The Neurotic's Kitchen
Actually, if they thought about it, most neurotics would take the kitchen to the desert island because it would be easier to get all that sand off the floor. That aside, however, the kitchen offers much else. It is warm there, first of all. It is where the food is. It usually is well lighted. And, curiously, there is a mysterious force that just seems to draw neurotics into it. If you don't think that this is true, check the kitchen the next time you go to a fairly large party at someone's house. The neurotics will be in there, sitting on the counters, chatting, poking their noses into the refrigerator.
A Typical Neurotic's Kitchen.
1. Clock on the stove doesn't work.
2. Bulletin board. String for pencil but no pencil. Several phone numbers with no names to go with them and a few out-of-date invitations.
3. Magnets on the refrigerator door - ladybugs or other cheerful insects.
4. Stove fan turned on most of the time for the soothing drone.
5. Switch for garbage disposal that everyone turns on thinking it is for a light.
6. Favorite coffee cup.
7. Emergency phone numbers posted by telephone.
8. Poison antidote chart on inside of door under sink.
9. Cooking implements (wok, chafing dish, dry air popcorn popper, electric knife) bought and then used only once.
10. Drawer containing trading stamps.
11. Drawer containing masking tape, rubber bands, scissors, string, twine, thumbtacks, ball and jacks, glue, paste, bus schedule, coupons, dice, picture hangers, playing cards, Band-Aids, screwdriver, extension cords, socket adapters, birthday candles, assorted clasps, brads, screws, hooks, hinges, and nails, jar lids, flashlight, cheap combs, thread, crayons, keys, Magic Markers with points smashed down, coins, matches, potholders, electrical tape, emery board, glitter, toothpicks, a pocket astrology book, an old yellowed roll of adhesive tape that no one had good enough fingernails to get started again, a broken meat thermometer, booster tickets, and, way in the back, a three-year-old Lions Club raffle ticket and a drink-stirrer from a fancy Polynesian resturant.
12. A kitchen witch.
13. Room freshener disguised as an owl.
14. An industrial-siz
e fire extinguisher.
15. Cabinet full of canned goods in case of natural disaster or nuclear attack.
16. Charcoal filter attached to water faucet.
17. Smoke detector.
18. A cute cover for the toaster.
19. In the refrigerator: a baking soda holder disguised as a penguin.
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