naughtyLOTRstories

Brought to you by [Tanzi Took]



Written by Tanya Wonnacott [Tanzi Took] and Elizabeth Ryder [Gracie]

Scenes 7 and 8

Continued from Scenes 5 and 6

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Scene 7

Narrator: Frodo, Sam Merry and Pippin escape from farmer Maggots crop fields.

Pippin: I've found some mushrooms!

Narrator: Sam, Merry and Pippin run to the mushrooms, but Frodo stands still, sensing something is near.



Frodo: GET OFF THE ROAD QUICK!

Narrator: The hobbits jump off the road and under a bank.

Sam: What's the matter Mr. Frodo? Have you been doing Mr Gandalf's weed?

Frodo: (laughing) Weed (he gasps) listen, they're coming!

Sam: Mr Frodo it's making you paranoid.



Frodo: (laughing) you're paranoid!

(Frodo's phone rings)

Frodo: FUCK! SHIT SHIT SHIT ARGHH!!

Merry: Frodo shut the fuck up and answer the call!!

(Frodo answers the call)

Frodo: LISTEN, I TOLD YOU TO STOP RINGING ME! STOP IT! DO YOU HEAR ME?! LEAVE ME ALONE!............Who is this?

Rosie: Frodo its Rosie, are you high again?



Frodo: Um…..I duno.

Rosie: Frodo, im kind of short on money this week so I was wondering if you could pay me a little early…

Frodo: Listen you dirty whore, I cant pay you for that now, im kind of busy. I'll call you next week!

Sam: I thought Rosie liked me.

Frodo: (laughing) Yeah, sure Sam. We had sex…. It was good.

Narrator: Sam is on the brink of tears.
Pippin: Um… I think we've blown our cover guys, we've got to make a diversion.



Frodo: Sorry Pippin.

Pippin: What?

Narrator: Frodo throws Pippin over the bank.

Pippin: AAAaaahhh…….SMACK!

Frodo: RUN!!

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Scene 8



Narrator: After escaping from the wraiths the four hobbits arrive at Bree and sit in a corner at the Inn of the prancing pony.

Pippin: So Mr Frodo, where do we go next? Why isn't Gandalf here yet?

Narrator: Frodo laughs insanely.

Pippin: Frodo! Tell me what's going on!

Sam: Pippin! Don't you shout at Mr Frodo!

Pippin: Well if he wasn't so high I wouldn't have to.



Narrator: Merry returns from the bar with a pint.

Pippin: What's that?

Merry: This my friend, is a pint.

Pippin: It comes in pints?! I'm getting one.



Sam: You've had a whole half already!

Narrator: Pippin runs to the bar. Gandalf bursts through the door, smacks Frodo on the head with his staff (smack AAHH!!) steals his joint, and runs out.

Gandalf: (mumbles carrots)

Frodo: (laughing) Wow did you check out that shit?! I thought he'd never leave!

Narrator: Frodo is grabbed by a near by stranger, known to the Bree folk as Strider.


He drags Frodo upstairs and throws him into an empty room.

Frodo: FUCK YEAH!! Bring it on you sexy bitch!

Narrator: Frodo begins to take off his shirt

Strider: No no! You've got the wrong idea!!

Frodo: Well you didn't have to lead me on like that! What was I supposed to think? It's not like it's the first time I've been thrown into a room. What do you want?



Strider: A little more caution from you that is no trinket you carry.

Frodo: I carry nothing.

Strider: Indeed, look ive got 30 bucks, how much green is that gonna get me?

Narrator: Sam, Merry and Pippin burst through the door.

Sam: Leave Mr Frodo alone!

Strider: Listen, something draws near; I think it's the cops they've been after me for ages. Lets make a run for it, into the wild.

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The Journey continues Scenes 9 and 10