naughtyLOTRstories
Brought to you by [
Tanzi Took]
Written by Tanya Wonnacott [
Tanzi Took] and Elizabeth Ryder [
Gracie]
Scenes 13 and 14
Continued from
Scenes 11 and 12
Scene 13
Narrator: Arwen was chased far by the wraiths and had some pretty close calls but made it across the river where the magic of her people could protect her.
Wraith: GIVE UP THE HALFLING!
Arwen: If you want him come and claim him!
But first, it's my turn!
Narrator: Taking advantage of Frodo's current situation, Arwen decides to rape Frodo, but the son of a bitch came too early.
Arwen: NO! FRODO! NO DON'T GIVE IN! NOT NOW!
Frodo: Wow, that doesn't usually happen.
Arwen: Yeah yeah!
Frodo: Hey, aren't you like, in love with Strider?
Arwen: Yeah but he doesn't really mind, you know, he shags a few hobbits, I shag a few hobbits.
Frodo: Right, shouldn't we be getting to Rivendell I think I'm about to die.
Arwen: Oh ok, my bad.
Scene 14
Narrator: Arwen and Frodo, arrive at Rivendell unharmed. When Frodo awakes, he finds himself in Elrond Lord of Rivendell's bed; Gandalf was sitting by his side.
Frodo: WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO LAST NIGHT?! WHERE THE HELL AM I?!
Gandalf: You are in the house of Elrond.
Frodo: WHAT THE HELL DID I DO WITH LORD ELROND?! WHY AM I IN HIS BED!! The last thing I remember was shagging that elf chick. I haven't been this confused since I got my head wedged in Sam's lawnmower. What happened Gandalf, why didn't you meet us?
Gandalf: I don't know, I got stoned and, had some cake…..yeah.
Narrator: At that moment Sam's head pops up from under the quilt.
Frodo: What are you doing?!
Sam: Bless you you're awake!
Gandalf: Sam has hardly left your side! He tried to ass rape you a few times but we managed to restrain him.
Narrator: Lord Elrond enters the room.
Elrond: What is THAT doing in my bed?! Who put the hobbit in my bed?!
Sam: But Mr Elrond, he was dying!
Elrond: I don't give a shit get it out of my bed! I am Lord Elrond! Do you have any idea who my mother is?! I do not share my bed with hobbits!!
Narrator: Sam helps Frodo out of the room, and Elrond begins to cry.
Elrond: Damn it Gandalf! You know I have hobbit issues! You know what they did to me when I was a kid!
Gandalf: I know, I know, don't worry Boromir will be here soon, he makes the best cakes.
Narrator: Soon after, Boromir of Gondor rode into Rivendell on his horse
followed by Legolas Greenleaf, elf prince of Mirkwood…who came speeding in on his brand new Harley.
Startled, Boromir spun around.
Boromir: Good gracious Legolas shouldn't you be wearing a helmet?!
Legolas: Dude are you crazy do you know how long it took me to get my hair like this?!
Boromir: Well it is lovely!
Legolas: Yes I use…elf gel!
Narrator: Shortly after, the dwarf Gimli son of Gloin pulled up in his, brand new electric wheelchair sponsored by Kellogg's rice crispies.
Gimli: Am I too late for the council of Elrond?
Legolas: Dude you've only got one leg!!
Gimli: I had noticed.
Legolas: You should get that looked at!
Boromir: So, who's up for ice-tea?
The journey continues...
Scenes 15 and 16
Stumble!