BROUGHT TO YOU BY [
Tanzi Took]
Scenes 5 and 6 Continued from
naughtyLOTRstories
written by Tanya Wonnacott [
Tanzi Took] and Elizabeth Ryder [
Gracie]
Scene 5
Narrator: Smoke rise's from the mountain of doom, as Gandalf the gay rides to Isengard seeking Saruman the white wizard's council, about the ring of power.
Saruman: Have you come for council my old friend?
Gandalf: Actually I came to buy some more weed.
Saruman: Oh, ok, come inside and I'll get John to make us some coffee…….JOHN! YOU CAN FINISH THE DISHES LATER!
John: OK!
Saruman: Sauron, the dark lords' powers are growing, and the ring of power has yet to be found.
Gandalf: All these long years it was in the shire, right under my very nose! The ring has passed to the hobbit Frodo Baggins.
Saruman: Your love of the halflings leaf has clearly slowed your mind.
Gandalf: But we still have time; time enough to counter Sauron if we act quickly.
Saruman: Time? What time do you think we have?
Gandalf: I don't know what time you got?
Saruman: ‘Bout 4:30
Gandalf: Oh my god! Ground Force is on!
Saruman: Oh my! JOHN! PUT THE VIDEO RECORDER ON!
John: OK!
Saruman: Sauron has regained much of his former strength, we must join with him Gandalf. We must join with Sauron.
Gandalf: Wow that would be gay!
Saruman: You did not seriously think that a hobbit could contend with the will of Sauron? There are none who can. The nine wraiths reached the pass of Minas Morgul on mid summers eve, disguised as riders in black. They will find the ring, and kill the one who carries it.
Gandalf: Frodo!!
Narrator: Gandalf heads towards the door.
Saruman: JOHN! QUICK SHUT THE DOOR!
Narrator: John scurries in and shuts the door, Gandalf runs towards another door.
Saruman: JOHN QUICK HE'S GOING TO GET AWAY!
Narrator: John ran to the door and slammed it shut.
Gandalf: Fuck off!!
Narrator: Gandalf slaps John and opens the door again.
Saruman: Don't slap John you bitch!!
Gandalf: DON'T CALL ME A BITCH YOU TWAT!!
Saruman: What?! You are a bitch you BITCH!!
Gandalf: YOU'RE A BITCH!!
Saruman: YOU'RE A BITCH!!.......
.........
…………………………………………………………….
Gandalf: …………YOU'RE A BITCH!!
Saruman: Takes one to know one.
Gandalf: ( mumbles ) ….fuck.
Saruman: There's only one way to settle this…….
Narrator: Gandalf gets his staff ready;
Saruman pulls out……a board game, from under his thrown.
Saruman: …………..TWISTER!! ( DUNDUNDUN!!! )
Gandalf: ……………Twister?! ( DUNDUNDUN!!! )
Saruman: That's right…..TWISTER!! ( DUNDUNDUN!!! )
Gandalf: ( mumbles ) You got to be shitting me.
Saruman: There's many a man lost a leg and more in a game of twister ( DUNDUNDUN ). Some, were never seen again.
Gandalf: Um…………….no.
Saruman: Yes my, great grand papa's sister's fiancées ex girlfriends uncle, Clarence…..
Gandalf: Clarence?
Saruman: It's short for Bob.
Gandalf: …………….OH!
Saruman: Clarence, is said to still dwell in Skegnes where he became a roadie for Westlife.
Gandalf: ( Gasp! )
Saruman: I know, it's tragic. This is what twister
( DUNDUNDUN!!! ) can do to a man. The only way you'll leave this place alive is if you beat……JOHN! John?! COME AND BEAT GANDALF AT TWISTER!!
( DUNDUNDUN!!! )
John: OK!
Narrator: After several hours of a game of TWISTER ( DUNDUNDUN!!! ) John finally collapsed.
Saruman: GOD DAMN IT JOHN YOU FUCKING RETARD!
Narrator: Saruman shoves his staff up John's ass
John: ……..AWWW!!!
Saruman: NO MORE PORN FOR A WEEK JOHN! GET OUT OF HERE!
John: ok
Gandalf: Um………can I go now?
Saruman: Yeah sure
Gandalf: Oh, later!
Narrator: Gandalf thinks for a moment
Gandalf: Oh yeah! ( gasp ) FRODO!
Scene 6
Narrator: Merry and Pippin run through the crops chased by an irate farmer and his dogs when suddenly they bump right into Sam and Frodo.
Merry: Look Pippin, it's Mr Frodo.
Pippin: Hello Frodo.
Sam: You've been into farmer Maggots crops!
Merry: Oh calm down Sam, it's just a few carrots.
Narrator: There's a rustling as Gandalf appears from the undergrowth.
Gandalf: (mumbles carrots)
Sam: Damn it Mr Gandalf you're not in this scene!
Narrator: Gandalf scurries off (mmmcarrots)
Sam: I wish he wouldn't do that.
Merry: Farmer Maggots coming! RUN!!
The journey continues Scenes 7 and 8
Stumble!