-Fesh madly loves Swin-Lerud BECAUSE of its quirky qualities, which are very atypical for the generally reserved, quiet and gentle Yourubi. However, since they are physically incompatible (like all the "soldier caste" Yourubi, Swin-Lerud has no sexual organs), this can never be consummated. Because Swin is an (admittedly imperfect) genetic prototype for a proposed casteless Yourubi future, Mayx-Fesh also considers it an invaluable asset to be protected at all costs. Swin-Lerud develops a passionate, outspoken sense of right and wrong, and is assigned by Mayx-Fesh to Phil, Tracy, Jak'edrac and the rest during a crucial time where Swin's presence would be very detrimental to the Yourubi collective security. Swin-Lerud quickly bonds with the humans and dragon, and will become the only really "friendly Yourubi face" Phil's friends (and most humans) will be comfortable dealing with. (Asexually reproducing "soldier-caste" Yourubi)
(12.)Jul'eweisa Jak'edrac's mate-for-life, who chose him (despite Jak'edrac's flaws) to be the father of her offspring. (She is pregnant with their first---the egg is not laid for another 70-100 years, and will hatch two weeks after being laid.) In Novel One, Jak'edrac is constantly thinking about her, as the two are seperated by a great distance. it takes some effort (and some assistance!) to keep Jak'edrac from falling victim to his very real feelings of loneliness. Jul'eweisa will really come into her own in Novel Two. She is fierce, loyal, and definitely more intimading a personality than Jak'edrac! She has a small but important cameo at the end of Book One. (Gold dragoness, in her 15th century and in her physical prime)
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Now for the questions. Remember that I filled out the twelve characters before I even saw the questions.
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(1.) Who would make a better college professor, 6 or 11?
Let's see . . . Drew Telkar WAS extremely intelligent and motivated to learn. But he's degenerated, as previously mentioned. Swin-Lerud would be naturally too entertaining and disruptive to ever be a competent professor, though it's super-smart. It would be up there on stage being a hysterical nut, like a cross between Gallagher and Steve Irwin and Robin Williams (Robin Williams in the 1980s after the drug problems, before he got a huge ego and the notion that he is a Serious Actor.)
(2.) Do you think #2 is hot? How hot?
Phil Telkar (#2)is somewhat like me, and I even though have some respect for myself, I'm not that narcissistic. So . . . no. However, all those inner issues would scare the hell out of me! Now (#3) on the other hand---Tracy Parker---is incredibly, totally hot, even though she is only physically "hot" from the waist down. Strong-willed and physically strong, with a quick wit, a strong passionate streak, and being an artist with both feet firlmly on the ground---hot DAMN, that's a sexy woman! }8-D
(3.) 12 sends 8 on a mission. What is it, and does it succeed?
There is no mission. Jul'eweisa the dragoness never meets Wade Richardson, and if she did---armed with the knowledge plenty of implicating evidence---Jul'eweisa would immediately kill Wade Richardson. After all, Wade Richardson is rather unjust toward her beloved Jak'edrac . . .
(4.) What is or would be 9's favorite book?
Jak'edrac would undoubtedly (and rather shamelessly) find his own memoirs to be better than anything else out there. He has a very, very eventful life, even by dragon standards.
(5.) Would it make more sense for 2 to swear fealty to 6, or the other way around? Phil and Drew are brothers, so they stick together, even though the Telkar family dysfunction levels are probably unprecedented for those dysfunctional families which don't resort to lethal violence. :P
(6.) For whatever reason, 5 is looking for a roommate. Should 5 share a studio apartment with 9 or with 10? #5 (B.J. Woodrow) couldn't be the roommate with either #9 (Jak'edrac sel'Gury) or #10 (Mayx-Fesh). Mayx-Fesh is eight feet tall excluding horns, has whirling red eyepools, and has two sets of genitals. B.J. would be totally freaked out, not to mention he doesn't trust the Yourubi leader. B.J. thinks Jak'edrac is really cool (even if Jak'edrac thinks B.J. is a bit of a dink) but do explain to me how you're going to get a 70-foot muscular male gold dragon (with proportionately long limbs that take riders WAY off the ground!) to fit into a crappy little studio apartment? :PPPPPPPPPPPPP
(7.) 2, 7, and 12 have dinner together. Phil and Jul'eweisa would certainly have dinner together, discussing whatever, just as friends. Jesse Babcock (#7) would never EVER be in the picture! Most ideally, Tracy Parker and Jak'edrac would also be at the dinner. Since the four have an interesting bond that transcends normal friendship, they would go wherever is appropriate, and discuss whatever, or just plain have fun. They most likely wouldn't do Taco Bell, as Jak'edrac and Jul'eweisa would only be able to get their heads and neck through the door. Now if they walked through the drive-thru lane (humans riding the dragons) a mildly amusing situation might happen. Jak'edrac: "200 Taco Supremes to go, please." Etc, etc, etc.
(8.) 3 challenges 10 to a duel. What happens?
Physically, Mayx-Fesh could kill Tracy Parker (or any human) in a heartbeat. It would be an art duel or a philosophical debate, or something similar. There would be no loser, as both would be absolutely, utterly fascinated by the other's input and perspective. Despite its ferocious appearance, Mayx-Fesh is very gentle and rather soft-spoken, and would be curiously amused by Tracy's slightly aggressive debate style.
(9.) If 1 stole 8's most precious possession, how would 8 get it back? I am not at liberty to say, as a situation like this happens in the first novel. (Except Pauly the Anthro-Dragon isn't in Book One, or any of the books, for that matter.) "Possession" is not necesarily an item or an object (or something needing an exorcism), in this case ;-)
(10.) Suggest a title for a story in which 7 and 12 both attain what they most desire. Hmm, Jesse Babcock and Jul'eweisa never meet (as previously stated). Jul'eweisa already has what she wants the most---Jak'edrac as he mate-for-life. She has ambitions to be on the elder councils when she is older, but among my dragons nothing is more honorable or respected than a pair-bond which is mated for life. Also, Jesse manipulates and is maipulated---so the two have nothing in common (besides Phil), so therefore if they ever were in a story together it would be called "Pointlessly Bound: The Incredible Journey That Nobody Cares About Because Nothing Happens." (Yes, a takeoff of the live-action Disney movies starring the two lost dogs and the lost sassy cat :PP)
(11.) What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted 4 and 1 to work together? Pauly the Anthro-Dragon and George Robinson could be tossed together into one sort of situation: in an adult-oriented short story parody of my own more "serious" stuff. It would be naughty, funny as hell, and have stuff straight out of an average 1980s "A-Team" episode. Both George and P-the-AD are incredibly smart, both are strikingly handsome in their own ways, and both have a way with the ladies. It wouldn't take long at all for P-the-AD to convince George to come out of his shell, and actually have fun for once in his life.
(12.) If 7 visited you for the weekend, how would you get along? I would be civil toward Jesse Babcock, but it would be an unnerving, unsettling time, and not fun at all. Jesse's short fuse would undoubtedly be set off more than once.
(13.) If you could command 3 to perform any one task or service for you, what would it be? Wow . . . that would be like a dream come true! Tracy Parker. I don't believe in having a taskmasker attitude toward women. "Um, Tracy, before you fall head over heels with me---I mean, Phil---want to have dinner at my place? I'll cook something special, and even clean up afterward. I'm the author and you're one of my favorite characters. And I do mean that with every inch of me---um, whoops, maybe that didn't come out entirely the right way? Heehee." *happy wistful cute expression*
(14.) Does anyone on your friends list write or draw anything regarding 11?
No. Swin-Lerud the hybrid Yourubi will be making its arttistic debut on the "group" sketch that also has Phil, Tracy, Mayx-Fesh and Jak'edrac's head. (Swin-Lerud is the smaller Yourubi with a hand resting on Jak'edrac's snout.)
(15.) If 2 had to choose sides between 4 and 5, which would it be? Phil has been friends with B.J. and George for most of his life, who themselves are very tight. George could potentially have sinister, self-serving motives because he formidably intelligent and a very complicated person. B.J. is too honest, too simple (but not simplistic!) and too dictated by his conscience to ever intentionally do something wrong or illegal. Phil couldn't and wouldn't be involved in backstabbing either of them. He would take sides with George against B.J.'s cigar smoking (and cigarette smoking.) Phil would take sides with B.J. against George's slight tendency to be an arrogant, stuck-up know-it-all. But then again, George and B.J. would both speak out against some of Phil's habits at the beginning of Book One. What comes around, goes around ;-)
(16.) What might 10 shout while charging into battle? Mayx-Fesh the Yourubi leader never, ever shouts, yells or screams in Book One, except for one instance where it makes a fateful personal decision that permanently haunts it. It is a superbly cool-headed tactician, and rarely engages in actual physical combat. (It has many bodyguards) But when it does get into physical combat, it uses stealth and guile, along with ruthless effective efficiency to get the job over and done with, with minimized struggle. Ultimately, Mayx-Fesh is much more of a tolerant, infinitely flexible diplomat than a yawping barbarian. Swin-Lerud (#11) is far more likely to be a hotheaded screaming maniac, and this is who it's no coincidence Mayx-Fesh assigns its beloved Swin-Lerud to Phil's group while the Yourubi go through a very delicate period in their brief existence.
(17.) If you chose a song to represent 8, which song would you choose? Wow . . . for Wade Richardson? Hmm. Possibly "River of Deceit" by Mad Season (a 1990s grunge supergroup consisting of members of Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains and Screaming Trees.) That cliched lyric by the late Layne Staley ("My pain is self-chosen") could definitely apply to Wade Richardson, who refuses to see his frustrating limitations and unique problems as blessings in disguise.
(18.) 1, 6, and 12 are having dim sum at a Chinese restaurant. There is only one scallion pancake left, and they all reach for it at the same time. Who gets to eat it? P-the-AD, Drew Telkar and the full-sized (60 feet!) dragoness Jul'eweisa? Unlikely scenario, as P-the-AD is not in the novel sequence, and Jul'eweisa never meets Drew. But P-the-AD being P-the-AD, he'd grab it for sure :)
(19.) What might be a good pick-up line for 2 to use on 10?
Phil isn't one to use pick-up lines. Though he secretly finds Mayx-Fesh's glossy, flawless silky-smooth skin very sexy, he is much too caught up with Tracy to ever get kinky like that. o__O
(20.) What would 5 most likely be arrested for?
B.J. is a heavy drinker, so he'd probably get nabbed for DUI/DWI/drunk driving.
(21.) What is 6's secret? I'm not going to disclose these things! if it gets published, buy the damn book and read it! :PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
(22.) If 11 and 9 were racing to a destination, who would get there first? Jak'edrac would easily outdistance the swift Swin-Lerud, simply because Jak'edrac is a huge, winged dragon who can fly faster than any human or Yourubi can hope to run. Jak'edrac would give his little Yourubi buddy a ride, though. Maybe Swin-Lerud would get greater forward speed driving a car, but Jak'edrac would getthere earlier because he knows the shortcuts, he is flying, and he doesn't need gas to operate. (The technically very-inclined Yourubi are very skilled at quickly learning and operating vehicles, heavy machinery and the rest.)
(23.) If you had to walk home through a bad neighborhood late at night, would you feel safer in the company of 7 or 8? Given a choice, I wouldn't be in a situation in either of them, seeing as both are fundamentally evil. However, Wade Richardson is whipcrack-smart, knows unarmed combat techniques (including how to disarm an armed opponent), and has loads of street-smarts, and keeps his cool when not obsessed with "getting back" at his Creator. Jesse Babcock is pathetic and feeble by comparison, but is an invaluable asset to Wade Richardson. So, long story short . . . I'd be safer with Wade Richardson, then get the hell away from Wade Richardson once it was safe to do so.
(24.) 1 and 9 reluctantly team up to save the world from the threat posed by 4's sinister secret organization. 11 volunteers to help them, but it is later discovered that he is actually a spy for 4. Meanwhile, 4 has kidnapped 12 in an attempt to force their surrender. Following the wise advice of 5, they seek out 3, who gives them what they need to complete their quest. What title would you give this fic?

The numbered characters, in order, are::

P-the-AD and Jak'edrac. George. Swin-lerud and George (again). George (yet again) and Jul'eweisa. B.J. and Tracy.
Lemme fill in the names so that we don't get too confused here.

Hmm, a title? Stolen from a Shakespeare quote from King Lear: "Come not between the Dragon and his wrath!" 'Nuff said. Though I'd pity anyone who comes to B.J. Woodrow for sage advice, and Tracy Parker isn't exactly a black-market weapons seller. :PPP

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I'm not tagging anyone to do this. But if you do, don't read these questions until you have filled out your twelve characters! Rather like reading the "Mad Libs" before filling out the adjectives and nouns, etc, it spoils the fun.

Oh, and post me a link. Yours need not be anywhere near as long as mine.